etsy store!!

i finally got it all up and going. check 'em out here!!

don't forget to tell all your friends and spread the good word.

all good things.

today is the day that i get to go and spend my gift certificate at blackbird... as well as return the gift that tyler got me there. i'm really excited to find something fabulous there. there is a small hope in the back of my mind that they will have another of the hat that i wanted... but i suspect it was a one of a kind sort of thing made locally or something. trying not to get my hopes up or anything just to be disappointed. there were also these REALLY cute purple italian leather gloves that i have been dreaming about... and there are countless fabulous things, really.

last night tyler and i went over to his best friend's parents house. it was sort of a guys hang out, but tyler really wanted me to go with him. so i did. for a while we sat upstairs me, tyler, kevin, brady, and andre, with kevin's brother, parents, and a couple of other people they had over. the 5 of us watched true blood on mute, with kevin explaining to his brother who people were and what was happening. it was pretty funny. i think van morrison was playing on the stereo - hence the muted true blood. i commented on how it was funny that eventually everyone just stopped talking and just watched the muted tv show, even though almost all of us have seen it already. and then the tv was turned off. i probably shouldn't have... because after that the boys and me made our way to the basement so playstation 3 nhl shootouts could take place. boredom ensued.

i was suffering from several consecutive nights of not enough sleep and working early, so i had already said i would be going home early to go to bed. at just after 9, i did that. tyler said he would stay and catch a ride home.

i went home, and watched an episode of gilmore girls (yes, i jumped on that bandwagon after hearing all of you talk about it... and i needed something to watch that tyler wouldn't want to watch with me) and then went to bed. i drifted into a very comfortable sleep. at one point, i don't know how long it was happening before i woke up, but i awoke to the sound of my phone buzzing uncontrollably. i think for a while i made the half asleep decision to just ignore it. it was probably just a useless text message. but eventually i picked it up, because it wouldn't stop viberating. it was tyler calling, which i thought was weird. why wasn't he home yet? he told me he was walking home... which is ridiculous. its a pretty far walk. and it was 3 am. he said no cabs were coming to get him... he didn't want me to come get him... but i didn't really want him to walk home and get home at like 5 or something. plus... when i got outside, it was snowing really good. and he wasn't even wearing a coat! sheesh. he tried telling me he was more than halfway by then anyway... but i got up and put on my slippers and one of his nice lined hoodies from his mom, and set out to find him.

i found him way way down bellavista road, and picked him up. we didn't talk on the way home. i was too tired.

but... as always when i get fully woken up... i couldn't fall asleep FOREVER... and now i am in the same place i was yesterday... soooo tired. hopefully things go better tonight and i get an early undisturbed night of sleep. hopefully.

philadelphia freedom.

i am unbelievably tired.

it sort of feels like christmas didn't happen. and i think i have managed to figure out why. the first reason is: i worked christmas morning. it sucked. not being a christmas person... i didn't think it would bug me that much. make good money with overtime, work a few hours, and be on with it. but... dragging myself out of bed at 4:30 after not being able to sleep (i'm sure due to caffeine in my system), showering, dressing, and going down to the station. it was dark. i was the only person here. it was just a bummed out feeling. at 9 tyler came to hang out with me and brought starbucks - which definitely helped me not be so bummed.

that was followed by a trip to the krusel household (tyler's mom's married name). it was pleasant. gifts were exchanged. his parents are always very generous. tyler and i each received a hoodie (which we both asked for - his was lined... so nice and warm), and $200 in those prepaid visa card things. and a stocking full of little goodies. all his siblings waited until i was done work to gather there too - which i didn't think was happening... so that was a nice surprised. only his step brother ryan, the youngest, wasn't there. he had to work till 2. i felt bad for him... because i know how it feels. tyler and i got a board game from his step brother chris and his girlfriend kendra. we're pretty into games. i can't wait to have a game night and play it!! it looks really fun.

at around 1 we took off and went to my mom's. well... as soon as we were in the truck to go to my mom's, i realized that we forgot to stop at the bank and get the cash for andrew's present. tyler was REALLY grumpy about the prospect of having to drive all the way into town to go to the bank. and then he realized that he left his phone at his mom's, and we had to stop back there too - which just made him more grumpy. haha. so i managed to convince him to just stop at the 7-11 so i could use the atm, and then it was a nice loop to go to his mom's and get his phone too.

we got to my mom's and rushed her off the phone. everyone gathered in the living room to open the gifts from us (i guess the gift opening in the morning was over very very quickly). i always get really excited to see people open the gifts i get them. its the best part. tyler and i got dean a sweater (a cashmere blend sweater in charcoal grey). i got rhiannon these purple leggings that have markings on them to try and make them look like jeans - we saw them when shopping at winners and my mom distracted her so i could make the purchase. she promptly put them on. tyler got her a book which she was excited to start reading (books are always a hit with rhiannon). my mom opened her present from tyler on christmas eve - they were really soft fleece pajama pants - blue with multicoloured peace signs on them, which tyler found amusing. i also got her a cashmere sweater. i think it was %100 cashmere though. in a beautiful deep red colour. it fit perfectly and looks really good on her. and andrew, as i mentioned before... got the money he asked for for his snowboard. i think he made a pretty good haul between everyone, actually. tyler got some felted slippers from my mom, which he was quite happy about. a case of beer from dean - which has become the traditional gift from dean to tyler i think. andrew got him a lamp - which he opened christmas eve. and rhiannon made us a mirror thing with some coloured glass and stuff around it (its hard to describe... i'll take a picture, its really cool! and she made it herself... best part).

and here is the second reason i don't think it felt like christmas. i didn't actually get a lot of gifts. NOT that i am complaining - i get to shopping and get some fabulous things i never would have been able to afford before. my mom's present to me isn't finished yet, but i saw the work in progress and i am really excited about it. it is this scarf/cowl/hood thing in a really nice dark eggplant purple. my friend kelsey has one that she wore over once, and i loved it. so i told my mom, and got kelsey to take pictures of it, and i forwarded those on to my mom... and voila. something that kelsey paid A LOT of money for... made for me!... but i haven't got it yet. there was this hat i spotted at a really cool jewellery/accessory store in town called blackbird (they have really cool vintage and reworked stuff) - it was felt, white, and kind of 30's esque in shape and style with a red felt rose on the side. it was gone when andrew and dean went to go get it for me, so i got a $40 gift card for blackbird. i can't wait until i have time to go in there and pick something! there are about a million things in that store that i would love to own. and tyler ALSO went to go get me that same hat from blackbird, like the day after i had seen it even, and it was already gone (which really bums me out... i fell instantly in love with that hat) and so he got me another hat... which... well even if i DID want to wear it... it doesn't fit my head (on a positive note, megan saw it last night and she thinks it is beautiful and can't believe i don't want to wear it every day). tyler's dad and step mom sent us some gifts too. tyler and i each got a card with $100 in it (handy to get a $100 bill... which we conveniently still had to give andrew for his birthday present). i also got a couple other things... which i won't talk about. they weren't really my thing.

so that is that... maybe it will feel more like christmas after i make a shopping trip?

my earrings were well received by everyone i gifted them to - which makes me very excited. anyone want a pair? send me an e-mail (eryn.kleyh@gmail.com) with your address and i will get some in the mail to you as soon as i get the little parts the lady at the bead store ordered for me (also... i ordered a whole bunch of BEAUTIFUL feathers from etsy yesterday - thanks prepaid visa card gift). the only catch is that you have to tell everyone who comments on them about my etsy store. hahahahaha. maybe i should make up some business cards and send them along with the earrings? what do you think?

three little rolls.

i have been growing out my bangs. i love my bettie page bangs... but... i have recently fallen in love with the look of rolled bangs even more (i love to lurk this blog - she has the cutest style). they have gotten pretty long... and don't really curl under very well. so this morning i thought i would try something i saw on before mentioned blog (this is what she did when growing her bangs out). three little pincurls.

also, conveniently, this picture shows off some of my earrings i made. i get a lot of compliments when i wear them. but i will be honest with you... these are some from the first batch i made - the newer ones are much nicer. haha. i still like these... but i will probably make myself another pair as well.

anyway... the whole point of this post was for me to share my hair excitement. i was really happy with how they turned out. i need to figure out something good to do with the rest of my hair to go with them. it would look good curled on the bottom... but i didn't have time to do that. any suggestions on what might look nice? any requests for feather earrings? anyone you think might be interested in purchasing them once i get them up on my etsy shop? i would greatly appreciate that!!




ps. i finally took them over to jordi's to be photographed last night. jordi, megan, and i decorated what was left of my sugar cookies. it was really fun. megan made a ronald mcdonald cookie. and a nacho libre cookie. maybe i will have to follow up with some pictures of those...

the suburbs.

i got really into the new arcade fire album that came out this year. i managed to get in the idea for jen and i to play our favourite song of the year in our new years eve show. this is the song that i picked for mine. i don't know that it is legitimately my favourite song of the year... but it fits our sound here at the station (i think, anyway) and it is canadian - go canadian independent music!!!!

3 french toast, two turtle necks, and a beer.

hahaha. we're playing bob and doug mckenzie's 12 days of christmas. it makes me laugh. 5 golden toques? seriously? hahaha. so funny.

i'm still just not excited and in the christmas spirit. the stress about work has totally consumed my brain and how i feel. i just feel bummed all the time... even if it isn't my immediate emotion, it is lurking there underneath. i don't know what to do. i need to find something else. and the prospects of other jobs around here is just depressing. i have no education. no training. no qualifications. i am just back where i started - looking for yet another crappy time wasting job. why couldn't this have happened in march? and then i could just work my butt off washing windows for the summer - at least leading up to the wedding. it just puts everything else on the back burner. how are we going to make a month back packing in europe happen when i can't even pay half our rent with my paycheque? agh.

so much frustration.

... that's all i'm thinking about right now. i can't even think of anything else to write.

i am decorating cookies with jordi and megan after work tonight. i'm pretty excited about it. me and my mom and my friend tenille (who came at the last minute - she's home for christmas from toronto) made the most delicious chocolates i think i have EVER had yesterday. our order came in from rancho vignola. my mom ordered a big box of dates, and i ordered some expensive chocolate, and so we tried out one of jayme's ideas from my food for thought feature on my radio show. we did a special on edible gifts last week. so what we did was pitted the dates, and filled it with peanut butter, closed it back up, and then dipped the whole thing in melted dark chocolate. then we decorated them with melted white chocolate. it was super fun, they looked really good, and they tasted SO GOOD. next time you don't know what to get someone - i highly recommend this.

still haven't gotten the photos of my earrings... but my stock has massively depleted after gifting a whole bunch of them to people... i need to make some more! and i think i will need to make a few more trips to the bead store for supplies. and order some more feathers too. perhaps some different kinds of feathers. we'll see what i can find...

it would be really nice to supplement my income just by crafting and selling things. do you think that is possible?

my girl the horse

a friend of mine posted this video on facebook this morning. i fell in love with this song... and the album is nowhere to be found for download!!! maybe you will fall in love with it like i did...

don't speak.

no doubt is one of my guilty pleasures. and lucky for me... they're playing right now on the radio.

as of january my work situation is set to change. and not for the better. the schedule for the new year went up last week... and... i will have ONE life shift a week. ONE. my paycheque won't even cover half our rent. awesome. so i suppose i will be searching for a new job if something doesn't work it self out.

my christmas shopping is done. i feel pretty good about that. and wrapped!! the only bummer is that i ordered tyler something online a couple of weeks ago... and it still hasn't arrived. i worry it won't. yikes!!

i still haven't gotten my etsy store up and running... i am waiting on photos of all my lovely earring creations. i am to drop them off at jordi's tomorrow before i come in to work for our weekly staff meeting (where i will complain about the cuts that have been made to our schedule after i was assured that everything would be fine - how is one shift a week fine??). hopefully i can make a little bit of extra revenue... maybe??

i don't really feel like i have a whole lot to report. a lot of my friends are home for christmas and i am thankful for that. i love getting to see people who live on the other side of the country.

snow snow snow.

if i was into skiing or snowboarding i would be REALLY excited... they got 30 cm of fresh snow last night at silverstar. so much snow!!! we got a pretty good dump in vernon too. driving to work was fun this morning... at 5:20 am... i drove really really slow.

i have officially started my christmas shopping. this is what makes me hate christmas every year. i would love to get a million things for everyone, but i never have a budget to cover it. its frustrating. there are so many nice things that i would like to do for people for christmas. rhiannon, my mom, and i had a conversation last night in starbucks after we had shopped for a bit about helping other people this time of year. i always always remember the christmas we came home to find everything we needed for christmas dinner, a tree, and all our presents just left on our porch in winnipeg. it was probably one of the most amazing things anyone has ever done for me. just something to keep in mind.

i am tired this morning. i stayed up too late last night (you aren't the only one who does that, laura). i would really really really like to go back to bed right now. but nope, i'm at work. and i probably won't get to go back to bed after. it will just have to be an early night tonight.

tyler has his finals this week. and then his big exam on the 23rd. and then he is DONE his apprenticeship. i will be much relieved when he is working again. not to mention... he'll be a journeyman, which is cool.

i've been feeling really uninspired in the kitchen lately. and lazy. i'm sick of always having to make dinner. and do all the dishes. there is nothing that kills your want to cook like having to clean up the whole mess yourself after. it isn't a great deal. tyler and i decided that he's going to take monday, tuesday and wednesday dinners (which are the nights i work at the station), and i'll do thursday, friday and saturday. sunday we can cook together. and i said if he comes grocery shopping with me and doesn't just leave it all up to me then i would make his lunches for him during the week too. pretty good deal, right?

i'll get some pictures of my feather earrings happening!!!

producer back in the studios.

that's me! it is vipers hockey season yet again, and i offered to operate the game tonight as there are games tomorrow night, and sunday afternoon as well. so... i gave jen a bit of a break for the weekend. no big deal.

i have read up to date on everyone's blogs. i feel like i have been neglecting my blog horribly. oops.

my hand is ALMOST healed. still a little sore. the scar makes it hard to completely straighten my finger. it sucks. a little bit of the scab did indeed turn black and fall off, but it wasn't enough to necessitate a skin graph, so that was good. it also got infected, and i apparently left the stitches in too long. the infection is basically gone (and without the use of antibiotics, thankyouverymuch) and just a little scab left where the gross black part fell off. it has been an adventure... haha.

i got this idea for homemade christmas gifts - feather earrings!! i made a bunch, and thought - these look good enough to sell on etsy! so i want to create my own etsy shop and put my earring creations on there. but first... some will indeed be gifted. i hope people like them. i used beads and feathers - they're really pretty. i got some really cool glass beads for them too - and used some of rhiannon's. anyone have any ideas for a cool etsy shop name?

aside from that... i haven't done ANY christmas shopping, and unless tyler gets his ei next week... i don't even know that i will be able to do christmas shopping at all. its a little bit stressful.

i found black forest cake in the fridge at the station. score.

the lovely killbots!

this is a friend of mine from toronto... her band is awesome. check out their first video!!!

wounded.

i haven't kept things up to date. oops. i've been really really busy. BUT... now i am not really washing windows, and just working at the station and sewing. and... back to cooking dinners and stuff. i have to get back on track with the cooking. i have been so lazy/busy.

the biggest news from me is an accident i had thursday evening. i came home from work at 8. the office was on at 9. so i got started cooking some pasta because i hadn't had dinner yet and was SO HUNGRY. and while i was cooking, i decided to wash some of our dishes that were starting to pile up. by 8:30 we were on our way to the emergency. an awful thing took place. something that i had HEARD about happening, but had never happened to me. it had all happened before i even had time to compute what had taken place. my hand was gushing blood, all over the dirty dishes in the sink. a glass broke with my hand inside it, and i sliced open my knuckle on my first finger of my right hand. brutal. i yelled or screamed or something, and tyler came running into the kitchen... in an unfunctioning panic as is typical when i get hurt. i told him to get me something to cover it with, and he ran upstairs looking for some kind of cloth, and came down to the kitchen, soaked it... meantime i grabbed a clean dish cloth out of the drawer across from the sink. is it normal to put a WET cloth on a cut gushing blood? i thought that was weird...

we rushed to the hospital. luckily once we filled out all the stuff, they took us right in. i was light headed, and crying. when tyler broke my nose... i didn't cry the whole time... my eyes watered because it was my nose... but... i didn't cry. this time i cried a lot. it hurt so bad. and i was terrified. the nurse at the desk when we were getting checked in or whatever was not very nice. she asked me when my last tetanus shot was. i told her i had never had one, and she looked at me like i was retarded. she said "you would have had one in high school in grade 9." and i said "no, i didn't." and she said, "you didn't go to school?" and i said "no, my mom just didn't want me to get shots." she said, "well how do you feel about shots now?" in a mean voice, implying i was an idiot. once we were taken back to a bed, a male nurse came over and cleaned my hand, which stung like NO ONE'S BUSINESS. it felt awful. and i knew that would happen and that it would kill. i cried more. he was really nice though. he gave me shots to freeze my hand. those hurt really bad too. i was crying the entire time. it was like the shots they gave me at the dentist when i had to get a tooth pulled once, but way worse. i guess it makes sense considering how senstive hands are. they are so boney and so many nerve endings.

after that we waited... it was all set up for me to get my stitches... but i guess a girl had come into trauma and all of a sudden, the doctor was nowhere to be seen, and the nurses who were actually doing things for patients were all gone. just the paperwork nurses. we waited for 2 and a half hours. from what i overheard, i know a girl died, and i think it was from a drug overdose. tyler talked to a nurse and told her how long we had been there, and asked when someone would come give me my stitches (even though i told him to just chill out and wait) and she had kind of a snarky response saying well, someone is dying, and considering what is going on you haven't really been waiting very long. he learned his lesson. but tyler gets very protective when i am hurt and mad when no one does anything. i was patient. that is, until i had to pee so bad i couldn't possibly hold it any longer. my hand was sitting on a piece of that absorbent stuff with some gauze and whatever... but basically sitting in a puddle of my own blood. tyler managed to flag down a nurse who was very nice and cleaned me off a bit so i could go pee without leaving bloody handprints on things. it was one of those pees that feels SO GOOD because your bladder was soooo full.

i went back, and continued to wait. at about 11:30 finally the commotion in trauma was over, and the doctor came back. i told him i was scared that the freezing would have worn off some and i would feel it. it was supposed to be frozen for 8 hours. sure enough, when he started doing whatever he was doing (i couldn't look at my hand without getting woozy feeling) i felt sharp pains, which he told me i shouldn't feel. so i had to get shots to freeze it again. he told me just by quickly looking at it he was pretty sure i had knicked my tendon. he said he would have to put me in a splint and i would have to come back the next morning to follow up with plastic surgery. PLASTIC SURGERY?! was what ran through my mind. all from a fated dish washing experience. haha. when he returned about 20 minutes later and more thoroughly checked out my mobility of my finger, he said he would stitch my tendon, one or 2 stitches, but i had really good mobility and wouldn't need the splint or a follow up. i was so relieved. he told me there are two tendons in the finger, one that is the main one that you see when you flex your finger, and another one that goes diagonally. i knicked the smaller diagonal one - so... i was really lucky, basically. he stitched it all up, the whole time without me looking. i wouldn't even let tyler take a picture at any point because i didn't want to see it. he told me i had to get a tetanus shot, and he was going to prescribe antibiotics.

then two nurses came over and discussed how they were going to wrap it up for what felt like forever (was probably actually about 15 minutes - still far too long to discuss dressing a wound). they did a really awful job of cleaning it, and wrapped it up and gave me the shot (which bruise my arm and made it sore to move... agh) and gave me the first dose of the antibiotics and we were sent on our way.

i still hadn't eaten dinner and my stomach had been grumbling and eat itself for almost the entire time we were at the hospital. it was now midnight. we went to denny's and i had pancakes and hashbrowns and eggs. and tyler had some other kind of gross denny's food. by 12:30 we were at home in bed (poor tyler had to get up at 6:30 and go to work later that morning).

by 7:30 ish the next morning i was awake and unable to fall back asleep. the freezing had worn off, and my poor hand was SO SORE. i couldn't shower for 2 days, it is REALLY hard to style ones hair without the full use of your second hand (and all the pain too...). it was just a not very good day.

as of this morning... it doesn't hurt so bad, but i still think it looks so gross. the doctor had said there was a chance that the skin flap over the cut would turn black and fall off... in which case i'll have to get a skin graph (GROSS!). that idea really freaks me out. as of right now... the skin flap is dark coloured... but tyler says it is the blood clotting underneath. i hope that he's right, but am scared he isn't.

in better news, i made friends with the girl who moved in next door. we have a ton of mutual friends, and had been introduced before but never talked other than that (which was several years ago). her name is jordi. i really like her. and it's so nice to have someone right next door to hang out with. it's almost like having a roommate, but you don't have to share living space or mess or dishes! she has a baby, oliver, who is really cute. and super chill. he just hangs out and is quiet most of the time. her boyfriend, who also lives with her but i haven't met, works up north and isn't there a lot of the time... so... i keep her company and she keeps me company. she is going to help me cut out all my patterns and work on the invitations.

... more on the status of other things later... i'm at work, and time to get back to work!

PICTURES!!!

now i know what you're all thinking - birthday post. but this isn't really one of those. sorry. haha. i'm sure you're all so disappointed that you don't even want to read this one - but i do have something that might be interesting - PICTURES!! who doesn't like pictures? some of these are old... not that old though. i haven't really posted many pictures in the last year, so i thought perhaps now was the time... plus, i will share my fantastic birthday present with you!!

now this one was at grandma b's memorial. tyler and i make appropriate faces at all times, believe me.


this one was later that night in vancouver, when we went to karaoke with megan and tyler's friend colby. it was a good time. again - i make awesome faces.


this is when madelaine, caleb, and gabriel came to stay at my mom's and they did dress up at o'keefe ranch. i know you have already seen my mom's pictures... but... this is my favourite of the ones that i took.


and this was thanksgiving weekend when we were house sitting the pets. rhiannon's kitten is so cute. we took a lot of pictures of her.



this was while camping this summer with brady and suzanne. tyler really likes to take pictures of himself that he hates afterwards and gets mad that i put up anywhere... but... i'm doing it anyway. haha.


this is my latest beautiful addition to my artwork permanently inked on me. its sort of starting to scab right now... but... it still looks beautiful. it is thanks to my wonderful friend jessy.

and this, ladies and gents, is the best birthday gift i think i have ever received (well... i can't remember everything i have ever gotten for my birthday, but it's pretty amazing). i'm so happy that i own this. and i still can't believe it. i came home from vancouver to be surprised with THIS from tyler. my mom and dean and kaetlyn and andrew and tyler's parents all pitched in. it's a fender. it has a built in tuner. it has a pick up. and it is light blue and so classic rockabilly looking. i'm in love with it. i learned how to play 4 chords (i'm trying to play jenny lewis - acid tongue... i got all the chords down, i just have to practice so i can transition fast enough!).

i'll write about my whole birthday weekend and fabric shopping next time...

tyler is watching the canucks game.

i am sooooo busy. i hardly even have time to write this right now!! just kidding... i do have time.

i have so many things happening coming up that i FEEL like i should be busy right this second - but i'm really not. it's like.. i am anticipating the busy-ness and just want to get it over with. like, 'LETS JUST DO THIS RIGHT NOW!' but i can't... because the busy things haven't started yet.

i have to work at 5:45 tomorrow morning (operating the morning show). and then i get ALL DAY off.. which will be lovely. although i would like to go to the gym tomorrow. and i have to take the truck to get an oil change at 2:30. which means i will have to drive to wherever tyler is working tomorrow and trade him vehicles. i will also need to pack for friday morning. i work tomorrow evening.

FIRST THING friday morning i will be leaving for vancouver for fabric speed shopping. attention vancouver relatives (coughlauracough) - any interest in going fabric shopping with me friday or saturday? my friend kelsey supplied me with a list of fabric stores in vancouver with addresses, and her favourite ones highlighted. jasmine AND tamara will be joining me friday, and tamara says she will be joining saturday as well. but i don't really know my way around vancouver very well, and i will need to do this as efficiently as possible.

let me know.

annnnd... i skipped dinner and just baked an apple pie that was in my freezer. it was tasty. and NO, i didn't eat the whole thing. there is lots of pie left. i need to grocery shop. and starting on the 17th of this month... we have to pay the insurance on tyler's truck. and that sucks. it's a lot.

MY BIRTHDAY IS ON MONDAY - just in case anyone forgot.

work work work...

today has had some definite ups and downs.

i spent my morning online shopping for wedding stuff that i had decided on and just hadn't purchased yet (patterns, supplies for making our invitations, etc). it was really exciting. it got me all pumped up for the whole thing... i found someone who would sell me 400 peacock feathers for $73 with shipping! so excited for those to arrive and to make things for the wedding with them. and now i am having all these ideas and i can picture things too. buying things online is the best - i get so excited when i am expecting things in the mail. the wait just kills me, but when i get to rip open the envelope and finally HAVE what i saw pictures of... the best. haha. i could probably develop an online shopping problem if it was possible. luckily i don't have a credit card.

i hung out with andrew today, and we had a good day. he got his L yesterday, so i let him drive us around. i made him come shopping around for tires with me (okay, we only went to two places...). i decided what i was going to do about tires and made the appointment. it bummed me out a little because i was still spending $500. but i instantly felt stress lifted off my shoulders (my current front tires are BALD... it's so sketchy). after that we got something to eat, and went to hang around the mall for a bit. and we got gas. and then we went to the paint store and picked out paint chips for colours to consider for my bridesmaids dresses. he helped me pick the colours that went best together. i still need to cut them all apart so i can decide which shades i want to use with the teals and purples. i am excited for that. i need to SEE it all together so i can make all the necessary decisions.

i arranged for my mom to pick up the car when it was done, dropped her and rhiannon off at dance class, picked up my bike, dropped the car off, and biked to work.

the big DOWN came when the guy from the tire place called me to let me know there was a problem. he had said that if there was a problem with the front end they wouldn't be able to do the wheel alignment today. apparently our steering cage or something is loose and they can't tighten it - keep in mind we spent like $1600 or something fixing our front end earlier this year. the guy told me that all together to do everything would be $850. i wanted to puke. they just put the tires on today and he is giving me the quote on the receipt. i have to get it done or my one front tire will just wear right out again.

so... so far that is my day. i just want to sell that damn car. i hate it. i never even wanted it in the first place. but i have become so accustomed to having a vehicle that it will really suck to go back to NOT having one. not to mention... we're going into winter. and it is supposed to be an especially cold winter this year with lots of snow. not exactly the best season to be carless in. we'll save a lot of money... that's for sure. i want a brand new volkswagen. a city golf! i love them. and they're so reasonable for a brand new vehicle. under 20,000. i wish i could afford to get one. but... i'm stuck being strapped for cash perpetually for the next year at least... is it bad that i would rather skip having a big wedding and buy a car?

i'm just getting more and more stressed out, and my stomach is starting to feel really gross because of it and part of me kind of wants to cry... but i must focus on the good things that happened today and stay calm... at least till i get home from work. then i can go home and do the dishes that tyler pointed out i neglected while i was "sitting around buying shit" this morning.

why can't a day just be all good?

daisy.

TYLER FIXED THE COMPUTER!!!!!

this is very exciting. although i only just discovered it... it has probably been fixed for a while now. hah. thanks tyler.

i have a whole bunch of pictures to share! but... i don't have the time right now. i will say, the name of this post is a song by a wonderful lady we checked out about two weeks ago - christina martin. she's really good. from nova scotia! she told these really awesome stories about all her songs - as a result tyler felt it a necessity to buy BOTH of her cd's. haha. but i don't regret it. they are awesome cd's.



check out her video!! this is from her first album - still awesome.

and now for the pictures i will share right now... this is me at the roller derby bout (trystan and i were the best mc's ever, of course). my friend did my hair (she just started hair school and is really into killer rockabilly hair do's).



i don't have time to play with the first one to turn it... because i don't remember how. hah. that's how long it has been since i posted pictures!!!!

my hair is getting long... its weird....

anyway, that's all for now. i will post some more later because i can do it at my leisure at home - WOO!!!!

respect.

i love when i get to play what we call around here 'kiss classics' - like aretha franklin's respect. awesome song. i probably wouldn't choose to play it right now if i was at home and playing my own music, but i like it a heck of a lot better than adam lambert or something else awful like that.

last week and this week have been tough. lots of work, and other busyness. last week i worked afternoons all week, but i managed to fill each evening with things. this week i didn't work at the radio station until tonight, but i worked the last 3 days and today washing windows. big days. busy days. tiring days. not to mention i need to prepare myself to mc on saturday for the osrda double header (which i am very excited about, and hoping i can be better than the last time i was asked to mc something - yikes!).

i am VERY excited for tomorrow. tomorrow i don't work during the day at all. nothing until 4 pm. it will be really nice to get up at my leisure and sit around in my pyjamas for a while. there is NO way that i am getting up to make tyler's lunch and see him off tomorrow morning. my body feels like it is going to fall apart i am so tired and sore and just... done.

i have to admit, i probably wouldn't have made it through this past week without tyler and my mom's help. my mom has done LOTS of dishes (mind you, she did them when she was over to use our computer to book window washing jobs because their computer broke), and tyler cleaned the whole house including the bathroom and bathtub, and he did laundry and vacuumed. it was a relief to be working so much but not be worrying about the state that my home is in. it means that i don't feel guilty when i sit down for 15 mins before running out the door again, instead of tidying something.

tomorrow night i work, and then brodie is coming over to finish our little project for the roller derby girls - we've been making trading cards. they're pretty cool!!! we just have to print them. we want to get a couple done to have for sale at the bout on saturday. i am VERY excited - i have arranged for a friend of mine to give me a sweet rockabilly hair do. she just started hair school, and this is her area of expertise. it should look wicked. i get to be cherie fury for the night! and trystan, who will be my co mc, will be known as wyatt slurp. hahaha. i think it will be a lot of fun.

and... my brain feels fried. i'm having troubles just typing this... agh. so tired. i can't wait to fall into my bed after work tonight... wish me luck for saturday!!

i feel like this morning could be a good time to write about some things that i have been thinking about for a while now. things that have been bothering me, actually.

when i was about 12 i started to sing. i guess i had always been singing... but... when i was 11 or 12 i sort of discovered i was perhaps good at it. dean helped me with this, learning songs i could sing and spending hours in the evenings with me, playing guitar so i could sing. i even got to go to jam night at a local place and get up on stage and take my turn singing the songs that dean and i had learned together. i would get to skip the first half of school the next day because my mom said that my musical education was as important as my academic education. i loved going.

all through high school my plan was to be the singer in a band and to pursue music as a career. it was what i loved, and i had few doubts that it would take me places and i would achieve something. i wanted to make something of myself. i guess, i wanted to be a big deal. and i believed i would be.

since then i guess i have had a few things that i fell in love with and wanted to chase after. and i did chase after a few things. when i was 19, i moved to montreal. i was enrolled at lasalle college for fashion design and very very excited about it. i moved with my then boyfriend, which was my big mistake. while in montreal i met some awesome people, both through school, and a few through the music scene there too. i really wanted to pursue music while i was there too. it was a world of opportunities for me. i loved the city. but my personal life fell apart. and it felt impossible to stay and try to make things happen. and so i came home, before feeling like i had managed to accomplish anything. i felt like a big failure. i felt like i blew my one big chance to make something happen for myself.

since then i have moved to vancouver, which was a mostly a miserable experience, and calgary, where i met some fantastic people. and i have ended up BACK where i started. i have basically completely let go of my dreams with music. i almost never sing, especially not in public. i can't play an instrument and that really limits me. i don't really sew anything ever. which scares me because i have taken on the task of sewing all the dresses for my bridesmaids... i feel like i am just settling into a normal, boring, average life. sometimes i have an overwhelming feeling of disappointment with myself because i thought that i could really be something great. so what am i doing in this small town doing nothing? i work at a little local radio station, playing music i really don't like.

i guess it is natural for your dreams and plans for the future to change, but i just feel like i lost mine. i feel like i don't have any anymore because i just crashed and burned so hard.

i have always just wanted to be the best at something, and i'm sure everyone feels that way. i know i am good at things, but there is always someone better. i want to be the best. at just one thing. anything. i feel like i am always just mediocre at things. or awful. but everyone is awful at something. i've never come in first. never had the highest mark. never been the fastest. never been a big deal.

and maybe now i can stop thinking about all this and dwelling on my failures.

updates of mayhem.

right in the middle of my hell week. i'm truckin through it... hopefully i'll make it. i am also on day 3 in a row of the gym in the morning. so far that is going quite well. i committed to going in the morning around 7 every day. this morning i went a bit late... (like almost 9) but i had time to do that. haha. so i reasoned it was okay!! tomorrow will be the tough one to do. i have to go between 6:30 and 7 to have enough time. after that, come home and shower quickly and get ready for the PARADE! so excited. i am in the parade with the roller derby team. erin and i are going together. she is going to put my outdoor wheels on my skates (yes, i still haven't done that - i have had them for almost 2 weeks! i'm a slacker... or just really busy). i just hope i don't eat it and make a fool of myself in front of everyone watching the parade. that would be REALLY embarrassing.

i have done 3 of 5 shifts for the ipe. it isn't so bad. i'm always late because rob is always late bringing me the vehicle... out of my control. but other than that, it hasn't been too bad. the first day was a little catastrophic, and i was 40 minutes late getting out there because literally EVERYTHING went wrong on my way out there - like down to the vehicle being out of gas, and me having to use my own money to fill it up (i got reimbursed). i work the night shift tomorrow, after all the parade excitement. and then just a 3 hour stint on sunday (directly after my sunday morning shift) and then the ipe is over. i don't even actually get a chance to go out there and just hang out and check it out. kind of bummed about that. but what can ya do? nothing.

everyone around the office kept talking about how excited they were for the long weekend, and all wished me a happy long weekend as they left... but... long weekend just means that i do two very early mornings back to back. not really relaxing for me. i'm the one who gets stuck with the shifts while you are all at home kicking back and having a good time! sheesh. don't rub it in...

tyler and i have decided that we are going to have a date night once a week where we will take turns planning something for the other person. i think it will be good for us to do that. especially with our strict budgeting, we hardly ever go out and do anything fun... and it takes a toll. sometimes i feel like the only time we spend together is in front of the tv. we don't do anything together other than watch shows and movies. it gets a bit boring sometimes. so tonight i planned our activity... we're going on a bike ride to one of my favourite spots to sit and hang out. should be nice... and calming, after the week i have had. my legs hurt a bit from 3 days in a row at the gym... but... i shall suck it up. it isn't too tough of a bike ride anyway. i'm really excited to do this. tyler is excited about it too, which is nice to see.

annnnd... i have to make my cd for the derby parade music tonight. i am a little nervous about it. i hope no one hates it. i hope my idea of what music goes with derby is what other people think too. i'm the music expert... this should be no problem... right?

post #96.

almost at 100. kind of exciting...?? maybe? haha. perhaps not. i am too far behind everyone else. perhaps if i were to write two or three entries every day i would catch up. although, at the rate some of you have been writing lately... maybe i will eventually catch up.

i am SO tired.

i just got a very exciting picture message from home though... a picture of the dirty dishes in my kitchen. and guess what, it is half the amount it was when i left the house. thanks tyler! haha. you're the best. i am working a lovely 7 days this week, plus going to derby on wednesday. and i am REALLY going to put an effort in to make it to the gym wednesday, thursday, friday, and saturday. my schedule should allow. i also REALLY need to fold some laundry. the clean laundry is just exploding from the clean laundry basket that is kind of in our closet. it is everywhere, really. screaming at me to be folded every time i go digging through it for something to wear. and i feel so guilty grabbing what i need and neglecting the rest for lack of time to put it all away. not to mention... the dirty laundry basket is in a bit of a situation of its own. agh... things are getting away from me.

why is it things get so out of control all of a sudden. there is no in between manageable state. it's just... completely clean, or completely out of control. where is the happy medium? and everything always explodes the moment i start a 7 day work week too. and it isn't even like... go to work for 8 hours, and then done. i am working day and night every day but tomorrow. but i KNOW i am going to be too tired to do anything tomorrow. tomorrow will be day 2 of window washing, which my body and mind is already tired from today. and then wednesday is reporting from the fair and derby. thursday is fair, and then hurry back to the station for my evening shift. friday is the same as thursday. saturday is parade in the morning with the derby girls, and then fair. and sunday, i am just lucky enough to work my normal dreaded morning shift, following by rushing out to the fair for some more reporting. monday is the holiday - not for me! that means i work the morning shift, literally sprinting from the control room to the news room and back again all morning putting together news casts and doing the regular on air breaks - please note, that shift has 3 PEOPLE working it during the regular weekdays. next tuesday is the light at the end of the tunnel. i am HANGING on till next tuesday.

i will make it through this week. i MUST make it through this week.

i have been thinking about a lot of things... but i feel like, after writing all that, i can't get started on anything else. other things will have to wait for another time when you aren't already thinking about my horrid work schedule. other things deserve a moment of pondering all their own.

until then...

the suburbs.

that's the name of the latest album from the arcade fire. i really like it. i haven't listened to it much this month.

i don't know that i have much to write about right now, but i feel like i should write anyway because i can't do it at home later.

i washed windows today with dean. it was this ridiculously huge house on the top of this really big hill. i WILL say this for it - it had a beautiful (possibly the best i have seen) view. but this house... first of all, was RIDICULOUSLY huge. like a grand royal estate, basically. it has been in construction for 3 years. and some IDIOTS left the plastic coating on the windows 3 years ago when they installed them. so... these poor windows have been baking in the sun, and the plastic is just cooked to them. dean and i were tasked with getting the plastic off. it was quite the job.

i started to think. looking around up there, seeing all these HUGE houses. there was one just down the hill that had a yard so big... it was more like the size of a soccer field. just open grass (no trees or anything, unfortunately). all these houses are massive alone, and most of them are accompanied by either detached massive garages or guest homes... or both. why does anyone need to live like that? how is it OKAY that people live like that, while just a 5 minute drive down the hill the rest of us live in moderately sized home, which we may or may not be able to afford? the house we were washing... the people who own it live in europe and stay there 6 weeks out of the year. 6 WEEKS! i can't even hope to afford a much smaller much less nice home to live in year round. i don't think that people should be allowed to live in such excessiveness. i think once you have made enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life, you should have to donate the rest to organizations or charities. can you imagine how much better the world would be if this was how the world worked? if people shared, instead of being so greedy.

i feel like the rich just keep getting richer, and the cost of housing just keeps getting higher and higher. how am i EVER supposed to afford a home? a home is such a simple thing. a place to inhabit. a place to grow your family and your life. such a simple necessity. and at such a high, ridiculous cost.

it's frustrating.

and i guess... i did have something to say.

shoes!

just saw these.

and wanted to share. i think those could make good wedding shoes. yah??

i got asked to do an exciting thing today. i am very excited about it. i was asked to mc the fundraiser bout in september (roller derby). apparently this also includes doing the music (!!!!), which is probably the best part. i was told i would definitely need an assistant to operate the music, because you can't do it from the floor at the hassen arena. so i asked tyler if he would do that. i also asked trystan if he would help me out with the mc'ing, so i think we are going to do it together. we're going to get fantastic outfits and be the best at it. haha.

i don't know if i mentioned... i love my hair cut. my bangs are awesome. longer than i had originally planned on wanting them... but... i just need to be on top of maintaining them, i think, and they will be awesome. i can't do the rolled up look with them this short, but i might like them this way better? not sure. we'll see. the rest of my hair feels SO MUCH BETTER with the ends trimmed. it was pretty yucky. and erin didn't texturize it very much, but so far it is working for me fabulously. although, i haven't actually styled it down yet. i think i am going to try that tomorrow... i will give you a report on how that goes.

i get to go to the water slides again tomorrow!!!! my friend shelly bought a card with like 50 hours before the slide season opened, and so she has been taking people (because 50 hours is really hard to use yourself...). its really really nice because you don't feel the pressure of needing to stay the ENTIRE day because you paid $20 to be in there. you just go for as long as you can/want and have a good time. i love the water slides.

bethany joined my mom and i in our cooking extravaganza today. in fact, my mom went canvassing this morning and bethany, owen, rhiannon and i did all the shopping for it. we did a farmer's market run, and also went to nature's fare, simply delicious, and safeway (and i had to run out to super store later on - if you don't buy your spices there, you should. so cheap and so awesome!!). upon arriving we were on a mission for the woman with the beesting cake. it's my favourite. its like a spongy cake on the bottom, with custard in the middle, and shaved almonds on top with probably a honey glaze? so delicious. she wasn't there though... it was a bit of a bummer. we had to do about 4 laps of the market before i managed to finally get all the things on our list (except onions). bethany and i got breakfast egg muffins at the fare to try and make up for the lack of beesting cake. the egg muffins at the fare have chipotle salsa on them - they're pretty awesome.

today's menu included marrakesh stew, home made twix, pesto, and a squash soup that we didn't finish... that is to be finished tomorrow. bethany realized she screwed up the caramel for the twix, so they didn't really harden the way they were supposed to. but we put them in the freezer and will eat them frozen. they still taste DELICIOUS. i had the stew for dinner... and am on the fence with it. we left out the spicy... and i think it is just lacking something? and it has eggplant in it... and i really don't like eggplant. i gave it a shot... and i just don't like it. its kinda... weird. pretty colour on the outside though. haha.

i think that's it for now... be back on thursday i suppose.

hold on my heart.

i'm at work... surprise surprise...

tyler and i went to kelowna yesterday, to michael's to be more exact. we didn't make any other stops on our trip to kelowna. it was strictly a craft supplies trip for making wedding invitations. we found an AWESOME peacock feather stamp. got some paper. some letter stamps. and a few other random things.

we brought all our loot back home, and promptly started experimenting with designs. between the two of us, i THINK we have a design that we both like. a winner, one would say. it will include buttons, which i am quite excited about. so now we just have to finalize some times, some menu items, and get some faux photo booth strips printed and we can send them all out!!! i think it is fair to say you can all expect the wording on your invitation to be a bit odd, as i do believe tyler wants some say in that. i'm really excited about putting them all together. we are going to have a craft party - you're all invited, should you choose you would like to attend.

other than that... still need to make it to vancouver for a fabric trip. i have finally nailed down the dress patterns i am going to use for the bridesmaids. next is MAKING the dresses. haha. coommmmeee oonnnnnnnnn eryn. lets get a move on. we'll do suzanne's first, because my mom and i thought that would be easiest considering she is right here in town. i hope nothing backfires with those. obviously, i have to make 2 of them WELL in advance because of time. dear bridesmaids, PLEASE do not gain or lose a significant amount of weight. THANK YOU.

other than that... pretty typical sunday morning around the radio station. after work, however, i am taking rhiannon to gardom lake to pick up her KITTEN! which i am very excited for. my mom has come down with bethany's flu and couldn't take her. she was supposed to go yesterday and was apparently very bummed out about not being able to go when planned. so i said i could take her today. should be fun. i am so curious to see this little kitten. i love kittens. i want one. tyler is always going on with this nonsense about not being able to have 3 cats in a little condo... pfffffft.

he's right. i know.

i think that's all i have for right now. i think some sewing needs to be done this week. like... a flower girl trial dress MADE would be nice. so i am going to work on that... hopefully.

if i could turn back time.

currently rockin' out to some cher at work. haha. it sucks. oh well.

i watched a total of 3 movies today. crazy heart. nick and norah's infinite playlist (which i had been wanting to see, but everyone watched it without me so i just never got a chance...). and whip it! (my i'm-bummed-out-and-need-to-be-cheered-up movie). i also watched the first two episodes of the tudors. needless to say... i didn't leave the house until i had to go to work. i also flat ironed my hair today, which i almost never do these days. all the ladies in the office were convinced that my hair was WAY longer than they remembered. haha.

i discovered the photos from vernon on laura's photo blog and had some good chuckles. the jumping photos of jasmine and i are EPIC! and my favourite. haha. there are a bunch of good ones. tyler won't stop talking about how funny jodi looks in the front of the family shots. he said he wants to just blow up jodi in that picture and put it on the wall. he's being ridiculous. he thinks jodi is a funny looking dog. i didn't even think she looked funny looking at all?

i'm getting my hair cut tomorrow! i am VERY excited about it. erin is going to do it. i had wanted to get tyler's sister to do it... but... she is very busy, and i am very impatient. haha. and SO frustrated with my hair. my bangs are awfullllll... and driving me crazy. so drastic things need to be done. i decided i want to go with SHORT bettie page bangs. so... the blunt bangs, that curve upwards on the sides. i will try and do photos after i get it cut? i also just desperately need a trim on the rest. and i want less choppy layers. i want to go for a more classic pin up look as my hair gets longer. right now, the way it is all choppy, it is really hard to even curl because all the ends are all over the place... i guess mostly it just hasn't been cut in about a century and needs some attention. i also have this short blonde piece at the end in the side/back. i want it gone. haha. it looks so weird. the joys of being a hair model and not caring enough to colour your hair again after that.

tyler and i are going for a bike ride tonight. i am pretty excited for it. i haven't ridden my bike in what feels like forever. because it basically is. tyler has gotten all these new things for his bike... he pretty much HAS to ride it all the time now to justify it. haha. he got BRIGHT orange handlebar tape. cool new pedals. and a bright red seat. i have purple handlebar tape which i still haven't wrapped. oh well. i was going to do it today... but tyler took the electrical tape to work, and we didn't have anymore at home. so it didn't get done... for yet another day... oh well.

i should probably get back to focusing on my show.... oops! perhaps i shall write again on sunday. or try and work it out with the computer at home - it drives me insane! seriously. hate it.

phew... i just caught up on my blog reading! i still have some comments i need to make... but... time to write one myself, just so i don't leave work tonight and forget to do it.

things have been pretty busy around here. i really wish that the computer at home would let me blog - i have pictures from when madelaine, caleb, and gabriel were visiting that i would like to share. also, pictures from my camping trip last weekend. which was fun. although we couldn't have a campfire, there was a meteor shower. so tyler and i took our extra sleeping back and hiked up to the beach and watched the meteor shower for a while. talked about some things. it was nice to just take a moment and be just the two of us. i think i have gotten so used to it being just us, that when we spend prolonged periods of time with other people and don't have any of our space... it gets to be a bit much. it was nice to take those few moments and just chill out. tyler borrowed his parents kayaks and we paddled around the lake a bit - not very far, and none of us actually knew what we were doing in the kayaks. haha. but it was still fun.

i have been a bit bummed out lately. i feel like i have no friends. i don't do anything with anyone ever, and it is starting to bug me. my work schedule isn't convenient. but the people i have considered my closest friends have moved away, or just stopped trying. i feel like it has been months since i last talked to people. it depresses me. i have been trying to make an effort to hang out with new people and make new friends, but its so much harder. i don't know why. i have been trying to hang out with a girl from the fare for MONTHS now (like since before i quit, in december) and her and her boyfriend finally came over for dinner on tuesday. we had roasted veggie panini (so good!) and quinoa salad. and then we played settlers of catan. it was a really fun night. and it was cool for tyler to finally meet them and for us to all get together. i was glad.

but what is bugging me most... is that i have this group of friends that i consider very important and dear to me. my group of friends that i really cared about involving in my wedding in different ways so they were a part of that moment with me. and its like they have just all dropped off the planet (except jasmine, of course). one of which LIVES IN TOWN, and i can't remember the last time we hung out. perhaps the engagement party? which actually was months ago. granted, most of them live out of town. but hello... pick up the phone? maybe it is just too much for me to ask for this effort... but i would just like something, so i don't feel like i am on the bottom of everyone's priority list.

i guess i have been feeling this way about the wedding, in general. like... 'why do i have to invite this person again? they haven't even asked me to hang out in months.'

but that's just me complaining. sorry.

i'm really tired. and i don't think i have anything else to really write about. perhaps i will write again tomorrow... during my shift....

today was a pretty good day. i went to the beach (very briefly) with doug and delanie and their kids, plus andrew. i had to take off early to go to work. i came in to work early because patrick wanted to show me how the music is chosen. we programmed my sunday morning shift, or some of it before my evening shift started. it was pretty cool. i like choosing the songs that are going to play when i am on air. i think patrick wants me to learn so i can be the back up for music programming. also, he wants to change things a little for the easy listening sunday mornings, because the music that is being played currently on that show has some oddball songs that are NOT easy listening. he told me if i bring him some songs that are slow and canadian, we can test them out and add them for the sunday morning shift. i'm REALLY excited about all this.

not only did all that happen, but he also gave me some big compliments on my two interview features i played on the show tonight (food for thought, and marc the movie guru!). i was really proud of myself, because those are both things that were completely my ideas, and my responsibility. i think they work with the show. and i found two fantastic people to help me out with them. jayme, who some of you might be familiar with through her new food blog. and marc, who is a friend of mine from vancouver who is actually in school for broadcasting right now. he also went to vancouver film school for writing, and worked in a production office for a while. he knows movies!! i thought it would be a cool way to add something to my show, as well as give him a chance to be on air a little. patrick has also been telling me a lot lately that i am sounding really good, that i have nice phrasing and i don't talk too fast or too slow. it makes me feel really good about the extra effort i have been putting in lately. i have just been trying harder. and it shows, i guess! and then, just before he left, patrick told me that my bright blue shirt was a fantastic colour. hahaha.

i paired a bright blue tank top with silver sequined lightning bolts with these awesome feather earrings i ordered. they have long black feathers with little peacock feathers with blue and green shimmery-ness. they are beautiful. and look really cool with the tank top.

i guess all in all i feel really good right now. it's a good night. can't wait for my shift to be over... tyler and i are having the enchiladas that are in the freezer (mmmmmm!) when i get home. i am VERY excited for those.

my mom and i haven't cooked much this week (and i don't really have any food left at home... uh oh!). we were supposed to cook yesterday, but then i had to work for them because they had to do a job for a contractor. it was a BIG job with A LOT of scraping. it sucked. and what sucked worse, is that i twisted my knee at roller derby practice on wednesday night, so it wasn't feeling so good. my mom wrapped it with a tensor bandage, and i popped some advil and it was good for most of the day. at the end, it was throbbing pretty good. i iced it that night, and i took more advil... and it's pretty okay today. so that's good. i made a new friend at derby... and she told me to call her and we'll go skating. i'm REALLY excited about this. i need some help. work on my skills.

tyler is working tomorrow, because we're going camping next weekend, and this way he doesn't miss a day on his paycheque. i'm KIND OF bummed about it because saturday is usually our day to hang out together and do whatever. oh well. at least doug's family is visiting and i will have things to do and keep me busy (of course, i could always do the dishes and finish the laundry... but... that isn't fun). we're going to hang out with his friends tomorrow night, matt and kelsey, which should be fun. we haven't really hung out with them... they came to our engagement party, and my birthday party, and tyler and matt go to school together when they do their 6 weeks in class... i like them. for some reason, we just never hang out with them. they invited us over tomorrow night and i am kind of excited about it. i like hanging out with new people. doing something out of the norm.

and finally... the other thing i am excited about... MAD MEN IS BACK ON TV! season 4. so exciting. haha. i love all the glamourous fashion on that show. love love love love!!!!!

... time to focus on the last hour of my show. one more hour. one more hour... and then enchiladas!!

smokey smoke.

it isn't very nice in the okanagan right now. not only is it really smokey, the weather is bad. clouds. chance of showers. chance of thundershowers. YUCK! this isn't summer in the okanagan... well... the smoke is pretty normal. but i don't like it.

madelaine, caleb, and gabriel are visiting right now at my mom's. its fun. we went to o'keefe ranch yesterday. i hadn't been there in.. what feels like it could possibly have been a million years. haha. i love all the old furniture. and they have beautiful peacocks. i don't remember there being peacocks. and i also don't remember the sheep with 4 horns. its crazy looking! doug's kids are fun to be around. they are the cousins i know the best. although gabriel keeps telling me i look like a mom. and caleb says i am like a young aunt, and that the twins are like old cousins. haha.

we all went to the beach yesterday evening. packed tortelini pasta salad (pesto and fresh tomatoes... simplest thing, and so delicious). it was a nice way to end the day. the smoke cleared a little tiny bit. the earlier part of the day was a little bit cooler, i didn't really want to go to the beach then. that's why we did o'keefe, which is better to do when you get a cooler day. and then it warmed up. so after the ranch, we did the beach for dinner (makes sense, right?). rhiannon and madelaine came and slept over at my house after that. we didn't really get much of a chance to hang out though, because it was alright kinda late (and i had to get up at 5, as usual on sunday mornings - i also have to do it tomorrow). we got ice cream sandwiches, and watched a couple episodes of glee. i was tempted to watch a third (the lady gaga one is next... and that one is soooo funny), but i was super tired and went to bed.

also, the boys came home from their camping trip early. i WAS a little glad, because i missed tyler. and it was nice to have him home last night... although it was much cooler sleeping by myself, without the human heater.

i'm tired and REALLY wish i wasn't at work.

i took some pictures at o'keefe ranch yesterday. i'll see if i can manage to put them up somehow.

tainted love.

yep. that's right. i am playing BAD 80's music on the radio right now.

tyler is camping tonight and tomorrow night with andrew and dean. i think it is really cool that he is going on a camping trip with the boys in my family and making that effort without me there with him. i would be really happy to see him have a relationship with them aside from them being my brother and step dad. ya know? i will miss him though. we aren't apart very often. i haven't slept in the bed by myself since september. it will be weird. and also... i don't really hang out with anyone BUT tyler. i don't know what i am going to do tonight! i'm not into doing anything requiring a lot of energy. usually tyler and i would just watch some tv series or a movie or something... i suppose i could watch some movie that we have that he isn't interested in? i'll figure it out. perhaps work on darcy's baby quilt (that's right, still not finished) or read a book. i think movie and quilt will win. and then try and get a good night's sleep.

you wouldn't believe how hard it is to GET a camping spot if you haven't reserved it months in advance. my mom and i went out to ellison to find the boys a spot early this morning and get it all taken care of while they were at work... we got there no later than 8:30. there are like 20 ish spots that are first come first serve and cannot be reserved. we drove around for a while looking for one that said '30' on the little marker, meaning they might be packing up and heading home today. there were very few. and what a lot of people had done (which i hear you are NOT supposed to be able to do) is already arranged it with the people there, and the signs just said 'TAKEN'. total bummer. we found one, and my mom got out to go and ask the people if they were heading home today... and as soon as she got out of the car, another woman walked up and said they had been there since 7 and were waiting for the people to wake up. it was a double spot, and she said they needed both. we were kind of annoyed at that point. when we talked to the camp attendant, he said they don't get involved and it is first come first serve. we could see it getting very pushy and aggressive very quickly. so we decided to go out to the campground that tyler likes to go to - evely. it is just a forestry campground close to fintry. nice beach for swimming though.

we found them a spot right on the lake. and the park attendant was MUCH nicer and more helpful, and had a system to make sure that order was respected and first come first serve really happened. we set up the tent. and headed back home. my mom was CERTAIN dean would complain that they weren't at ellison. but when we told him the story, he thought it was better we got the spot we did. the only one with a complaint was andrew. oh well. he can suck it up. tyler says they are having a great time.

i have been feeling boring and gross looking again. sick of my clothes. sick of my hair. sick of my whole look. too lazy to wear make up. too lazy to wear anything other than jean shorts and various tank tops most of the time. nothing excites me about this. i talked to tyler's sister about getting a hair cut. she is going to try and fit me in next week i think, which would be GREAT. i told her i needed to definitely clean my hair up, and other than keeping some length... i was totally open to any suggestions on how to spice things up. i don't know what i want. i never know what i want. i like hairdressers who TELL me what i should do. usually i have fun hair cuts. it hasn't been cut in like a year though... aside from my bangs. which i actually cut myself the last time, and i didn't do the BEST job... but what can i say? i'm not a hairdresser. i used to just hack my own hair when i started feeling this blah feeling. at one point i had the best mirror situation, and i could see the whole back of my head. it worked out alright for a while... until we moved and i didn't have the great mirrors and totally botched it. i vowed to never cut my own hair again. i also went through a phase of cutting my friends hair. i thought for a little while about going to hair school... and for some reason totally dismissed the idea. i think i could be a great hairdresser.

my friend tamara is coming into town tomorrow evening. we're supposed to hang out. i don't really know if that will ACTUALLY happen or not. you never know with her. but it would be nice. considering i am sans tyler tomorrow night too. she said we could talk about some wedding decorations and plans together.

truthfully... i am feeling overwhelmed again and not sure AT ALL what to do. i am having such a hard time with the whole big picture stuff. and figuring out how exactly we are going to pay for everything. we have to rent bathrooms, because everyone using the bathrooms in my mom's house isn't realistic. tables. chairs. and all that stuff is expensive. mostly the portable bathrooms. what colours am i going to do the table cloths? napkins? what will i have for center pieces? is this all going to look good together? or will it look cluttered and tacky and not classy? I DON'T KNOW! and its stressing me out. i couldn't get the big picture for colours for dresses and stuff either, until i found a picture that had all three of the colours i wanted in one image... and then i knew what colours i wanted. even now, i doubt them and how they will look executed the way i will.

agh.

need to stop worrying probably. i'm sure it will be fine.

i keep thinking back to the first wedding pictures i fell in love with, when all of my online wedding lurking started. it was so simple. black white and red. almost nothing on the tables. small candles and some red flower petals. thats it. white chairs. black table clothes with a black on black stripe. perhaps black table clothes. white chairs. and just some small candles and peacock feathers in a vase on each table. yah? any thoughts? something you have seen or thing would look nice? i sort of have an idea of how we can build the tent and make it look really nice. i feel pretty good about that. and i think it will work to make it with clear plastic (vapor barrier). and i THINK i just want to have twinkly lights under the tent. maybe some white round chinese lanterns or whatever (you know what i mean?). what do you think about that? any ideas? simple?

... and i think that is just about where i'm at.

midnight madness!

midnight madness is when the waterslides are open until midnight. the theme this year is lady gaga (yuck) and it is happening tomorrow night. i want to go, despite the awful theme. we might have extra tickets at the radio station. which would be sweet.

not only am i on an ongoing search for the perfect shoes for the wedding, a pair of little gloves, but ALSO... a hair style. i also need a new 'do just in general. any suggestions anyone? something you think would look good on me? without cutting it all off... because i want to keep it longer. it has been a LOOOOONNNNGGGG time since my hair has been this long, and i feel like i need to do something with it that i haven't been able to do. ya know?

i got the first thing that i ordered on etsy. i was super excited. they are FANTASTIC feather earrings. although my mother so kindly told me they look weird with my still slightly stretched holes, i like them and they make me feel much better about my ear situation. they're really cool. i have gotten a few compliments on them already. i am excited to wear earrings again. i haven't been able to wear pretty and dangley earrings for years. about 6 years to be exact. and before that, i didn't anyway. they weren't cool. but they make me feel so much more feminine and pretty. just that little bit of something special.

i don't really have much to write about... tyler and i finished the 4th season of dexter. i was really mad about the end of it. so lame! i am really putting a push on to finish the baby quilt i have been working on since MAY. thats right. MAY. the baby was born the end of april. i suck. but i HAVE to finish it. so i will. very very very soon. i also a disgusting mountain of dishes in my kitchen to clean. they have been sitting there for a while now. we ran out of dish soap and i kept forgetting to pick it up. finally i got tyler to do it so i would stop forgetting... now just to find some time?

my mom and i have been making meals together, which is really nice. we pre did all the stuff for bombay roll ups and made white bean and tomato soup. i froze a bunch. it was really good!! i actually have a bit of a selection in my freezer, which is nice. we are making veggie burgers, saigon salad, banana bread, and something else tomorrow. its nice to have good homemade food done before hand so i can eat something that isn't awful for me (or super fattening). and my mom and i work really well together in the kitchen. we picked some raspberries this morning. two flats. one each. we're also supposed to make jam! i looooove raspberry jam. but not the store bought kind. too much sugar. gross. homemade is the way to go!!

anyway... i'm just random babbling now.

ps. i THINK i have a derby name that will be accepted. pretty stoked. i'll let you all know when it is accepted!

good finds!!

help me out here with some opinions! (sarah... looking for your input... and everyone else). stuff i have been stalking out for the wedding...

super cute gloves

pretty awesome shoes

and, although i know they won't match, i have to share these!

i like these too. but they also wouldn't match. agh.

these would match. but i wanted a colour that would pop...

and i think i am in love with these... oh wow.

... and thats all i have for now.

heatstroke.

yesterday there was a big party for the osrda, okanagan shuswap roller derby association. this included a 4 hour float down the river in enderby, followed by a bbq. i managed to convince tyler to come for the float down the river - neither of us had ever done it and i really really wanted to. it was a beautiful day... and once everyone got organized, we started floating! everyone tied together with rope to stay in a big group... but... a little ways in we were kind of all over the place. i have no idea how it happened. tyler and i were grouped with a couple of girls that i know, and a coach from edmonton who is here to help us with drills and stuff.

it ended up being 6 HOURS. and we were soooo ready for it to be over by about halfway. we got back to the house we were having the bbq at around 7:30, and then tyler and i had to wait for the truck with our stuff to come back there. luckily our towels were in tyler's truck at the house, so we had those. we are both burnt (tyler much more than me). last weekend i burned my front. this weekend it is my back. haha. and its only where i'm not already tanned from working with dean... so my lower back, and my thighs. i should be alright now though... for the rest of the summer. by the time we had all our stuff together... we went home. it was kind of a bummer because some of my favourite girls on the team, including erin, didn't come to the float so i didn't really get to hang out with them. tyler and i, as usual, felt a little bad leaving trystan there. i don't know if he really knows anyone. and it wasn't really his kind of scene. it wasn't really mine and tyler's kind of scene either...

shortly after we left, my headache set it. heatstroke. agh. i didn't drink enough water. we got home, i made myself have a shower (because i got swimmers itch last weekend... ew) and just went to bed after chugging some water and filling up my water bottle and putting it beside the bed. i didn't sleep that well. i felt really gross. when i woke up this morning (at 5:10 for work) i thought the headache had left me. boy was i wrong. as i settled in for my shift it hit really hard... i just kept drinking more and more and more water. it has mostly gone away now. i have finished 3 of my water bottles full of water. starting on my 4th.

i can't wait to go home and nap.

remember kids... wear sunscreen and drink lots of water. avoid being in the sun between 11 and 4 for too long. and don't go floating down the river for 6 hours. agh.

cherie currie.

the biography i ordered arrived monday morning. i was REALLY excited to get it. i have almost finished... that's right, i've had it for 3 days and i am almost done reading it. it has been a really easy read, and i am just sucked right in and so interested. i hate when i read books that i am really enjoying really fast - i get so bummed out when they are finished.

i've actually been feeling a little bummed out in general lately. i'm not working for my parents and i have A LOT more spare time on my hands. i need to be productive in a meaningful way. i have been feeling like i don't really do much that means much lately. my job can be really depressing for me sometimes. especially lately i have been on overdrive with my music finding, and not only the finding, but reading up on. i have been learning so much about groups, new and old, whole movements (riot grrl). i need an outlet for those things. i was talking to uncle doug about it... he said i should start a music blog. i think i might just poke around for a bit and check out some other music blogs and get some ideas before i think about tackling it. i also had it suggested to me to make some podcasts... but... i'm really unsure about copyright laws and if i can put music on a podcast of my own? i have a bunch of stuff on it... but it is such a big grey area!! none of it really makes sense to me... but a podcast would be cool. it would be like my own radio show... except... not on the radio. hah. maybe a couple people would listen to it??

i tried for so long to make blogger work on the computer at home, but it just won't. and tyler tried to deal with the issue, but it didn't do anything... so... just blogging at work i suppose.

wedding stuff hasn't even been happening lately, which freaks me out. there is so much to do. my mom and i planted some flowers, but... the sheep ate them! which is REALLY discouraging. like... i want to make things look nice, but... it feels so impossible. i guess i am generally discouraged about it. we tried having some work parties to get the yard worked on and asked our friends to help... 3 people showed up once to help us. and 1 the next time. thanks friends. truth is, we don't really have that many friends in vernon anymore. and most of our wedding party (save 2) don't live here. they're either in calgary or vancouver. and when they come to visit, they have family to visit and want to go to the beach... so... naturally, yardwork is last on their lists of things to do. i realize that my vision of the wedding might just be impossible, and that makes me pretty sad. there is just so much to do... and i can't do it all alone. wanting to make all the dresses is a lot of work. i'm starting to wonder, is it worth it? i want things a certain way... maybe i should just give in and say whatever and have things look normal and nice.

its a depressing thought. normal and nice.

i have been getting a bit better at the gym. or going, that is. i still don't necessarily know what i'm doing there. oh well. i feel good after i go. i feel accomplished.

i have been kinda bummed about having to take my plugs out of my ears. i feel normal and boring looking. i need earrings. i don't have any that aren't big. so i found some REALLY COOL feather earrings on etsy this morning that i got really excited about. i want to order them when tyler and his credit card are home later this evening, haha. i also found like 100 peacock feathers for pretty cheap on there. good to know where to find them (i have been looking around town for a while, finding nothing). those could come in handy for wedding decorating too.

if anyone wants to come and visit the okanagan - tyler and i have a spare room you can stay in. the catch is that you have to help us with some yard work! hahaha.... i'm sure there won't be any takers and a rush of excuses. whatever. had to put it out there, right??

cherry bomb.

i'm at work, so i'm not listening to that song, but if i was at home i would like to be listening to it. tyler and i wanted the movie 'the runaways' about joan jett's band in the 70's. i loved it. i mean there were big holes in the movie, as i found out later, but i completely enjoyed it. i was really interested in the group and what happened. the movie was based mostly on cherie currie's biography, and joan jett was involved in the making... so most of the movie was about them. i ordered the biography after watching it. pretty excited for it to arrive!! the movie comes out on video on the 17th. you should check it out!! i also acquired a bunch of the actual runaways albums after watching the movie. their biggest single was probably 'cherry bomb' and i love it. probably is your cup of tea... but i love it. i love girl bands.

last time i wrote i was VERY frustrated with things. they have gotten better since then. in fact, tyler cleaned the whole house in anticipation of my friend charlotte arriving on friday while i frantically drove all over the place gathering ingredients for my mom's birthday cake (i was VERY lucky to get some strawberries at the farmer's market!). haha. he didn't wash the dishes... but... he did the bathroom and vacuumed everything and made the house look presentable.... although it all needs to be done again now. agh. dear weekends, why do you make my house so messy?

yesterday was BEACH DAY! during which, each of us acquired a nice sun burn (in varying degrees...). my super white thighs are pretty red... thanks killer shorts tan. and my feet, from my cool shoe tan from washing windows. haha. oh well. it isn't AWFUL. just a little pink. but it was BEAUTIFUL at the beach yesterday. we went to one of my favourite spots, charlotte, tyler, and i, and literally hung out all day. we got there probably around 10, and didn't leave until after 4. we floated. and went swimming. and enjoyed a few snacks. brodie and dan joined us for the last couple of hours. we all joined up and floated in a pack in the middle of the lake. i haven't had enough beach time this year... that is only my second time out!! i'm going to have to make it happen more often... so to avoid the pinkness!

i have discovered a fantastic snack food to keep around, to avoid eating things totally unhealthy. trail mix! its delicious. and the nuts are totally good for me. protein! i picked up a big bag from the bulk food store, and added some dark chocolate covered cranberries. its delicious.

i haven't gone to roller derby in 2 weeks. i feel a bit guilty. i will be there FOR SURE on wednesday. but i have been going to the gym more regularly, which i am proud of myself for doing. i don't mind it really... its just a matter of finding time to go and not have to rush myself. because there isn't really much of a point if i am rushed and don't actually have time to work out, right?!

and charlotte leaves this morning. and life goes back to its hectic yet boring self tomorrow. back to the gym. clean the house. cook some meals. so on and so on.

it has been a rather crappy day. or rather, everything has just piled up and i feel like trudging along is just getting harder and harder.

last week was INSANE. it started with work monday evening at the station. and then i worked washing windows tuesday. followed by a trip to kelowna to see tyler's friend. wednesday was more window washing. followed by roller derby. by the time i get home from derby and shower, there isn't time for anything else. its bed time. and i usually just barely have enough time to eat dinner before derby, if i'm lucky. and it isn't a real, well prepared, delicious and nutritious dinner... its whatever i can grab that will fill me up before i go to roller derby dinner. thursday was more window washing. enough time to shower and again grab whatever i could find that was fast before i had to go to the station for work. friday was the same as thursday, except after work at the station i went skating for a bit. i found a pretty good spot to skate outside that is also close to my house. saturday i had a remote at the bell store. and then i told tyler that i wanted to go to the beach and i would go with or without him because that was what i really wanted to do. lucky for me, he agreed. and then sunday, i was up for work at 5:10 am and worked till 11 am. we went for breakfast when i got home, and then painted the chicken coop at my mom's. for the afternoon we just watched episodes of dexter because i didn't think i could move at that point. my body hurt after all the working and derbying i did all week.

so today it was back to work washing windows. and i am tired. and it was hot. really hot. and especially muggy. i had sweat dripping down the side of my face. i looked pretty gross altogether, actually.

i get home. shower. tyler comes home. he showers. i tell him he has to go out tonight and get a loaf of bread so that he can have a lunch tomorrow because we can't afford for him to buy a lunch again tomorrow. i haven't had time to go grocery shopping so he will have to just make do with peanut butter and jam. and whatever fruit is left in the fridge... i think there is an apple. and maybe a granola bar left. he complains, of course, about having to get a loaf of bread and says he will just starve tomorrow. which is annoying. i know he's "joking" but he is actually very upset with having to go get a loaf of bread. and then he discovers we need to find somewhere to buy cat litter from pronto (because we use wood pellets and the fare stopped selling them). which makes him more unhappy. he hates going out in the evening, and his argument is that he worked all day and he just wants to relax. well... i work all day too. and i work in the evening while he sits at home and plays world of warcraft.

i feel like i have to do everything or it won't get done. or it will be done the easy way with way too many corners cut. i haven't had a chance to do the dishes and clean the kitchen in a while. the laundry is piling up. we need groceries in a bad way. and i haven't been to the gym in like a week and a half. eating crap that is easy to grab and go, and not having time to go the gym because of my stupid working all the time schedule... its just making me gain more weight. and i feel disgusting. and i'm stressed out. and i can't get everything done. and i have to work enough this week to make enough money to drive down for grandma b's memorial. and i am supposed to be playing in a slow pitch tournament this week too which we don't have enough players for, i haven't had time to make my costume for (and i have to make tyler's too, of course), and when i am not there for the friday night game and the sunday play off part... we won't actually have enough girls.

i just want to sleep for a year and forget about everything that i am supposed to do right now. why can't someone else do it? don't i get any help?