je pense que je t'adore.

funny enough... this is a line from a glass tiger song. maybe some of you know that. i don't know.

i am eating a big bag of cherries at work. i didn't bring anything else to eat. so far this is not really helping. i think i am going to have to make tyler bring me some breakfast at work.

i am EXHAUSTED. i was in kelowna allllllllll day yesterday. tyler's friends colby and nelson were visiting us from vancouver. yesterday morning we all got up, squished into the truck, and left for kelowna by 7:30. i like to be at the station in kelowna at 8:30 ish. and it is on the far end of the city... so it actually takes a full hour to drive there. i worked till 5, while the three of them hung out (colby grew up in kelowna). i was a little jealous. they went to the beach. i worked. it sucked a little bit.

after i finished we hung around kelowna some more. ate some food. and then hung out in the park and people watched until it was time for redfish to play. bc day long weekend is center of gravity in kelowna - an awful festival. "bro's" and scantily clad bleached blonde haired girls with pounds of make up invade the city and get grossly intoxicated and then party to the sounds of various dj's. we saw lots of beer get dumped. lots and lots and lots of board shorts, and more midriff than i ever wanted to see in my life. i had NO IDEA it was considering socially acceptable to walk around downtown (NOT on the lake front) to walk around in just a bikini. like, really? gross.

we met up with sarah and adriel and bethany just as redfish got on the stage to start their set up. adriel was pretty excited to see uncle dean play. we also spotted layne, and all picked a spot on the grass centered pretty good in front of the stage. adriel and i went up close to the stage to take some pictures with my phone. hah, unfortunately the best place to take them from was right in front of the speakers... it was really loud. i joked to sarah about ruining her child's hearing. some cocky "bro's" while making their way from center of gravity walked through the middle of the stage while the band was playing. like... why is that necessary? or cool even? i don't get it? oh kelowna... why do you attract these people for the summers?

needless to say... it was a late night. and i grumbled as i got out of bed at 5:10 this morning, and fought to keep my eyes open. i'm still sooooo tiiiirrreedddd.

i have been stumbling upon all morning. what is that, you say? only the best thing i have discovered in a long time. check out stumbleupon.com. you can sign in with your facebook id. and then you just click the boxes on your interests... and you stumble your interests. it pulls up all kinds of websites that correspond with the interests you gave it. i have found scores of good recipes (most of them delicious looking desserts...)... i actually can't even begin to tell you about all the cool things i have found. just try it out! you won't be disappointed.

rolling in the deep.

today is a blah day. it is raining. and not very warm out. but i wore shorts anyway in hopes of it being nicer. no such luck.

also tyler and i are BROKE. which is a big bummer. and i am stressing about trying to save money. we have had to use some of what we had saved from this last paycheque to catch up on some bills post wedding and stuff. now we have another week until we get paid again. i am trying to come up with a way to make some more money... but really... how can i work any more than i already am?

its just really frustrating. we have to come up with a good deal more than we have before september. i know we can do it... its just hard. i need to make sure i can work as much as i am (or close to) right now in august as well. keep it steady. i think that might be hard. i know there will be some shifts for me here at the station. but i doubt it will be the entire month solid. and there is no vacation happening in august in kelowna. i think i am going to spend this evening making earrings so i can stop in blackbird sometime very soon. i haven't felt the inspiration to do that... probably because i got all tapped out on my crafting creativity from the wedding. but it is time to tap in again, i think.

i should try and make some veils like mine and sell them on etsy or something. haha. those things are going for like $300 on there! being the primary reason i didn't buy one...

i'm sure everything will work out and we'll go on our trip and it will be fine... i just stress out about things. that's what i do.

kiss on my list.

today is my mom's birthday! woo! i can't write on here about the great birthday gift idea that kaetlyn and i came up with... but i think it is a really good one.

tyler and i talked to the travel agent yesterday. it was very informative. we made some adjustments to our plans. we had originally planned to fly in to london (because alison said before you can usually get cheap flights there) and then take the chunnel over and go to paris and go from there... well... turns out it is way cheaper to fly in to amsterdam. well... from what we saw yesterday. amsterdam wasn't even really in our plans. but... it does look like a pretty cool place. so we're going to check it out. because... honestly... we'll go wherever we can get a cheap flight from! we realized we are going to be in germany for oktoberfest (tyler was pretty excited) and so added munich to our list of places to go and see. right now we have on our itinerary amsterdam, hamburg, berlin, munich, paris, nice, venice, some seaside towns in croatia, and then probably over to rome. and then we will probably catch a flight from rome back to amsterdam and fly home from there. turns out great britain would add A LOT to our cost, and... i feel like great britain is a whole other trip on its own. england, scotland, and ireland. there's a lot to see there...

i am REALLY excited about the trip, but i know money is going to be tight. we have to come up with enough to pay our rent here, insurance, truck payment, bills... all that good stuff. PLUS our food and accomodations for europe... and some fun money too. it is looking like i am going to keep working lots through august at the station here in vernon. and maybe maybe i can pick up some shifts in kelowna too. i don't know... but i will take whatever i can get! i need to go talk to the guy at the vintage/alternative jewelery store here in vernon - he had some interest in carrying some of my stuff.

i am wearing my piece that jasmine made to go with my veil for the wedding... and i have gotten so many compliments on it already. i think i will make some things like that too. anything i can make some money on this summer is worth a shot i think.

i have gone scissor happy on some of my old t-shirts. lots of them are band t-shirts i used to wear when i was like 19 or 20. most of them are men's smalls. the sleeves are always gigantic... but i used to wear them anyway. i wanted a tank top the other day, and i decided to cut a shirt... i LOVE it. so comfy. and it brought new life to the shirt that i otherwise never wore... so then i started digging through old stuff and found a couple more... now i have a whole collection of old t-shirts that i have given new life by cutting into tanks, and a whole bunch of new tanks for the summer! pretty impressed with myself, actually. i cut the sides really big, and i wear a bandeau under them. makes it even cooler. nice and airy.

... sadly i'm at work and i should, gasp, work.

home is a fire.

i'm at home today! this is the first track on the new death cab for cutie album. its awesome. i highly recommend it to all of you.

i went back to bootcamp for the first time since the wedding! it was soooooooo hot! wow. but i feel really good now. i'm really glad i went. i have been making excuses and putting it off for the last bit. i actually woke up late this morning, but i said... well if its at the multiplex i will get up and make myself go (the multiplex is only around the corner from here basically). and sure enough... it was at the multiplex. i did it! its amazing how hot it is at 8 am already... wow. the forcasted high for today is 32 though. so i guess it makes sense.

i still haven't showered. sometimes after bootcamp i come home, sit down in front of the computer and i can't make myself get up and do ANYTHING. i'm just so tired.

i got to go out on chelsea's boat last night. it wasn't until later in the evening... but it was still so nice out. we went swimming. it was a pontoon boat... so it was mostly for hanging out. i like that. speed boats go so fast, and everything blows everywhere... not so fun. apparently the pontoon boat uses way way way less gas too. but it doesn't really go fast enough to pull anything behind it in an exciting manner. oh well. it is perfect for hanging out and swimming off of. we had a great time. brodie and dan came too. but i have been feeling self conscious in a bathing suit lately... my eating habits since the wedding have been AWFUL... and i haven't been to bootcamp. so this week i have been trying to right all those things so i can wear my bathing suit with pride. i'll get back there. i was there for the wedding... i felt great that day.

i don't really have anything all that interesting to write about. so... i should probably go and shower and get ready for work.

ahead by a century.

i was talking to doug last night, and i realized something.

this summer has been really awesome for me. i have had so much fun hanging out with my cousins. getting to know them. but it is more than just that. i grew up without family like that. i didn't have cousins or aunts and uncles. it was lonely. especially when we moved around and i was homeschooled. i always envied my friends who had cousins that they were really close with and who they had spent their entire lives with. i didn't have that.

since reuniting with our extended family i have definitely felt like an outsider. i'm a lot older than all my cousins. most of them are so shy with me because i am so much older than them. and they don't know me. because i haven't been around. we don't live close. and i usually hang out with the adults anyway. but i don't really fit in with the adults either. i didn't grow up in the same household. i have sort of felt like i was in this weird limbo place. i have definitely made some effort to get to know people and be a part of something (this blog for one) and it has slowly changed and improved. but i never really felt like i fit in. or like i could completely be myself... because... well the whole religious thing is a big difference. or i worried it was, anyway.

this summer a lot of those worries and weird feelings have gone away. it is a really good feeling for me. the realization of how hard everyone worked and cared. and it was my day. the way everything happened... the whole production of my wedding and the parts that absolutely everyone played... i could just feel how much i was loved. it was my belief that a wedding is really about love. the love between two people. but i learned that it was so much more than that. it was the love shared by family and friends. it was amazing.

the party afterwards, i was honoured to be followed around by a group of my little girl cousins. all wanting a turn to dance with me, and when i agreed to dance with one, they would pull in all the other ones and it was a big circle. the way they looked at me and smiled at me. it was really cool. it was a very special feeling. all of my aunts and uncles who worked tirelessly for the days leading up to, and continuously on the day of. your love made my special day possible. it made all the magic happen. the magic of my wedding was love, and it came from everywhere. i couldn't help but smile from start to finish. i was riding the high of the most powerful energy i may have ever felt.

so... that is what my thank you is for. thank you for making me feel like a part of something. this summer has brought me to feel like i am really a part of this family. i do belong. even if there are differences... there is still a place for me. that is what i have wanted to feel.

the weeks following with caleb and zach visiting have been so much fun. we spent so many days hanging out the group of us. just laughing and having fun. everyone helping each other. zach or andrew helping rhiannon climb down steep cliffs and reassuring her she could do it and they would help (normally she would just get really upset and ruin it for everyone else). and rhiannon having fun and going along with what other people were into although i know it wasn't her favourite. i can't really explain what it has been like... but there are things that link all of us. we share common interests with each other. we have enjoyed each other's company. we all have the same sarcastic sense of humour. we tease each other. and then of course... the fact that everyone (aside from me... of course) has a similar look about them. its fun.

i am so glad to be a part of this family. and i enjoy every one of you. i look forward to getting the chance to spend more time with everybody and getting to know everyone and being a part of their lives. thanks for giving me that.

hollywood.

i'm working all week covering for vacation. and next week too. this week in vernon, and next week in kelowna. and of course the weekends are split between both stations. its busy busy for me.

the summer heat has finally arrived. the next two days are supposed to be 30+. i am KIND OF looking forward to it... but i know my house is going to get sooooo hot and uncomfortable. but when it is that hot... and i only work until 2... it makes it perfect for BEACH TIMES! the plan for after work today already includes picking up zach and going to the beach for a bit. and of course... bootcamp this evening. woo! i am going to sweat buckets. i haven't been to bootcamp since before the wedding though... like a week and a half before the wedding. and i have had the WORST eating habits for the last couple of weeks as well... not liking it. need to work on my beach bod. haha.

i guess i should write about the wedding... i don't really know what to say. it was such a whirlwind for me. none of it would have been possible if not for some really amazing friends and family. i had some definite freak out moments. things definitely seemed like much bigger problems than they actually ended up being. i know i made my mom really mad at me a few times... and i was pretty mean to her. katie was constantly reassuring me that things were going to work out and it was going to be fine. brent fixed some big problems (including the tarp disaster... that we didn't actually end up needing). that was a big one. tyler was having a fit about that because he had no idea how it was going to work and he had given up. i'm also not a tarp master. but they were put up. and once the lights and everything were added to them... it looked perfect and magical.

my bridesmaids worked their butts off. dealing with my stress and bad attitude. and fixing an abundance of little problems i had. jasmine made all the little feather pieces for hair and boutenirs or whatever you call those things? for the guys. and she made my lovely feather hair piece with all the pearls. they were all fantastic. there were so many little things that i didn't have time to finish up... things that weren't actually that hard to do, and didn't take that long... but i was more or less a chicken with its head cut off. dessy of course worked like a horse for the entire 10 days she was here, more or less. i felt a little bad because she ended up doing what i was supposed to do with the dresses (but they turned out far better than i could have made them... thanfully). she also made my veil the night before. and she arranged all the flowers the morning of. i remember bethany saying something about how she didn't know how she expected to be able to do the decorating herself... well those were things that i expected to do that looking back... what was i thinking? of course i wasn't going to have time to arrange flowers the morning of.

hair and make up, as i expected, took longer than planned. i was basically being poked and proded for about 4 hours straight. but that's how it is supposed to be... right? it came down to a real crunch to get everyone finished in time though... and again i had a panic. i was like okay... seriously... we have a half hour and we need to LEAVE. people didn't seem to grasp the urgency of that. haha. but we made it out on time. we weren't late. and everyone looked fantastic. funny enough... andrew was the one holding up the ceremony... he changed VERY quickly. i laced up his shoes for him while he was putting on his vest and bow tie or something. it was a team effort the whole way.

there were a few logistics that i didn't think through... like... once our hands were tied together it was going to be very hard to do rings and sign the paperwork and all that... but oh well. i thought it was nice. of course... the marriage commissioner was pretty awful... and screwed up BOTH of our names... but its a good story, right? haha. i laughed it off.

then we did photos before dinner. i thought that was a lot of fun. i wish that i had got more photos with certain people. and i wish that there had been some photos of tyler with the girls, and me with the boys... but oh well. there are some whole group shots that will be good. i am DYING of impatience to see the rest of them. it is seriously killing me. haha.

there was another incident with the dinner and place cards and all that... as in i was missing some. buuut... again... catastrophe averted... and it wasn't really as big of a deal as i was making of it and everyone was fine and got their food. the food was amazing. it was laid back and enjoyable.

the rest was the best party of my life. seriously. i had the best time EVER. it was perfect. my ONLY complaint is that someone put their own ipod on and played a kesha song. the WORST. but i survived. and the party continued.

i think probably the biggest highlight for me was getting to sing... with a full band... and the way everyone got into it. that was exhilerating. so good. i want to do it again. anyone want to find me a band?