head over feet.

erin cut my bangs yesterday. i thought it was photograph worthy.
















sometimes i like to take pictures of myself making ridiculous faces. don't judge me.

what do you think of my bangs though? i like them. i wanted them like a fine frenzy in the video for the song blow away... i think we got them pretty close.






christmas brought in a good haul. tyler got me a sewing machine. a brand new one! its a janome. and i love it. my mom and dean got me a book on simple pattern making, and a pattern i found online for a dress. its wonderful. my plan was to cut it out today... but i don't have the right kind of fabric... so i sort of got less interested in doing that today. kaetlyn got us a fantastic set of wine glasses. nice and thick so they aren't going to break if you accidentally tap them on anything (i hate that). andrew got me a large pot (which i desperately needed for making chili so it doesn't overflow when i stir it... so annoying) and a cast iron casserole dish. which i don't think many people that i have told about it understand how awesome it is. i cooked our carrots and beets for christmas dinner in it. it was lovely. tyler's parents got me a bread maker and a hand mixer (i have yet to use either... but i am working on it!). rhiannon made me an apron. and on one side she printed it herself. and the other side has a really cool fabric.

all in all... everything is fantastic and very useful. i am well on my way to have a fully equipped house with all the bells and whistles.

tyler got a second wii remote. we've been playing mario kart a lot. its pretty much the only video game i will play... other than rockband. which we also downloaded a bunch of new songs for and have been playing that a bunch too. wow. we've been doing lots of fun things! we downloaded public enemies - it was awesome! and got all caught up on the current season of the office.

i don't work again until the 4th (other than a hockey game on the 2nd). so i have a ton of free time. i have some pattern making blocks that my friend dessy from fashion school in montreal mailed me. i think i will go pick them up today. i'm pretty excited about that. i can make skirts for work! cute ones. designed myself to fit me perfectly... that is if i can jog my own memory on how exactly to make a pattern. agh. i think i can remember.... or have enough stuff still kicking around to make myself remember.

anyway... thats all. its time to get busy!

count of casualty.

i'm listening to a very interesting sounding album. patrick wolf's the bachelor. i like it. i don't really know how to describe it. its good though.

the best part about not being sick anymore, is that i can eat food that tastes good again. my tastes have changed so much in the last bit. i remember dean teasing me and saying that i liked things so bland. and now i am eating the same things i used to eat then because i am sick, and it IS bland. crackers. toast with just butter. soup, but nothing spicy. i guess i shouldn't say i am eating them NOW, because as of yesterday i am back to regular diet. thankfully. i was a boring eater. no wonder i had no interest in cooking.

today is my LAST day at the fare. i'm really excited about it. but a little stressed out. due to illness and having to work at the fare, i still haven't finished my training shifts at sir winstons. and i won't until after christmas. I HAVE RENT TO PAY! AHHH!! oh well. i'm sure everything will work out.

oh yah - genius me doing everything last minute. apparently home alone and home alone 2 are impossible to find at this time of year. sheesh. usually they are in the discount movie bins! i went to walmart, cd plus, zellers, and future shop. no dice. it was a thoroughly frustrating evening. and fruitless at that. its the worst when you go all over the place trying to find something, and still don't find it. a friend of mine is going to kelowna today, he said he would check for me. i hope he can find it. otherwise tyler's stocking may be slightly, very empty. haha. i've never had to totally fill a stocking before. and i'm so bad at getting gifts for tyler at all... its hard. i have no idea what to put in it. i want to have all these fantastic ideas and be totally creative with it... but mostly i got nothing.

i think tonight will be gathering the very last of my christmas shopping, wrapping, and making spring rolls. and tomorrow will be cleaning, grocery shopping, and preparing, followed by party. kaetlyn is being very non committal about the whole thing. i have no idea if she's coming or not. i am basically expecting her to be too cool and shun me like she usually does with family things surrounding me. hopefully nothing is too awkward between the two families. they are NOTHING alike. i think tyler is worried there will be dreadfully awkward silence because no one will have anything to talk about. pretty sure thats why he has avoided it so far. but when his parents came over here for the first time, he said he was so glad his sister and her boyfriend came because they kept the conversation going. as if he thinks it is actually possible that his parents would just sit there with us and say nothing. that no one would converse. he's a funny guy. sheesh.

4 days until all this is over.

bad man's world.

our house is a disaster. tyler and i have spent the last 3 days with a yucky stomach bug. he kicked it yesterday, and my stomach is feeling much better today. so i guess today is clean up day. the house desperately needs it. not to mention, we're having both our families over on wednesday for a potluck. they haven't met. we figured it was about time. plus my mom wouldn't stop bugging me.

i actually have almost all my christmas shopping done! yay! i just have a couple things for dean left. and tyler. i actually haven't gotten tyler anything yet... so i guess that leaves a big gap. agh. hopefully i can get all that done today. i think i have it figured out what i want to get him. shouldn't be TOO hard. i know, that no matter how worked out i have it in my head... it won't be that simple once it comes down to it. agh. i'm taking andrew shopping with me tonight, so it should be alright. today i am finishing up the prep work for my mom's gift - then it just comes down to assembly. haha. i'm very excited for this holiday season to be over. i also think that my fam needs to revamp the way that we do gift exchange. its too much. i have to get SO MANY THINGS! we should just do a draw and get one person something. and stockings. thats it.

i have been listening to even more music that i haven't listened to before. and totally enjoying it. there is so much good stuff out there!! everyone should listen to jenny lewis' album acid tongue. its awesome.

i don't know how much else i actually have to write. everyone else seems to have so much stuff going on that is hilarious to read and fun to think about. i haven't really been doing much? tyler and i went and saw avatar yesterday. it was pretty good. i was still feeling pretty yucky though. i was glad to come home and change back into my sweat pants. we missed both his christmas party, and my nature's fare christmas party (i wasn't sure that i wanted to go anyway) due to being so sick. we have been catching up on season 6 of the office. its awesome. super funny. my friend megan came home today. SUPER stoked for that. i should call her and see what her plans are for this evening... i'm thinking i want to plan a giant jam session party after christmas with all my friends. we have the perfect house for it. cause we can have a drum kit and everything and won't bother anyone with sound. and there is a ton of space. i hope that pans out.

anyway... i'll stop rambling.

shooting star.

another quick one before i go out the door to work.

i work the new job after working at the fare today. like... go straight from the fare to sir winston's. its going to be a really long day. and tomorrow i start work at 7. work till 3:30, and then at 4:30 go to sir winston's. two very very long days. and then again on saturday, 7-3:30. followed by tyler's christmas party for work. yikes. i might be dead after this weekend.

yesterday was pretty awesome. while i was at work tyler came and got the car. got the winter tires put on it, and the brakes looked at. turns out the brakes are fine. the old tires were soooo worn down that tyler threw them out. i figure i thought the brakes were going because the tires had no grip and so i was probably just skidding or whatever a lot. so i am VERY glad to have the winters. it was really hard to drive with the other tires. ALSO... after work we met at the mall. and he bought me some clothes for work. it was exciting. i got some pretty fantastic ankle boots. which i don't usually like... but these ones are awesome. i felt spoiled. i haven't gotten new clothes in such a long time. and i didn't have to pay for these ones! even better. haha.

yesterday was also my very last closing shift at the fare. i HATE closing the deli. it is so stressful. it suuucks. so i was pretty glad to get that out of the way. i was scheduled to close next wednesday too, but i'm having my fam and tyler's fam over for a potluck so natalie said she would take the shift for me. i went to go tell my boss... and never fails, he made it out to be a big day. as mikha pointed out, it was my last day! i could have just not showed up. at least i found someone to cover. and someone who is competent at that. agh. i will NOT miss the boss at the fare.

so... be thinking of me, and wish me luck with my second shift at sir winston's tonight. and again tomorrow. i have to get through training so i can keep my tips and start actually making money! seriously!

the light & the glass.

so the new job is good. its hard. i have to remember all the little steps that i haven't done in a long time. i am nervous that i won't be good enough - its a really busy place. but i am trying to stay positive and think that i CAN! and will. because... if i can't i'm pretty much screwed, considering i quit the fare. my last day is tuesday. its going to be wonderful.

not sure really why i felt like writing something, but i did. i'm just about to go out the door to work. i'm leaving a half hour before work to give myself enough time. the roads are SUPER bad. and i don't have the winters on the car yet. i think tyler is going to do that for me this weekend (i hope so anyway). i have to build an entire new wardrobe for my new job, which makes it more stressful, and we're going shopping to start that tonight. i also haven't started my christmas shopping. although, tyler has gotten some things that are from US so far... so i'm not sitting at the starting line at least for my christmas shopping. i'm worried about it though. i have no idea when i will have time to do it. christmas is next friday. i have just over a week and i work like a maniac for the next bit. agh. i will have to find time i suppose.

grandma and grandpa did show up. and i have a sewing machine for to use for the next bit. i'm pretty excited. lets see what i can create... when i finally have time. which might be never. agh.

time for work!

shadows.

i discovered a new favourite song this morning. its by au revoir simone. the song title is the title above. its so good. i downloaded this group a while ago, and didn't listen to it till this morning. so so so good. its a trio, all girls. keyboards and a bass guitar only. i highly recommend all of you checking them out. you might love them as much as i do.

today is my first day at the new job. and it is going to be a really long and stressful day. first of all, i told my new boss that i only worked until 3:30 at the fare. which i normally do on fridays because usually i open. they never change the regular schedule. BUT one of the girls who usually works on friday is in the myan riviera (i don't even want to think about what shes doing right now. agh) and... it gets a bit confusing here, but i ended up having the 9 to 5:30 shift. and i'm supposed to start at the new job at 4:30. so i got someone to cover the last two hours of my shift today. haha. i didn't really tell the managers, because they were all gone by the time i found out she would cover it. so they are totally going to be angry. but what am i gonna do about it? cancel on my new hopefully fantastic job to stay at the old job so they don't get mad at me? i don't think so.

so yah. i am going to do 6 hours at the fare, and then i was told about 4 hours at the new job, unless its really busy and i need to keep going. oh wow. long day. and then tomorrow i work 7 to 3:30 at the fare, and 6 to 11 at the radio station (operating the hockey game... so boring). so this weekend might kill me. and then sunday is decorating cookies at my mom's, and then suzanne's birthday afternoon potluck thing - that is if i don't have to work the new job on sunday. its all stressing me out a little. and the worst part is... i probably won't make any extra money before christmas. it will all come after. awesome, hey? so... still super broke and pathetic before christmas, and then after... some monies will roll in. agh. STRESS!

but i'm excited. more money. less work. thats the beauty of serving. i'm hoping it will all go wonderfully. the major downside is that tyler and i will now have opposite schedules. so... i probably won't get to spend as much time with him. but the serious upside is that i am hoping i will be able to finally pay off some stuff that has been hanging over my head. that would be fantastic. really fantastic.

anyway... i must finish preparing for job #1.

you picked me.

weird. the song name sort of suits what i wanted to write about. cool. but weird.

so monday didn't go as well as i had planned. i had issues with my resume and getting it printed. so i didn't go and drop off resumes. instead i went home very VERY frustrated and disheartened.

on tuesday night, tyler and i went to bed around 9. i must have drifted off, because tyler says, 'i think your phone just lit up. did someone call you?' i checked it. didn't know the number. tyler says 'maybe its someone calling to give you a job. i said 'thats impossible.' listened to the message. it was the woman calling me again from sir winston's pub. i had really wanted that job. i didn't get it because of my saturday nights at the radio station. i called her back, really excited. she said that she had someone leave for medical reasons, and that left her with a spot open that didn't require me to work saturday nights. but i still get 3-5 shifts a week. i start on friday night.

i was so excited i couldn't sleep for like 2 hours, and was horribly tired all yesterday. but it was worth it. i got to quit, and it felt fantastic. i told my boss it was because i don't feel like i do a good job at all, and all i ever hear is that i'm not doing well enough and i need to do better no matter how hard i try. he defended himself with lame excuses about how he was just trying to avoid me settling in a rut where i felt like my performance was satisfactory and instead just be better. eff that. that is a terrible way to manage your staff. i just shrugged my shoulders and said 'well... that's how i felt. and its really frustrating.'

so that's that.

it should be fantastic.

i hope, anyway.

through & through & through

so i'm having one of those mornings.

i have a lot to do today, as always on my mondays when tyler works and i don't. i have to go to my mom's, do laundry and pick up some peanut brittle to add to the package for tyler's dad. i have to mail the package, and also a card for his grandma (or bubba as he calls her - being ukranian and all). i am going to look for a new job. and i have to take in the recycling.

lets see if i can get it all done.

we had a few people over on saturday night. it was supposed to be a surprise party for tyler and our friend dan. me and brodie were planning it. tyler and i went to the kiss fm christmas party, and everyone was at our house when we got back. we were a little later than i thought we would be. brodie had told dan to come earlier, and they all surprised him (brodie had invited 4 of dan's friends, and then there was brady and suzanne and my friend matt). and brodie and all those losers didn't do anything to try and surprise tyler when we got home. and they left about 15 mins after we got back (not that any of the rest of us cared). suzanne made rum balls, and sugar cookies with green and red icing for decorating. i told everyone to wear christmas sweaters, although neither tyler or i were because we had been at the christmas party. brady and suzanne came out completely and totally prepared!



i didn't get a picture of suzanne's sweater, and i'm kicking myself now. it had snowflakes and little ornaments and garland and lights! it was fantastic. she also had green eyeshadow, and christmas earrings (very festive). we played rockband for a while, and ate goodies. it was fun.



tyler, making the best faces, as usual. and matt, totally ready to play some rockband guitar!



tyler and i didn't decorate the cookies until last night. i put some coconut on some to look like snow. tyler got sick of it... we still have some cookies to go (and a ton of icing).

and last of all... i felt like taking some dumb pictures of myself because i feel like i look good this morning. i'm kinda dressed up for resume dropping off later. meh. whatever. cool kitchen in the background, right? haha. whatever.

don't look now.

today is tyler's birthday. he is a quarter of a century old. haha. sounds important eh? we're going to his mom's for dinner. he asked for some large chunk of meat cooked for his birthday dinner (i can't for the life of me remember what kind... probably because it doesn't really matter to me). it's his step brother's birthday today too... so i imagine it will be a big family event. i work till 7, so i have to go straight there. by myself. i'm a really big wuss... and i don't like the idea of showing up there by myself, even though i know tyler will be there and i know his whole family. i've known his step brothers since i was about 11. whats the big deal? i don't know.

and now the biggest reason i wanted to write today... i've done a whole bunch of cooking! yay!! the first task i took on was COCONUT BACON! i had it once in a wrap at a vegetarian restaurant in montreal called aux vivres. amazing. so good. they have the best food i have ever had. and its all made fresh and in house. it always baffled me that they made bacon out of coconut - and it tasted like bacon! i have for 3 years now wondered how it came to be. and then jasmine was over on monday... and i randomly thought of it and decided to google it. i found a recipe. lots of them, actually. i tried the one that didn't include marinating the coconut overnight (i wanted to make blt's for dinner if i could!) and it worked! it worked really well. i was pumped. although i'm sure none of you will be super into this (considering meat is a part of your diets, and you'll probably just eat the real thing), but 3 handfulls of shredded coconut, 1 tblsp of liquid smoke, 2 tblsp of tamari or soy sauce, and 1 tblsp of water. you mix it all together until the coconut is totally coated, and then bake it in the oven at 400 until it gets kinda crispy (i stirred it a few times so the stuff along the edge and the top didn't burn). it gets more crispy once it cools too.

my second feat was veggie burgers. i haven't ever before tried making my own. it was easier than i thought it would be. and the ones i made are DELICIOUS! oh wow. best i have ever had. they are from the whitewater cook book (i got it for my birthday). its recipes from the fresh tracks cafe in nelson. fantastic fantastic recipes (it isn't vegetarian either... just delicious food). so first... you fry 1 onion and a clove of garlic (i did two) in some oil, and set them aside to cool. in a LARGE bowl mix: 1 tblsp cumin, 1/2 tblsp chili powder, 1 19oz can of black beans (drained and rinsed thoroughly), 1 tsp oregano, 1/4 cup chopped parsley or cilantro (i did parsley), 2 tblsp sesame oil, 1/2 cup roasted and chopped almonds (i food processored mine), 1 cup roasted and chopped sunflower seeds (same thing), 3 cups fine bread crumbs, 1/2 cup soy sauce, 5 eggs, 2 cups grated carrots (we don't have a grater... tyler chopped them all really small, haha), 2 cups oats. add the cooled onion and garlic, mix it all up, shape into patties and dredge them with some flour. then you just put them in a frying pan and brown them in some oil. be gentle though, tyler tried his fancy flipping technique and broke one really bad. i made him eat that one. haha. but they were super fantastic, and my friend mikha said they freeze really well. the batch made probably around 15 burgers? try it out!

and then after making those last night, and watching an episode of the office season 5 while eating, i made white chocolate hazelnut brownies. from the same cook book. tyler and i are putting together a package to send his dad and step mom for christmas, and i wanted to add in some baking. so i started with the brownies. they turned out really well. i love the flavour from the hazelnuts. mmmm... and still so moist in the middle. if you would like this recipe, let me know. i won't post it up right now though.

anyway... tonight is dinner at tyler's mom's. so i won't really have any baking time. but i have some overripe bananas that i think i need to make some banana bread with or throw them out... so i am gonna go do that now before work.

christmas music? it isn't even december yet!

i arrived at the station tonight to have patrick tell me he had inserted several christmas songs into my time chunk because it had been forgotten or something... let me tell you... not stoked. the only thing i hate more than christmas, is christmas music.

well... not that classic christmas music can't feed the mood in certain situations when one is feeling festive. but i don't often get excited about christmas... the situation has to be JUST right. but it isn't even december yet. its NOVEMBER. and i have to sit in here for 5 hours and listen to these terrible pop versions of already cheesy christmas tunes. or what is even worse, original holiday tracks that ooze with cliches and ridiculous ideas of what the holidays are all about. i really do LOATHE christmas music.

although, i have been making an effort. tyler loves christmas. LOVES it. he says everyone is happy during the holidays and more cheerful (he clearly hasn't worked retail during the christmas season... happy is not the word i would use). i DID, however, help tyler decorate last night. he had TWO whole boxes full of decorations, including a little fake christmas tree. so there are lights everywhere, and a tree, and a few other things here and there. and i'll be honest... i don't totally hate it. it could be worse. yesterday i did my first remote for the radio station (it went really well!!!) and it was in the mall. tyler met me there after, helped me load all the equipment into the car, and then we went christmas shopping for a while. it was kinda fun. we wrapped the presents we got after decorating. and i will admit... i was a little excited.

and there is one thing that i am passionate about around this time of year. i like helping out someone in need. i think it is very important. i have been that kid and let me tell you - it sticks with you forever. its amazing. i think it is important for everyone to really look around them, and see what matters. it isn't THINGS (here is where my mom pipes up and says she has been telling me this for years, and that i am materialistic). every year, this year especially, there are so many people out there in need. people who can't afford to have a christmas feast and a tree and gifts, let alone a regular meal. there are families who are working and still can't afford to put food on the table. working in the local media this year, i feel like i can put that out there, and rally support for foodbanks and other charities. in winnipeg we used to find families who were less fortunate than us, and put together a hamper for them. my mom would find families with kids around my age (i was like 6 and 7) and i would get to pick them out things for christmas. it was fun. we also used to pick elderly people from our church who were alone and just didn't have family for the holidays... and my mom would put together a little basket of baking and goodies and we would put it on the doorstep, ring the doorbell, and run and hide leaving the basket for them to find. that was fun too.

i am currently trying to find a new job. i got really disappointed yesterday. the weirdest thing happened on wednesday. i got a call from a resume i dropped off almost a year ago. because of my work schedule i couldn't get in for a regular interview... so i left as soon as i got off the phone, and met the woman at the coffee shop close to my work. it was funny, neither of us knew what the other even looked like. i told her i had a big purple bag and she found me. we talked, and it seemed really really good. i was really excited because everything just sort of fell into my lap and seemed like it would just fall into place... but i got a call from her yesterday saying she couldn't hire me for the position because of my saturday commitment to kiss fm. i was super bummed. SUPER bummed. and going to work at the fare again this morning was heartbreaking. i sat in the car for like 10 mins when i got there, just fighting the urge to turn around and drive back home instead of going in. i was 5 minutes late as a result. it sucked. the whole day sucked. totally brutal. i HATE that job. loathe my time there. i'm ready to move on... like... a month ago. at least. but this stupid little town with little resources has almost nothing to offer me.

so thats how i am feeling... not excited, and stressed out about the holidays. frustrated and depressed with my job. and hopeless about finding a new one.

from her lips to god's ears (the energizer).

i made a decision yesterday. i decided that i would really like to go back to school for fashion design. i feel like the last time i tried it, i didn't give it my best. my situation was compromised at best. it wasn't the right time for me. i've gotten really excited about it lately. i want to start working on all kinds of projects even on my own. i feel determined... now i just have to hang on to that want and not give it up to laziness or fear. i want this. i really do. i think i could be great at it. i want to be great at it. and i haven't felt excited about something like this for a long time.

i've looked into programs. there is only one in the okanagan - its in kelowna. but its a private school and i couldn't get a student loan for it. it does sound really cool - only accepts like 12 students a year or something. but... i'm not really looking at that as an option. tyler and i have been talking about moving to calgary when he's done his apprenticeship. so i looked into fashion programs in calgary. i didn't find a single one (well thats a lie - there was one fashion marketing program at some random college i have never heard of... but fashion marketing isn't what i want to do). in my head it kind of leaves vancouver, toronto, and montreal. and montreal isn't an option just because i know how hard it is to work there. and neither tyler or i are fond of vancouver. we've both lived there, and have no desire to go back anytime soon (or ever). so... toronto. which could be really cool. i have a couple of friends there. it IS the only major canadian city i haven't hit (aside from quebec city... although i sort of wrote that off with montreal). when i was in grade 12 i actually REALLY wanted to go to toronto. i was looking into broadcasting programs there.

the idea of toronto is both exciting and scary. i know i have a long time to go. it wouldn't be until summer/fall of 2011. but i need to pay off all debt i have and get myself ready for it. i think it gives me about enough time to do that. tyler brought up we can move with his truck and get a trailer (he likes to bring up how useful that truck is... i think it makes him feel better about spending so much money on it. haha).

in the meantime, there is a girl i work with who is still in high school but looking at going to fashion school after. she sews and designs stuff on her own now. her and i have been talking about getting together to do some projects. she made this dress with a corset top, and she wants to show me how to make it. i'm pretty excited. i also contacted a friend from when i did go to school to see if she would send me a copy of all her blocks for pattern making and stuff (apparently marilena threw mine out when she packed all my stuff... she probably had no idea what they were). i want to make some time to do all this on my own. i think i need to. i want to make things that i'm proud of and will enjoy wearing.

this line of thinking actually started probably after sunday funday (which didn't turn out super fun...) when tyler and i went shopping because i was determined to get a new shirt i could wear with my purple leggings. it just resulted in me being extremely frustrating and feeling awful about the way that i look. i'm a terrible shopper. i always imagine these awesome things i want to wear, great outfits, and then i can never find anything even remotely like what i want.

i need to just make these things i want to wear.

i believe i can fly.

if you guessed i'm at work, you're right!! and i have been doing some research of types on the swine flu (i know, i'm sick of hearing about it too). i'm trying to give some of the information that hasn't been spilled in the media. the reasons NOT to get vaccinated.

i came accross these videos on someone's facebook. really interesting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0JqQyl09zQ&feature=related

i'm not quite done watching them, but she gives a ridiculous amount of information that i hadn't even heard before, and all backed up. why aren't we aware of all these things? like that the world health organization changed the definition of pandemic and so qualified the h1n1 flu as a pandemic when it has a lower mortality rate than the common seasonal flu. why isn't the regular flu a pandemic then, you ask. well.... you should watch the videos, but basically just because they changed a few key words in the definition of pandemic in may of this year.

its interesting.

anyway... back to work!!

rocking chair.

i don't even know what i want to write about this morning, but i kind of made up my mind i was going to. i think i just really don't want to start getting ready for work... because i really don't want to go to work. stat holidays are awesome, aren't they? especially when you come back from your two days off, work one day, and then have another one off AND get paid for it. now i only have 3 days left in my week. AND i get paid tomorrow. its pretty awesome.

i got hooked on a new artist that was apparently just waiting to be found on my ipod. lisa hannigan. if any of you have listened to damien rice, she is the female vocalist on his album 'o'. her album, sea sew, is fantastic. i'm totally hooked on it right now. i have been researching canadian artists as well (she is from ireland) to try and push to get something i like on the radio. i've found out a whole bunch of artists i like have put out new albums and i didn't even know! tyler isn't that stoked... considering i don't know how to download things myself, and he has a list a page long of things i want. haha. but the latest stars album is also fantastic. its called 'in our bedroom after the war'. i've been pretty hooked on that too. i also listened to the besnard lakes for the first time. the song 'disaster' is super good. i have a feeling my november play list is going to be fantastic. i'm really excited.

anyway... i should probably go shower and get ready for work. agh.

hockey hockey hockey... headache.

i am, yes, working at the radio station. operating a hockey game. with a massive headache.

i spent the first half of my day baking cupcakes for andrew's birthday dinner tonight. i made three kinds. two of which turned out. they were chocolate hazelnut and chocolate sundae. the chocolate hazelnut have nutella in them, and are iced with nutella. and then i put ground hazelnuts on top. the sundae ones are FANTASTIC looking. they were vanilla cupcakes (with real vanilla bean) with chocolate fudge icing, hazelnuts, and a cherry on top. they do actually kind of look like little sundaes. i was quite impressed. i also made rootbeer float cupcakes for the second time... but they didn't turn out at all this time. i put way too many mini marshmallows in them. they just STICK like crazy. next time... i'll just make them without i think. or very few. perhaps a few will work better... hmmmm...

anyway... about a half hour before i had to leave to come to work i was overtaken with this intense tiredness. and a headache. so now i am sitting here in the studio listening to a description of what is going on at a hockey game in william's lake... paying enough attention to know when to press buttons. but no more than that. its so uninteresting.

reading the news is fun though. i like talking to much. trying to sound important like news broadcasters do.

sunday funday kind of got boycotted this week. not on purpose though. just because of the birthday dinner. although tyler and i both have wednesday off. but apparently some video game is coming out on tuesday... so i don't know how much time we'll be spending together. haha. oh well... maybe i will go swimming. i think i am going to go swimming tomorrow whether courtenay can come with me or not. i'll just go and do the kicking with a board or whatever. no big deal. still get some exercise. i feel like i should be doing more. i got off to a good start... and then didn't go again. but not on purpose... things just got really busy!

anyway... back to nursing this headache through the rest of this blasted hockey game...

luciana.

this is probably one of my favourite albums of all time. the rural alberta advantage. its awesome. its another one that tyler and i both love.

i've been feeling a bit weird lately. having weird dreams. dreams that leave me feeling a bit down and odd. my brother is in a lot of them. and often i wake up with the worst headache EVER. i even went home from work for a while to sleep until i felt well enough to go back and close. i hate migraines.

you should all check out the song frank, ab by the rural alberta advantage. i love it. its so good.

i bought a $15 itunes card a few days ago... just a little treat to myself. i wanted to buy the two bonus tracks for the tegan and sara album because they are only available on itunes (i'm sure we could have downloaded them eventually... but whatever). i also got the newest amy millan album. i'm just listening to it now. i'm pretty excited. she's fantastic. it sounds good so far. i'll probably burn a copy for my mom. i should do that now. as well as the great lake swimmers (if you haven't heard them... fix that).

andrew is coming over to hang out with tyler and i for the evening. he's going to meet me when i'm done work, and we're gonna go get his ears pierced by my friend darcy. then we'll come back here and i'll probably just cook dinner and they'll play video games or something. i don't think i have been spending enough time with my brother. he's an awesome human being. and when i moved back and i was staying in his room we hung out all the time. i enjoy his company a great deal. and i think he needs a little big sister time. a positive influence. a gentle nudge in the right direction. i can do that.

and believe it or not... i am actually getting excited for christmas. maybe its tyler (he LOVES it), or maybe its just me being in a different place with myself, but i am excited. i want to make a lot of things for gifts this year too. i should probably get started sooner rather than later. get sewing. i kind of need a sewing machine that works properly though. haha. i suppose i'll have to go over to my mom's to borrow hers.

and lastly... my confession. i haven't been to the pool at all this week. i just did other stuff instead. but my eating has been pretty good! been packing lunches and everything. the last couple of days our sandwiches have been the BEST. mine has havarti, cucumber, pepper, avocado, tomato, and sprouts. and tyler's is the same, add turkey, minus tomato. so good. sometimes i wonder if tyler gets made fun of at work because i pack his lunches. haha. like a kid getting bullied at school. it makes me laugh when i think about it. but i pack him fantastic lunches. full of all kinds of good stuff. i don't think those kinds of lunches can get made fun of ever.

and... thats it. haha. HAVE A GOOD DAY EVERYONE!

sunglasses at night.

thats right. corey hart. i'm at work. haha.

HALLOWEEN! so fun. i actually dressed up as myself... at age 16. haha. thats right. i am wearing pants i bought on boxing day when i was 15. and a hemp necklace my friend lisa made me when i was 16. and a seatbelt belt i got for my birthday (either 14 or 15... i don't remember). i did my make up exactly as i would have when i was 16... unfortunately my hair is too short. but i think it works. tyler has been making fun of me all day. its great. haha.

tyler tried to cop out on halloween. he has been growing his beard and hair for halloween for the last YEAR and he tried to ditch out on doing anything because i am at work. lame. so what did i do? i invited people over to OUR house to hang out. play games. have a good time. hahaha. now he can't bail! he has to host until i get home! WOO! he actually cleaned the whole house while i was at job #1 (i came home around 4 and helped). and then he went out and got pumpkins and carved them once i left for job #2. he sent me pictures of them. they look awesome. i'm excited to go home and hang out with our friends. we'll see who comes over!

we have a big day planned for tomorrow. my schedule at the fare changed so now we have sundays off together. its awesome. tomorrow we're going to kelowna. they have a new pool there. a WAVE pool. and a surfing machine. UMM... YES PLEASE! haha. i have been excited about it all day (i'm actually 6, i don't know if you are aware). i also get to spend my birthday gift certificate to american apparel (hopefully) and we have a gift card to the cactus club (which we don't have in vernon... but there is one in kelowna). i'm stoked. it's going to be so fun. i hope everything works out as planned! i love sundays. it is my favourite day of the week now.

and then monday will be apple goodness and hopefully some cupcakes with mom. haha. i think maybe i will just explore a new baking idea every week while at my mom's... considering i STILL don't have an oven. i love baking. probably because the results are so satisfyingly delicious.

... i don't actually have much to say. just wanted to write a little bit.

one more night.

oh wow. i've been busy. but good busy.

first off... here is that recipe for you sarah!
kathmandu wraps.
ingreds:
4 12 inch tortillas (when i made it, it actually made about 6)
1 batch curried garbanzo filling
1 pack alfalfa sprouts
2 tomatoes, sliced
1/2 cucumber, sliced
1 batch tahini sauce

curried garbanzo filling:
1. heat 2tbsp of olive oil in a medium to large sized pot. add 5 cloves garlic, 2tbsp cumin, 1 tbsp oregano, 1 tbsp sea salt, 1 tbsp turmeric, 1 onion (diced), 1 carrot (diced), and 1 grn pepper (you guessed it... diced). cook the mixture on medium to low heat until soft.
2. mash the chick peas (4 cups... which is about 2 cans i think?) (aka garbanzo beans) in a food processor or by hand, and add to the pot along with a can of tomato paste (just the regular little kind).
3. stir until heated through.

tahini sauce:
in a food processor or blender, mix 2 cloves of garlic, 1/2 cup chopped fresh parsley (the flat kind works best... italian parsley), 1/2 tsp sea salt, 2 tbsp lemon juice, 2/3 cup of water, 1/2 cup sesame butter (tahini).

so then once you've made the filling and the sauce... the rest is pretty easy. assemble the wrap with a healthy sized scoop of filling, line on top with the cucumber, sprouts, and tomatoes. serve the tahini sauce in a small bowl on the side for dipping.

ENJOY!

alright. so. what have i been up to for the last week...

i would say my biggest achievement is that i have gone to the pool to start learning to swim laps. its fun! and hard. really hard, actually. courtenay says i'm doing better than she expected me to. i learned the arms last night. but i can't actually do the front crawl without flippers on or i just sink and make a big splashing mess. but i CAN do it... i just need the extra speed from the flippers. i'll get it in time. just need more practice! its cool too because it uses totally different muscles in my legs than biking did. muscles that need more work. so i can feel it. i like that. i feel like i am actually doing something good for my body. although... my diet hasn't been the best for the last week. i've been really busy... and maybe a bit lazy?

last thursday i made all kinds of apple goodies with my mom. two apple cakes (one of which i gave to tyler's mom because it was her birthday). i didn't actually get to try any of the cakes (ha!) but they looked and smelled fantastic. the batter to apple ratio was almost even. and then there was a caramel sauce that you drizzle on top (delicious! haha. i did get to try that!). i had some left overs of the sauce and kept it in my fridge. my mom had made tyler and i a little apple crisp and i put caramel sauce on that when i took it in my lunch to work. it was fantastic. we also made apple juice, which i later brought home some jars of. i really enjoy that my open pantry shelves have got a little stock of tomatoes, salsa, and now apple juice too. all things i helped make.

also, my schedule at work changed and now tyler and i have sundays off together. its nice to actually be able to spend an entire day hanging out together without either one of us having to work. we went and saw where the wild things are. i loved it, he hated it. although... tyler never read the book when he was little. i think that has a lot to do with it. i LOVED that book when i was little. and it is one of those books that always stayed with me, perhaps the artwork more than the actual story. but it definitely fed my little imagination (or rather, big imagination?). we came home and i think we just watched several episodes of prison break. we're almost done season two. tyler tried to make me watch drag me to hell, which i argued that i really really really didn't want to. he insisted. we tried it. he realized just how bad i didn't want to watch it when i left right in the middle of this disgustingly tense part to rinse the dinner dishes.

also this week, tyler downloaded harry potter and the half blood prince and we watched that. it was pretty good. i love the harry potter movies... probably because i haven't read any of the books. we also have eagle vs. shark and a couple other movies to watch. i'm pretty excited about it. he is also working on getting all 3 seasons of arrested development, which i have seen before but i think he needs to. if any of you haven't seen it... you need to! its hilarious. sooooo funny. it was cancelled part way through the third season, but if it was on tv now it would be really popular. it was before its time. for sure.

and now i think i REALLY need to go get ready for work.

eat dinner, bury the dog, and run.

weird song title. i haven't ever heard this song before... my ipod is on shuffle. its by a band called polar bear club.

bethany has inspired me to write about the recipes i have tried. on monday night i tried two new recipes from my new collection! one was from a book called easy vegetarian. and let me tell you... it wasn't that easy. it took a really really really long time infact. it was tomato risotto. and i had to make the vegetable broth to cook it all in as well. that took about 2 hours (maybe a bit more) but it smelled FANTASTIC. so good. i was cooking with vegetables i had never eaten or cooked before. leeks and fennel.

the other thing i made for dinner (i know they don't go together at all) were kathmandu wraps out of the refresh cook book (so they were vegan). soooo delicious. and MUCH easier. the bulk of the wrap is what the book calls curried garbanzo filling. its a bunch of vegetables (garlic, onion, carrots, green pepper, yellow banana chilies) cooked with cumin, oregan, turmeric, and salt. and then once those are cooked soft you add mashed chickpeas (i mashed mine by hand and left them a little chunky... mmmm...) and a can of tomato paste. so you put that filling in a wrap, a healthy serving of it, with some tomatoes, cucumber, and sprouts. you serve it with a tahini sauce on the side (garlic, parsley, salt, lemon juice, water and tahini - which is sesame butter, all just blended in the food processor). it was FANTASTIC.

tyler's friend brady was coming over to take a peek in our attic to see if it is possible to run the wires he needs to run to give us a plug in for an oven (yes, we still don't have one). both recipes i made said serves 4, so we just invited brady and suzanne for dinner. it was the 4th night in a row they had been over at our house - many jokes we made. i really like them. and suzanne has had us over so many times for dinner, not to mention brady is doing all this electrical work for us, i think we totally owe them some good dinners.

anyhow... if anyone is curious about either recipe i used let me know, i can email them, or post them up here. they were both totally delicious. although... all together i used 10 cloves of garlic in dinner. haha. BUT IT TASTES SO GOOD!

of all the things.

so i suppose now its my turn to write about my birthday. it was fantastic, to start.

the party on saturday night was a really good time. so many of my friends came out. and i always get excited when all my friends from all their respective groups get together in one place and mingle. i love when people meet new people, and i know them all, and we all have a good time. and no one brought anyone else (well, except heather... but she asked) so i knew everyone. that was a really big deal to me. i didn't want people bringing a bunch of random people that i didn't know. i always say something awkward and rude like "who are you?" really loud and obnoxious. perhaps to establish... this is my house, and i do as i please. haha. but anyway, that didn't happen.

probably the biggest surprise was that my friend gill came down from calgary. she arrived the night before, and told me about 2 hours before she would have arrived that she was in fact coming. although... she didn't arrive for about 4 hours because her phone died. i had texted her the address because she hasn't been to our new house. her phone has gps so she would have been able to find it no problem. she didn't even really look at the text or the address because she figured she wouldn't need it till later... and then her phone died. she remembered the road. but the road we live on is a really really long road. haha. so her and the guy that she came down with, dan, drove up and down my road for a solid hour. called and left a message with kevin from dan's phone, and then waited another hour for kevin to call them back and give them tyler's number and directions. so funny. so fantastic. haha. they spent a whole HOUR driving up and down my road, looking in people's windows to see if gill could recognize some my artwork or belongings. she's a crazy girl. i love her. she's great.

i got a lot of really wonderful gifts too. tyler, my parents, and my brother all went in and got me a used serger. i can't WAIT to use it. i actually started setting up the sewing room (which included me single handedly dragging the table we brought out into the living room for the dinner last night back into the sewing room) but then i got frustrated trying to decide on the best way to arrange furniture for plug ins and stuff that i gave up and came in here to the computer. i'll get back to it. i have all day off. and tyler says he's busy for the rest of the week because this new video is coming out tomorrow that he apparently has to play with all his friends online. they're big dorks. haha. but thats okay... gives me a perfect excuse to work on my sewing room, and play with my new toy! i also received two mix cd's (erin and trystan). a book called music listography (it has things like "list 20 albums you would take if you were leaving planet earth on a spaceship" and stuff. its awesome. from trystan). a big beautiful purple leather bag (from a couple of girls i work with). a really cool cloth shopping bag with some little produce bags (from tyler's parents), a gift card to american apparel (also from tyler's parents). a really really cool old wooden jewellery box (gill found it at the pawn shop and haggled the guy from $50 down to $20. she's great). 4 RAD cook books (from heather and peter). a bag full of fundips (from mike, who is heather's boyfriend). a bottle of wine with a wine bottle stopper that has a big diamond on top (from brady and suzanne... suzanne said the stopper reminded her of my earrings... i love it). and a gift card to chapters (from tyler's best friend kevin). i am very very very excited about using each of these and enjoying them.

the potluck the second night was really nice too. i actually made something from one of my new cook books. the book is called refresh and its all vegan. and especially delicious sounding. its from a restaurant chain in toronto called fresh. i really would like to go and check it out. anyway, i made coconut tempeh from it and they were really good. we had a really fantastic feast actually all around. my mom, dean, andrew, rhiannon, brady and suzanne came. i loved it. it was chill and laid back. we played a little rock band, and then wrapped everything up with some rebar chocolate cake (which my mom made - thanks mom!!).

i think i would like to give the rebar cook book to EVERYONE as a gift because it is so thoroughly wonderful. everything is delicious. the refresh cook book might also make it to that category. it definitely is looking very promising. also, i got the whitewater cook book. if you haven't heard of it... CHECK IT OUT! its from a restaurant in nelson. and it ISN'T vegetarian for all of you meat lovers out there. but still really really awesome and delicious looking (i'm going to substitute things).

so... not only did all this happen this weekend... but tyler bought a brand spanking new truck on saturday. i went with him to kelowna. we left the house at 9. and didn't get home until around 5. haha. neither of us were expecting it to take that long. that was a full 8 hour day! complete with a lunch break. the dealership gave us a gift card to cactus club to go out and grab something because it was going to take so long for us to get in to talk to certain people and get his financing in place. his mom told us it's the fastest if you just come in, write a cheque, and say 'i want that one.' tyler and i decided we'll have to do that next time. haha. YAH RIGHT. so... i have adopted tyler's rather large grandma car. haha. at least until i can find something i want.

... and now i think its time for me to get back to the sewing room. and at least get it set up enough that i can serge some things!

metal heart.

so we finally finished painting, AND i put the room together yesterday. i was really really excited. haha. although, when i finished i realized it doesn't look at all like tyler lives in the room with me. it could probably just be MY room. oh well. his fault for saying he doesn't care so many times. i DID ask. plus, he didn't have a single thing on the wall in his old bedroom. so he didn't even have anything to contribute... but the room looks awesome (i think). after much feeling stupid, i even managed to figure out how to get the pictures off tyler's camera (yay!).

so there is my lovely blanket my mom made me. with matching pillow cases. my favourite part is that she made the cover out of old sheets she found at value village. i love it.










my favourite parts of this part of the room is the painting, which my best friend jasmine did for me for my birthday last year. it has a heart shaped lock, that says bff under it, an arizona ice tea can, and a rose. she hated it. i love it. and the purple in the heart goes quite nicely with the walls! and the set of fake mustaches beside the mirror on the wall. there is a different mustache for each day of the week. they're fun.









and, of course like i have said, we have no closets. these armoires are our closets. they're sooooo small. haha. its ridiculous. but they look nice. also, the pictures inbetween my friend darcy gave me. they're prints he got at the tattoo convention last year. i like them in here because its a he and she set. skulls. one is a gypsy, and the other is sort of more of a traditional sugar skull.







so thats the finished bedroom. also... i have a picture to prove that my cat isn't a grumpy old thing that hates everything and everyone. her and amily even cuddle these days. its cute.

saetia and amily are friends now. when i was rearranging the bedroom and putting everything back together, i was moving the bed, and of course amily was under it and all over the place being annoying like she does so well... and one of the wheels rolled on her. she made an AWFUL sound, and i got it off her right away. she was fine, but along comes saetia looking for her to make sure she was okay. she was worried! so there, mom, saetia is doing just fine with amily. she's happy even. now all we have to do is get amily to stop using one of the beds in the spare room as a litter box alternative, and all will be good to go!

now to get ready for work... agh. BUT... i just finished two days off, and after today, i get two more! WOO! and i get paid for one of them... the best.

i thought you were my boyfriend.

i always enjoy this song. its by a band called the magnetic fields. and its actually a guy singing. you don't often hear guys singing about being openly gay. i think its interesting. and different.

today is day one of my two days of cleaning and putting the house together before my birthday party. but i am finding myself horribly unmotivated. i actually just got out of bed. i got up earlier, like i usually do, at 6:15 to make tyler's lunch. but i was relieved to not have to drive him to work so i could take his car, and just go back to bed. i worked it out. i got about 11 hours of sleep.

the truth is, i'm feeling rather unsettled about my birthday. and i actually, gasp, don't want it to happen. i don't want to be 23 and still doing nothing worthwhile with my time. i don't want to be one year older and one year more pathetic. last night i got quite upset about it. so many thoughts going through my head it was overwhelming. thinking about all the things that i would like to do and be. so many things i always said i would be and do. and now i am thinking it is totally unrealistic and isn't going to happen ever. i'm impatient and a perfectionist. i don't want to wait to get good at things. i want to be good at them right away. and when i'm not, i get terribly frustrated and give up or just get really really mad at myself. the words hack job were being screamed at me by my brain. hack job when it comes to sewing. cooking. singing. writing. anything i WANT to be really good at.

in terms of career i would like... i guess i am still waiting for something to hit me on the head and me to fall in love with it. i am still waiting to find a job i enjoy every day. i am still waiting for something i find so interesting and intriguing that i want nothing more than to spend hours a day learning about it until i have a diploma or certification of some sort. i have had a million brainiac ideas, only to be replaced by a million more the following day. or sometimes just hours later. i think i love and dislike everything equally. i feel like there is no place for me. no place that i could just fit into. and this scares me the most. so what? i am just going to end up doing NOTHING worth while my entire life? really? thats so pathetic. i don't want to be that person.

i wonder if people younger than me think the same of me that i would have thought of me when i was 18 or 19. 'well its fine. they're cool. but i will for sure never end up like that at that age.' so naive that kind of thinking. i feel bad for being so judgemental. or maybe the problem is that i am still that way? that i am still thinking that of people like me, and now realizing that i am myself that way. and there doesn't seem to be a way out.

so really... as much as i love my birthday and the attention, and everyone being nice to me, and being able to get away with things if only for a day... i kind of wish that i could stay 22. 22 seems to be still safe to be figuring things out.

... i refuse to share what song is currently playing.

i'm at work. at the radio station. and i wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea about the kind of music i listen to. i don't CHOOSE this. trust me.

my mother keeps ragging on me about me writing about working here being so boring. it isn't boring. it is kinda boring when i operate hockey games (because i just listen to todd talk, and press buttons at appropriate times). but when i work a normal night, i find out what is going on in our community, the contests that are going on at the station, and normally i get to play a few songs for friends of mine (tonight i played heart for my friend who is home for thanksgiving). its fun. its fun that my job includes hanging out, talking, and playing music. and i thoroughly enjoy that i am not serving anyone (for some reason people seem to think that when you work in customer service your sole purpose in life is to adhere to their every whim... yah right).

i'm playing some billy joel now. i love it. thanks mom.

i've been a really big baby lately about my tattoo. my arm hurts. i know i asked for it, and i really shouldn't be such a baby. but i am. sorry. haha. i love it though. and i think its beautiful. my artist did a wonderful job. i just HATE when people ask me what it means. my response is always that i don't think tattoos are meant to be explained to anyone else. this one has boatloads of meaning to me, but it doesn't need to be explained to anyone else. i don't need someone judging whether its a good story or not. it doesn't need to mean anything to them. i ALSO hate when i notice people staring at it. haha. i didn't think it would happen quite this much. and i am also very aware of it all the time. also... my favourite is when it's old people, a lot of them regulars at the fare, and they look at me TOTALLY different now. i think its funny. GET OVER IT!

gwen stefani is an idol of mine. i don't talk about that a whole lot. her solo music career was mostly a flop, but no doubt is one of my favourite guilty pleasures. i love them. so good. and her style is soooooo awesome. i want to have a LOOK that is just mine. and i feel great in. i really would like to have the money to create that. and have the things that i want to wear. or the time to sew them. and the equipment. my sewing machine is less than perfect. IF it will successfully do a basic straight stitch, that would still leave me pretty limited. i've been trying to talk my mom into getting me a serger i found on craigslist for my birthday... we'll see what happens. a sewing machine and serger in my possession would be AMAZING. i would be so happy. i wanted to, at one point, attempt to not work and just sew stuff and sell it. i would like to try that again. i just need the motivation, and the equipment. i just don't think what i have is competent. although this could be me making excuses for myself?

tyler finally caught that bug that is going around. it sucks, because its as soon as he is back to work. he stayed in bed almost all day. i've been at work since 10 am. i'm gonna go home and make him some tea, maybe watch an episode of prison break? not too sure. it sucks because a couple of my friends are home for thanksgiving, and because i'm working so much i don't even know if i will get to see anyone. also, i am not doing any big family thanksgiving dinner. tyler and i were going to go to his mom's, but when i mentioned that i worked till 6:30, like i usually do on sunday, he told me that it was an early dinner. so i wasn't going to be able to make it. plus, with him being sick he doesn't want to go anywhere. but we're going to my mom's for dinner on monday. just have some left overs and some veggie dishes. i'm excited. play some games. it'll be a good time.

annnnd... time for me to focus on what to talk about for the evening. get the job done!
hope everyone has a good thanksgiving! be thankful!

change your face or change your name.

its getting COLD. it isn't pleasant. at all. i hate it. yesterday, after dropping tyler off at work, i crawled into bed in my leggings, giant t-shirt, hoodie, and slippers. and i was still shivering. i hate when it gets cold outside.

got my tattoo yesterday. its awesome. one step away from being done though. he still has to add these awesome red bursts around it. totally old school style. i loooove it.

i got a flat on monday (on my bike) and i gave it to andrew to fix it, along with money for a new tube. i said i needed to come get it that night... now its friday and i still don't have my bike. in fact, yesterday when i was over there helping my mom make salsa, it only had one pedal on it, and the tire was still flat. cool. thanks andrew. it isn't like thats my only form on transportation normally and i have to work or anything. sheesh.

my arm is really sore, and i am avoiding the shower this morning. and not wanting to go back to bed, because its mostly just uncomfortable (i didn't sleep that well, tyler said he heard me periodically through the night saying ow and trying to move). so here i am... at the computer... wasting my morning away.

done is done.

just quick. and funny that the song playing is titled as it is... we just started painting. well, we actually started yesterday, but we just did the white accent wall. we did the second coat on that, and the first coat on two of the purple walls. i'm REALLY excited. it looks beautiful. soooo much more life in the room than with the navy blue walls (who paints an entire room navy blue?). i am very very very very happy about it. although we're sleeping in the spare room with tyler's feather duvet, because he piled all the stuff in the room on top of our bed and my blanket... it was too big of a pain to try and move it to the spare room.

pictures to come soon! promise!

also... my tattoo appointment got cancelled - but he called and we rebooked for thursday evening. so it isn't TOO far away. haha. oh well.

i was bummed out all day.
it's a good evening.

all our tomorrows.

i learned something about cancon tonight. which, for those of you who don't have a career in radio, is candian content. it isn't necessarily canadian artists. it has to do with who produced it, recorded it, wrote it, and performed. if you have 3/4 then it is considered canadian content. so... kelly rowland's song unity is considered cancon. go figure, considering she is from houston or something like that. ridiculous if you ask me.

i keep telling my boss i have a whole STASH of fantastic canadian artists. haha. he keeps telling me 'we aren't trying to attract you as our audience. we're trying to attract your mom.' and so i responded with ' i have a whole bunch of cancon that my mom would rather hear on the radio instead of what you normally play.' we'll see how that goes. haha. i think i am just going to make him a cd and bring it in and let him do as he pleases with it. whatever. at least then i am trying to make radio a better listening experience.

i'm ridiculously bored again tonight. i can't believe i have another hour and a half. i was trying to hold off writing tonight, because i just did yesterday. but i cracked. why not! i'm sitting here with a computer beside me anyway! pffff... might as well use it. and the free time (sort of free time).

i love stevie nicks. i love when little gems come up on the playlist for the evening.

so i decided that i wanted to post my monthly playlists on here as well as facebook. and with a little description about the song, or why i picked it, or liked it. or something. haha. maybe its dumb... but i feel like its what i want to do.

1. morgan hillis - cloudgaze
this one is a girl that i know. my friend conrad's little sister. he actually found the song that she had recorded and thrown in the trash on the computer. conrad, having just finished school for recording arts, pulled it out and started messing around with it. and now it is this ridiculously catchy and fantastic song. i'll keep you all posted on the ep they are working on (i'm gonna get it played on the radio!)

2. passion pit - swimming in the flood
i listened to this band's album because my friends who are into way cooler music than me didn't shut up about it... this song grabbed me for some reason. its kind of dark and interesting sounding.

3. bat for lashes - horse and i
i had heard ONE song from this band a long time ago on a mix from a friend of mine, but never the rest of the album. i loved the song i heard though. plus it has a wicked video (whats a girl to do is the title). i discovered one day while cleaning that tyler had the whole album on his computer, and i gave it a spin. this is the first song, and probably the best one (other than the single i mentioned before... its awesome).

4. portishead - roads
this song is on the soundtrack for the movie tank girl. which is also awesome. for a couple of years i wondered what the song during that one part of the movie where she is showering in dust was, and loved it. my friend shelby finally gave me two portishead albums, and was like 'recognize this song? its from tank girl'. i was like 'WHAAAT? how did you not tell me this before!' i listened to a lot of portishead when i was living in calgary - it somehow suits the landscape and the cold and the wind when you're walking around. i was missing calgary... and so this song came back into my life. i'm very glad it did though.

5. the do - tammie
this is a tyler contribution. he plays this song on repeat. i don't know what it is... she has an odd vocal quality. and the way she pronounces words. he got it off this huge playlist he downloaded (really random). i know nothing about the band. i just know that tyler plays this song on repeat, and i like it.

6. cuff the duke - by winter's end
i think i played this band's album when i was cleaning again. i don't think i had listened to the whole thing before (i have about a million albums on my ipod like that). trystan introduced me to them - he is always so much more in the know than me when it comes to cool music. he put one of the songs on a mix for the levi's store when i worked there and him and i made numerous cd's to listen to at the store so i didn't go crazy listening to big and rich and bon jovi (fml). this song grabbed me and i instantly fell in love with it. i told doug about this band, and they just so happened to be playing the following night in vancouver. i discovered they were playing the night after that in kelowna. doug got to go. i was at the radio station.

7. andrew bird - see the enemy
tyler showed me a live video of this song on youtube (if you look it up, its under anonanimal). its really cool. he plays the violin and loops it several times. and he picks the strings, instead of using the bow for a good portion of it. plus the song is awesome.

8. band of horses - our swords
another song that tyler found. it was on the soundtrack for nick and norah's infinite playlist. he discovered when he ripped all my music onto his computer that i had two albums. i hadn't ever listened to them. i got them from a guy that my old best friend dated when they came to visit me in vancouver almost 2 years ago. haha. it was good, i listened to both albums, and i like them both a lot... this song stands out just because i have heard it so many times now (tyler... repeat...).

9. conor oberst - cape canaveral
i really like the feature that apple has put on itunes, and also in the newer ipods. genius. it gathers information on your music - all kinds of things from movies that songs were in, the beat, how many times you skip it, artists that have collaborated, people who download this also downloaded this... so you can pick one song, click start genius, and it will make you a playlist of songs that should go well together. it works really well most of the time, i just wish it had info on more of my music, although it has a ton. this song kept coming up on lists i made using that... and i really enjoyed it. so it made it on the september list!

10. .moneen. - believe
i have loved this band since i was 15. my boyfriend i had in high school showed me them when he got me into punk rock. they aren't really punk... but i guess they kind of get swept into that genre. this song is pretty straight ahead. its a new single, and it was a free download on itunes (yay!).

11. the constantines - i will not sing a hateful song
ummm... i listened to this album, because it is another group that trystan talks about. and i am trying to catch up and explore all the music i have. this is a song that trystan has used on mixes before... and nothing else on the album really stood out to me (it could be that i was scrubbing the bathroom walls quite intensely and just didn't listen well enough). but this song is really good.

12. the beatles - while my guitar gently weeps
september 1st was rainy. and tyler went off to school really really early in the morning. i laid in bed with the window open, listening to the rain fall on our tin roof. i love the sound of rain. when i lived in vancouver there were certain songs that i would put on a playlist for rainy days when i would be riding the bus. this was my favourite song. something about it just fits the sombre mood of rainy days on the bus in vancouver.

13. greg graffin - don't be afraid to run
greg graffin is the lead singer of a band called bad religion. a punk rock band from the 90's and 80's. not heavy punk. but all the members of the band are ridiculously intelligent, which is what set them aside from a lot of other bands in the same genre. the singer has a phd and everything. i think he auctioned it off to raise money for some charity or something? anyway... he later came out with a folk album. it has a lot of traditional folk songs. i liked it. this song was one of my favourites when i listened to the album.

14. dog day - rome
this is another song that came to me from tyler. it was from that giant random playlist he downloaded. and when i listened to that tammie song, this one came next on itunes... and i liked it... so it went on the list.

15. passion pit - moth's wings
this one was also on the random playlist. it was the song i listened to and was like... i should check out the rest of their stuff, seeing as how everyone won't shut up about them. funny thing was... we were in the car, and i said to tyler 'will you download some passion pit for me.' he says 'passion pit?' i nod, and say 'what is this?' because a new song had just started... and it was this song. he laughed. it was really weird.

16. patrick watson - a big bird in a small cage
another single of the week on itunes. my friend susie in calgary made me a couple of mixes when her and i started hanging out. she had a patrick watson song on one of them. it was fantastic. this song is also fantastic.

17. elliott smith - a passing feeling
i have been going through a pretty solid elliott smith phase. and this song stood out to me while i was listening to my favourite album. i love when something hits home with a song that you have heard a million times and some kind of new meaning is brought to your attention. i got a new vibe off this one. it was a good one.

and now that i have ranted off about music... and what i like... i hope you're still reading. i should get back to the job i am getting paid to do right now. i'm currently playing simple plan. if it was up to me, this song wouldn't be played on the radio anywhere ever. no one should have to listen to them. its awful.

i hope you're all listening to something better.

who actually listens to hockey games on the radio?

i don't understand how someone can find this interesting? unless your a parent of a kid on the team, and you can't make an out of town game, why would you listen to your local team's game on the radio? its so boring.

unfortunately, i HAVE to listen to it. infact, i get paid to listen to it. and press buttons, and then read the news (which is terrifying, as i found out about 15 mins ago). its lonely and boring, and i can't really do anything else too intensely, because if i am not paying close attention i will miss a cue to play a commercial or some other silly thing i'm supposed to do. plus... i'm not that good at this (this is the first time i have actually operated on my own... i'm a bit freaked out about the whole thing), and so its stressfull.

i wish i was anywhere but here currently.

i decided earlier this afternoon that i am actually pretty done with work. this relationship between employment and i has had a pretty good run. a solid 8 years. and i think i am ready to move on. maybe try something like retirement. tyler says soon. i just have to wait for him to make the big bucks. haha.

i think work is especially frustrating because for the most part i feel like i am working for nothing. i feel like i have been working since i was 15 and have nothing to show for myself. i'm not going to school. i have no career path. i am not bettering myself. i'm not even saving money. i'm just surviving. getting caught in the strong current that is bills, expenses, and never having enough time to do anything. most of the time i feel like it isn't even remotely worth it. i feel guilty when i spend money on myself, because i have a mountain of debt baring down on me (that is probably a bit of an exaggeration). it just sucks. living in this small town where i know the majority of people my age, it is embarrassing to have to admit that i am doing nothing important still. small talk. i dread it. "oh you're living here again. what have you been up to?". " oh you know. just hangin out. this is my 6th year not going back to school."

i might as well just respond, "yah, i'm a really big loser doing nothing of mention with myself and i don't imagine it will ever change. how about you?"

i'm trying to slow down a bit. taking as much as i can get from the radio station, hoping i can work one less day at the fare. i'm sick of customer service in a bad way. i'm sick of people treating me like my sole purpose is to serve them. i have news for all you upper middle class yuppies - NO ONE WAS PUT ON THIS EARTH JUST TO SERVE YOU.

..... i think thats it for my rant.

on another much happier note, my birthday is coming up! well... i have 15 days to go, but thats close enough for me to start the countdown.

i love my birthday. maybe its just the fact that i am allowed to demand attention and be the center of attention. haha. i just like feeling special, and that is an ultimate special day. i love it. i'm planning on having two parties. one big party at our house (it'll probably include lots of people, music, and hecticness), and one chill out night with some of my "older" friends and parents and such. i think i'm more excited for the chill night. it'll be my actual birthday, and will include a vegetarian potluck. i also like that i can demand it to be vegetarian - its my birthday! eff all you guys and your animal eating. its my day.

... hopefully i don't fall asleep listening to this silly game. hockey is a silly game altogether.

oh, yesterday came suddenly.

i'm working at the radio station again. i think after last week when i put in feist instead of miley cyrus, and patrick noticed, he is trying to put in music i actually kind of like. this week the same feist song i added last week was programmed into my time chunk. pretty stoked. apparently its a song our station doesn't normally play. and right at this very moment i am playing yesterday, by the beatles of course. fantastic. i love it.

mostly all i have to talk about tonight is hockey. a local game, and the canucks preseason game of course. luckily tyler keeps me up to date on the canucks... haha... because i actually don't care. if anyone is interested, you can listen to my show here: http://www.1075kiss.com. just click on the listen bubble thing on the right hand side of the screen. i'm normally on saturday nights from about 6:30 till 11. i also take requests occasionally from people i like (winkwink).

things have been a bit better at work; less frustrated. i think it has to do with how well things have been going at the radio station. its looking like i'm going to be getting some wicked opportunities here. i'm hoping i can get enough hours that i can cut back a shift at the fare. which would be WICKED. less sandwich making for me, as patrick would say. he seems to think thats all i do there. which i find quite amusing. i have to say, i much prefer sitting in a room by myself talking about a little bit of this and a little bit of that as opposed to dealing with customers and trying to get a million things done. it suits me much better. a nice fit, if i do say so myself. although, i think i'm far too good looking for radio. HA!

i finally got a foot for my sewing machine! but, for the life of me, i haven't managed to find any time to see if it actually works properly yet. haha. i bought it at a garage sale like 3 years ago, and i haven't ever actually used it. i did try to see if it stitched okay ONCE, but without a foot. the stitches were all loose and gross, but i'm really really really hoping that is just because of the lack of a foot. i might have some tension problems to deal with (mom?). but hopefully i can get sewing pronto. tyler is continuously reminding me that he needs his shorts mended. he ripped them when we were moving. i'm concerned i won't get to them before it is past shorts season. fortunate for him... it looks like it is going to stay pretty warm for a little while longer. it has been beautiful in the okanagan for the last several weeks. gets pretty chilly at night, but the days are wonderful. i love the sun. and it loves me. my freckles are as prominent as ever. it makes for some fantastic bike rides (although, my confession, i've been horribly lazy when it comes to bike riding... but i think my frantic schedule otherwise excuses it).

i really have been wanting to have some kind of exercise for the winter that i know i can make myself do. i really want to learn to swim laps. i can't really swim, at all - i flounder and manage to keep my head above water at best. but there is a woman at work who does triathalons and she knows a guy who teaches people how to swim laps specifically. so i am looking into getting some lessons. any other advice for good winter exercise that isn't snowboarding, skiing, or the gym (i despise the gym - its so boring, and i always feel like everyone is looking at me, which is enough to make me shudder just imagining). i've been working on improving my diet and lifestyle. i'm a rather lazy individual, and i know it isn't healthy. that is ONE good thing about working at the fare - the people there are a wealth of knowledge. and i have developed an interest. before i had nothing.

i'm going to attempt painting in the next couple days. and after there will be pictures. for sure! i'm excited to share how my house is coming along. i spent about an hour cleaning the bathroom on wednesday. scrubbing the walls mostly. i didn't even clean the bathtub or toilet. but the upside to that is it now looks nice and bright instead of dingy and faintly dirty. and is fantastically organized. it makes me happy. my coworker says i'm really obsessive about things. he seems to think it is verging on compulsive. i think its funny. but its true... i have to do everything a certain way, and i have always been like this, for as long as i can remember. having everything cleaned and organized MY way is a big deal. luckily tyler is laid back, and would rather let me do things my way and just go along with it. then he doesn't have to think about it.

mmmmmm... thats about all i got tonight. tune in and listen to me next week! (there might be a hockey game... if there is... sorry!).

nighttiming.

just because i'm pretty sure no one will catch on... i have been naming my posts the name of the song i am currently listening to when i start writing. just because. its fun. today's is particular fun - by a band called coconut records. pretty good. its jason schwartzman's band.

when tyler got his computer set up, he decided that he wanted to rip all my music off my ipod... we now have just over 16000 songs on the computer... well... some of them are on his external hard drive, but they all come up when you are listening to music on the computer. and let me tell you, it is the most random music collection i think i have ever seen. tyler is about as random as me, but in different ways. for instance... tyler has music that you would hear if you went to the club on a friday night. wtf? sometimes he likes to put it on when we have friends over hanging out... because he thinks its funny when people are like, WHAT is this and WHY are we listening to it. and i just laugh because i know EXACTLY how it came to be.

so today is my no work day, and i haven't called the chiropractor (sorry mom... i keep forgetting) and i am supposed to ride my bike all the way over to kal lake to hang out with tenille at her mom's. she wants to try and pretend its still summer, and attempt to get a tan. or some semblance of one. she lives in toronto now, and does make up and special effects make up for movies... and so works several consecutive long days. so she missed the whole summer, pretty much. but i just got out of bed, and i'm feeling lazy. and like taking my time. and my mom wants me to come and can tomatoes with her... and i feel like i should because i never have time any other time... so maybe i'll end up doing that at some point today. tyler and i also need to paint... maaaybe that will happen tonight. we got purple paint for our bedroom. its half navy blue, and half baby pink. we were joking last night with some friends that its like they were painting, and someone else came in and said 'we're moving out!' and so they just dropped their rollers, and thats as far as the painting went (they didn't even finish the wall they were working on). i hate the navy blue so much, and the pink is really ugly too. i actually just hate the way our room looks right now. it sucks.

and i just remembered what i wanted to write about today! yay! i came up with a really awesome idea for decorating my sewing room without having to paint it (because, as tyler pointed out, paint is expensive, and it isn't our house). i have this really awesome tacky but wonderful chair that my mom found me, and another brown one. both really old. and they both match, but don't, with the baby blue colour of the walls. tyler and i were going through my box of pictures the other night. and i found some of my favourite pictures i have in there. some reaaallllyyy cool pictures of my kleyh grandparents. their wedding photo in particular (she wore a skirt suit, and he wore his navy uniform. so perfect looking for the era). i want to find some cool cheesy old frames (i figure i'll check out value village and find some sweet gold ones) and frame a bunch of old pictures. i'll do the whole room vintage, and with pictures of my family. old ones. i'm excited. i also need to track down a cute little writing desk for the typewriter tyler got me for no reason in particular other than he knew i was in love with it. it was made in 1948, and it is beautiful.

anyway... now its time to clean, and decide what exactly i am going to do with my day. agh. you shouldn't have to make decisions like this on days off. this should be able to just happen. or not happen. but no plans.

satelite.

sometimes i just love listening to elliott smith. other times its way too sad and it will taint my mood. but lately i have been finding there isn't anything else i want to listen to in the morning. its perfect. up here, you can look out the kitchen window across all the fields, with their layer of fog, and be rocked gently by the velvety sounds of 'from a basement on a hill', which is probably my favourite album.

my mornings when tyler leaves are disrupting. i try my best to just fall back asleep, but little amily is just SO ANNOYING. as kittens can be, i suppose. just as i think i am drifting off again, there she is clawing her way up the side of the bed, walking on my face, biting my toes. its just too much. i much prefer the way saetia just sleeps in a lump between my legs, not needing any attention at all. but that's what you get after being patient with her for 3 and a half years. and everytime i tell tyler how annoying HIS kitten is, he corrects me... 'it's OUR kitten.' he has informed me that it is OURS, he just wants it to love him more. haha. what can you do?

here's a picture that tyler took of saetia a little while ago. unfortunately i can't find the ones he took of amily...

















today is my last day of work before two days off (finally). my mom. won't let me work for them, which is probably better for me (and my back). my plans include going to the chiropractor and seeing my friend tenille who hasn't been back in town for 2 years. i'm really excited. should be a pgt.

amy: pictures of your tattoo make me reaaaalllllyyyy excited to get mine. i have a countdown going. as well as a countdown to my birthday. which i am also really excited for.

anyway... better finish getting ready so i can bike to work on time (riding to work kills my back right now... otherwise its a really nice downhill ride. takes about 20 minutes, and its beautiful. luckily, tyler is always done school or work before me, so i haven't had to ride home yet. pgt).

while you see a chance.

sooo... its saturday night. which means i work 2 jobs. so i go to nature's fare from 10:00 to 6:30. and then after that the radio station (i'm actually supposed to start here at 6, but i can't get here that early) until 11:00. i hate saturdays, and i don't think its too hard to see why. i get up in the morning, usually make tyler and i breakfast, and then either he takes me to work, or i steal his car and take myself... or if i feel like it, i bike. which means he has to come and pick me up at 11 (which he isn't too keen on considering its WAY past his bedtime). not to mention working at nature's fare in general is continuously getting worse. i close 4 days a week, and closing the deli is no walk in the park. they are always trying to make me do more things in less time. by the time i finished today i was thoroughly flustered and sweaty and just straight up pissed off. and then it was time to hustle my butt over to the radio station to sit myself down in a soundproof room and talk into a mic about things i don't usually give a shit about and sound extra cheerful! woo! love life.

anyway. thats my rant.

i think i need to take a few solid days off. working 7 days a week with a couple of 12 hour days in there is too much for me. i don't have any time for all the projects i want to get done. which i can't even start until i go out and find some stupid feet for my sewing machine, or another, working, used sewing machine that comes WITH feet. that would be convenient, no? i have so many things sitting on the table in my not yet put together sewing room just begging for me to work on them. or mend them. or whatever. speaking of which...

laura: i recently got my bangs cut in the classic 50's pin up style, straight across, but with a curve. its pretty cool. i woke up bummed this morning, and so i put on red lipstick for work and felt pretty jazzed. i got told by an older woman at work that i reminded her of old pictures of her mother, and continued to talk to me about the fantastic clothes her mother would wear in these pictures - polka dots and fitted dresses. sweetheart necklines, and cute little pumps.... so now i have a new goal. i really want to make myself (whether it be through altering an existing piece, or completely fabricating my own) a dress like this. and doll myself up like that... and THEN we can take pictures. what do you think about that?

the house is coming along, slowly. and i love it. its so nice to have space to make my own. tyler and i are working on painting a few rooms right now, and of course getting an oven put it. the oven is turning out to be quite the task. we have been given a few options from tyler's electrician friend (let me tell you... having a boyfriend in the trades is the BEST). one of them was to actually put in an entire new electrical board or whatever... which is a huge task. because i guess everything is really old and messy and we aren't sure if there can be a breaker found for it to have enough to put in a breaker for the oven. such an ordeal. i just want an oven already. i want to make cookies. lots of cookies. and freeze them for whenever i might feel like eating them. haha. i think maybe i'm just really in love with the idea of having a freezer full of fantastic things to eat. but who isn't?

anyway... i should probably focus on what i'm supposed to be talking about on air... because i think i'm coming off as an amateur right now. haha.

TOO MUCH GOING ON ALL THE TIME!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!