I'M SORRY!!

i have been so busy. like crazy busy. why is it that my life is always a juggling act? i always think, 'i just have to make it through this week and then next week will be dead' but no matter what the following week is always just about as crammed full as the one before. i am always driving driving driving (i suppose that's what working in two different cities will do to you...). its amazing how much time a drive from vernon to kelowna and back for work will take out of your day.

anyway. where do i start? i have had more than a few of you on my case to write again. so i am writing. i should be doing show prep for my afternoon on the air... but... i am writing.

i'm going to try and just write about the highlights of the last two months.

it was nice coming home from our very long vacation and sleeping in my own bed and having my own clean shower to shower in and all that. but we came home to some not so nice things too. tyler found out that he was jobless. tim shut down his company because construction has slowed down A LOT in the okanagan and there just isn't enough work for him to keep things going. luckily i had a whole ton of work for the first bit and tyler had applied to ei before we even left so we had things all lined up. but it was tight. tyler eventually found a job doing the same thing (he is a sheet metal journeyman) working with his friend matt (who he did all his schooling with through his apprenticeship - matt and his wife are really awesome) for matt's dad. so that was a lot of stress of my shoulders.

my birthday was also two days after we came home from europe. i really wanted new clothes. so i asked for the same thing that we had done for my mom's birthday. everyone contributed some money and then all of us girls went shopping together for some stuff. it was lots of fun AND i finally got some new clothes. i felt like i hadn't gotten anything new in a very very long time. probably because, i hadn't. that's what saving for a wedding and then saving for a 5 week backpacking honeymoon does.

not that things are much different now... now we are saving for an engine rebuild on my car. agh.

so as a result of our backpacking trip and tyler's coming home to no job for a bit... we can't go on the big family trip to mexico. dean is turning 50 in january and the WHOLE family EXCEPT me and tyler is going to mexico. i'm really bummed about it. i don't want to hear about them planning their trip at all. i'm so jealous. i know i shouldn't be because we went to europe for 5 weeks. but it wasn't with my whole family. and now they are all going without me. i feel really left out.

another reason i shouldn't be jealous - i got to go to disneyland december 6th. i was a media rep for sunshine dreamlift. meaning... i got to go to disneyland with 62 severely physically disabled or terminally ill kids from the interior of bc. it was, needless to say, the experience of a lifetime. not only did i get to see disneyland for the first time, but i got to do it with a very cool group of kids. i spent half of my day with a girl who faced some physical disabilities that made it difficult for her to move around (although she faces this with an incredible determination and drive). and the other half of my day i spent with a group of deaf/hard of hearing kids. i had so much fun!!!!!

although... this one day that i went to disneyland for dreamlift was the most hectic day of my life. i had to get up at 3:15 to get to the airport for 4:30 (they put me up at a fancy hotel in kelowna the night before and the night after). and we didn't land that night until midnight. it was a very very very long day. but... as if that wasn't enough, my entire week was hectic like this. i am surprised i made it through alive and without even getting sick.

i have decided i am making all my christmas presents this year. so i have been doing copious amounts of baking and crafting in the last week. with more still to do. we have a measley $15 limit for gifts, and no stockings (because everyone - but me - is going to mexico). and we're doing dinner at mine and tyler's house.

i don't know how many of you have been to my place. so... for christmas dinner it will be me, tyler, my mom, dean, kaetlyn, nadia, andrew, rhiannon, layne, and martha... AND jordi and ollie. my house is really small. and we don't have a kitchen table (nevermind a table that would fit all those people). so... we've been joking about how we're going to have christmas dinner indian style. there will be a lot of eating on the floor. but... it will be cozy and fun.

okay.... so there you have it... an update on my busy-ness. i will try to be updating more regularly (i promise). hopefully this will tie you all over until then...

what is living without really living?

first of all i have to say that i feel very lucky to have been able to take this time off and make this trip. it has been life changing for both tyler and i. i think. at the very least it has been eye opening. i was thinking about this today while i wrote in my journal and listened to jolene do my sunday morning show... most people dont really ever live. i have heard it a thousand times and believed that i knew it as true before, but our north american culture is just filled with stuff. working so hard so we can buy more stuff, pay off stuff, or buy better stuff. and why? to impress everyone else? because you think that having the stuff will make you happy? maybe i sound like every person you have ever met who has gone backpacking who starts preaching about our north american life of excess - but i will not preach. i have decided two things. that i do not want stuff to rule my life. and that i want to really live my own life.

we have 6 days left of our adventure. it has been amazing. in germany i started writing blog entries in my phone on notes... but then i discovered that i couldn't paste them i. so i stopped. sorry for the lack of updates. oh well. im in europe.

so far the greatest things i have seen were paris (which i am in love with, and i think it may have forever stolen my heart) and croatia, specifically hvar (which has got the be the best beach spot i have ever been to... plus the history!). i am both ready and not ready to come home. i miss our cats. and i miss some of the simple comforts of home (tyler has been whining about wanting to take a bath). i am feeling like going to work will be kind of fun. but i just don't want to get lost in the daily grind again. i don't want to be a slave to my life.

tyler and i have spent a lot of time talking and dreaming together about what our future will look like. i think we have some things that we both really like the sounds of. and a lot of work to do to get there. but it's a good type of work. the kind that is really for something.

i'll post more about the things we have seen and done once im home and the keyboard isnt miniature.

bicycles and canals.

amsterdam.

today is day 2. yesterday was mostly just walking around in aa disoriented manner. we walked for what felt like forever. the number of bicycles is just... awesome. the way people drive them is pretty scary. haha. just wherever they want whenever they want.

it seems like a very tourist driven city. could just be the area we're in. anyway... we eventually... but as it turned out the one we had booked at had the same name, but it wasway out of the way. luckily we cancelled that and just stayed at the one we found. the location is great. right in the heart of things. we got two bunks in the corner of a big room and set ourselves up. i pretty much forced tyler to nap. we didnt really sleep on the plane. it was freezing cold and so loud. we probably slept for a good 6 hours. the only thing we didnt pack and wish we did was a towel, haha. so far we've been using a t-shirt to dry off with after the shower. we wandered around a bit. got something to eat. found ourselves smack dab in the middle of the red light district. which is right about when tyler got really overwhelmed and wanted to go back to the hostel.

we had an early night. i woke up at 5 am to the sound of the incredible snoring girl. i swear - the loudest i have ever heard. and of course, in the bunk right next to me. my bladder felt like it was ready to burst so i finally got up the courage to go to the washrooms. i took my key card. of course... it didnt work on our room's inside door... lucky for me after several tries tyler heard me and let me in. it would have really sucked if he didn't.

we started today with free breakfast at the hostel. headed out ready to explore we kind of understood our location better. got coffee and headed out to find anne frank huis. we went through... and i will admit it was hard for me to not cry, especially towards the end. tyler really didn't get that. we got some beautiful postcards to start our collection for wedding thank you's. after that we headed back kinda towards our hostel. we checked out lots of shops and stuff along the way. tyler's parents gave me some money as an early birthday present. i found a store with some really cute stuff... but i couldn't bring myself to actually purchase! its our first stop... i need to scope things out some more i think.

eventually we made our way to madame toussaud's wax museum... which was pretty cool, but ridiculously expensive. i'm glad we went though. i think we've spent all we have to spend on touristy stuff here. now we're hanging out in our hostel... prob have a quick nap, and then maybe grab a beer at a pub and try and meet people. we're kinda shy. i think it's harder to meet people when you're with someone. we miss our friends, and i very much miss my family. most times when i see things i think 'rhiannon would love this' and i think about how much my mom would love to see all these things, i know andrew would be astounded at all the bikes and people riding everywhere, and all the pubs and cafes along the canals remind me of places dean would like to chill out at.

we move on to hamburg tomorrow! i need to find and book a hostel!

save me san francisco!

i have had a very exciting last little bit. i mailed some cd's to the first group of people that gave me addresses... but... i am missing laura and amy's addresses (GET THEM TO ME... or... no cd's).

on thursday i was in kelowna at the Q recording my friday night show, thank q its friday (tqif) and i received an email from my program director in vernon. he asked me if my passport would still be valid in december, and if it was, how would i like to be the station rep for wendy's dreamlift day and go to disneyland. my response was something like this: "seriously? pardon my french, but, FUCK YES!" i told him i had never been to disneyland.

i have ALWAYS wanted to go to disneyland. and the pictures that laura took recently with katie's family... made me insanely jealous. my mom always promised when andrew turned 5, we would all go. well... andrew is 17, almost 18, and still none of us have ever been. i think the only two people who are even remotely interested are rhiannon and me... but i am a child at heart, and i want to see it!!! i think going for wendy's dreamlift day would be an amazing experience. basically what will happen (if i pass the application process and all that - but i can't imagine why i wouldn't) is i will get teamed up with a terminally ill or disabled child, and i will get to spend 6 hours in the disneyland park with them. it is this child's dream to visit disneyland. i think i will make an awesome partner for this kid because... well... its my dream too! and i am excited like a little kid about it... its a win win situation!

i think its really funny that i have spent the first 25 years of my life never traveling anywhere of note... and now in the span of 6 months i am spending a month in europe, going to disneyland (hopefully) AND going with my family to mexico. mexico is a plan for dean's birthday. probably in february or something. i will be a travel virgin no more.

i've been working a ton lately. i'm currently at the q covering an afternoon shift. and i have been going to the farmer's market as much as i can (i skipped monday... for fear of rain that never came - bummer). i've been selling so much stuff at the market. i have been producing new stuff constantly to try and keep up with it. its fun. plus, bethany designed me these REALLY cute business cards that i just picked up today from staples. hopefully that will help get my name out there a little more and get me a few more facebook likes, haha.

tyler and i are hoping to get our backpacks this week. all our flights have been purchased. our rail passes have been ordered. and alison is trying to talk us into paying for a hotel for rome and london. i'm not totally sold on a hotel. she said like $150 a night... and i looked it up for both cities... we can stay in a hostel for like 20 euros each. i don't think it is really worth it. i don't know... maybe i will regret making this decision when it comes down to it... especially considering we are only in those cities for one night each... but... oh well. i think we are going to have to get an adapter so we can charge our ipods on the trip with a wall charger. but i think that is the only thing we have to get... i think... i need to make a list. somewhere that i won't lose it.

i can't believe i am going to europe. its insane.

i can't believe i won't be working for 35 days! that's so long. paying rent while we're gone will be so hard... and we still haven't found someone to stay at our house to take care of the cats while we're gone... that's kind of an issue.

old white lincoln.

i like to think this song is about me. haha. do you ever hear songs like that?




anyway.

tyler got a new modem from shaw cable for free. it is supposed to be way faster. problem is... we can't even get it to connect. tyler fiddled around with it all last night trying to get it to work. and he tried calling shaw this morning to get them to figure it out... but he was put on hold, and had to go to work. i tried getting it to work when i got up... to no avail. and back in went the old modem. i don't even care. i just want to actually get online!! sheesh.

i have been devouring cherries the last 2 weeks. i got some from the farmer's market from a certified organic farm in oyama... and oh my they are delicious. so dark red they are just about black, big and juicy. so delicious. they could make any bad day just melt away.

speaking of bad days... i have been having some of those thanks to work. i've been extremely frustrated. not really worth getting into... but the jist of it is that i feel excluded from, well, everything. i'm just like the person who comes in to fill in for things while everyone else is included in big important things that the station does. i think it is time to start putting together my demo and looking around for what is out there. find out what kind of job i can even get. i saw one online yesterday that was for afternoons/music director. which is basically my dream job... but it was in peterborough, ontario. which, in case you were wondering, is NOT my dream location. haha. i really hope i can find something in a good location where i will want to stay. most people when they go to school for radio, get out of school and work in the worst locations. like tiny tiny towns in saskatchewan, or manitoba, or alberta... or, worst of all, prince george. i do NOT want to live in prince george.

aside from all that... i have been making feather goodies like a villain. i've been doing the farmer's market. the last two mondays i made over $200. which i can't really complain about. this monday i wore a tube top to try and minimize the tan lines i would get from sitting out there for 4 hours. not such a brilliant idea. it wouldn't have been so bad if the sun was behind me... but it was in front of me. i have a very straight line tan line across my chest. haha. i guess i'll just have to go to the beach more to get rid of it! darn. haha.

i am preparing madly for my trip to europe. trying to scrape together the last of our money. the farmer's market has helped with that... giving us money to live on. haha. we still need to buy backpacks. tyler has been seriously hounding me about needing a new camera. and it's true... our camera is not that great. but he wants to buy a big slr. which... are a) expensive and b) don't you think its a little dangerous to be backpacking with one of those? PLUS... neither of us know how to use one. neither of us are fantastic photographers. i think our camera will just have to suffice.

annnnnd... i have made the best mix that i have been listening to solid for the last few weeks. i am going to mail doug a copy of my july playlist (2 cd's) and this other mix i have been listening to... which i guess could very well be august... anyone else want copies? send me your address!!!

je pense que je t'adore.

funny enough... this is a line from a glass tiger song. maybe some of you know that. i don't know.

i am eating a big bag of cherries at work. i didn't bring anything else to eat. so far this is not really helping. i think i am going to have to make tyler bring me some breakfast at work.

i am EXHAUSTED. i was in kelowna allllllllll day yesterday. tyler's friends colby and nelson were visiting us from vancouver. yesterday morning we all got up, squished into the truck, and left for kelowna by 7:30. i like to be at the station in kelowna at 8:30 ish. and it is on the far end of the city... so it actually takes a full hour to drive there. i worked till 5, while the three of them hung out (colby grew up in kelowna). i was a little jealous. they went to the beach. i worked. it sucked a little bit.

after i finished we hung around kelowna some more. ate some food. and then hung out in the park and people watched until it was time for redfish to play. bc day long weekend is center of gravity in kelowna - an awful festival. "bro's" and scantily clad bleached blonde haired girls with pounds of make up invade the city and get grossly intoxicated and then party to the sounds of various dj's. we saw lots of beer get dumped. lots and lots and lots of board shorts, and more midriff than i ever wanted to see in my life. i had NO IDEA it was considering socially acceptable to walk around downtown (NOT on the lake front) to walk around in just a bikini. like, really? gross.

we met up with sarah and adriel and bethany just as redfish got on the stage to start their set up. adriel was pretty excited to see uncle dean play. we also spotted layne, and all picked a spot on the grass centered pretty good in front of the stage. adriel and i went up close to the stage to take some pictures with my phone. hah, unfortunately the best place to take them from was right in front of the speakers... it was really loud. i joked to sarah about ruining her child's hearing. some cocky "bro's" while making their way from center of gravity walked through the middle of the stage while the band was playing. like... why is that necessary? or cool even? i don't get it? oh kelowna... why do you attract these people for the summers?

needless to say... it was a late night. and i grumbled as i got out of bed at 5:10 this morning, and fought to keep my eyes open. i'm still sooooo tiiiirrreedddd.

i have been stumbling upon all morning. what is that, you say? only the best thing i have discovered in a long time. check out stumbleupon.com. you can sign in with your facebook id. and then you just click the boxes on your interests... and you stumble your interests. it pulls up all kinds of websites that correspond with the interests you gave it. i have found scores of good recipes (most of them delicious looking desserts...)... i actually can't even begin to tell you about all the cool things i have found. just try it out! you won't be disappointed.

rolling in the deep.

today is a blah day. it is raining. and not very warm out. but i wore shorts anyway in hopes of it being nicer. no such luck.

also tyler and i are BROKE. which is a big bummer. and i am stressing about trying to save money. we have had to use some of what we had saved from this last paycheque to catch up on some bills post wedding and stuff. now we have another week until we get paid again. i am trying to come up with a way to make some more money... but really... how can i work any more than i already am?

its just really frustrating. we have to come up with a good deal more than we have before september. i know we can do it... its just hard. i need to make sure i can work as much as i am (or close to) right now in august as well. keep it steady. i think that might be hard. i know there will be some shifts for me here at the station. but i doubt it will be the entire month solid. and there is no vacation happening in august in kelowna. i think i am going to spend this evening making earrings so i can stop in blackbird sometime very soon. i haven't felt the inspiration to do that... probably because i got all tapped out on my crafting creativity from the wedding. but it is time to tap in again, i think.

i should try and make some veils like mine and sell them on etsy or something. haha. those things are going for like $300 on there! being the primary reason i didn't buy one...

i'm sure everything will work out and we'll go on our trip and it will be fine... i just stress out about things. that's what i do.