work work work...

today has had some definite ups and downs.

i spent my morning online shopping for wedding stuff that i had decided on and just hadn't purchased yet (patterns, supplies for making our invitations, etc). it was really exciting. it got me all pumped up for the whole thing... i found someone who would sell me 400 peacock feathers for $73 with shipping! so excited for those to arrive and to make things for the wedding with them. and now i am having all these ideas and i can picture things too. buying things online is the best - i get so excited when i am expecting things in the mail. the wait just kills me, but when i get to rip open the envelope and finally HAVE what i saw pictures of... the best. haha. i could probably develop an online shopping problem if it was possible. luckily i don't have a credit card.

i hung out with andrew today, and we had a good day. he got his L yesterday, so i let him drive us around. i made him come shopping around for tires with me (okay, we only went to two places...). i decided what i was going to do about tires and made the appointment. it bummed me out a little because i was still spending $500. but i instantly felt stress lifted off my shoulders (my current front tires are BALD... it's so sketchy). after that we got something to eat, and went to hang around the mall for a bit. and we got gas. and then we went to the paint store and picked out paint chips for colours to consider for my bridesmaids dresses. he helped me pick the colours that went best together. i still need to cut them all apart so i can decide which shades i want to use with the teals and purples. i am excited for that. i need to SEE it all together so i can make all the necessary decisions.

i arranged for my mom to pick up the car when it was done, dropped her and rhiannon off at dance class, picked up my bike, dropped the car off, and biked to work.

the big DOWN came when the guy from the tire place called me to let me know there was a problem. he had said that if there was a problem with the front end they wouldn't be able to do the wheel alignment today. apparently our steering cage or something is loose and they can't tighten it - keep in mind we spent like $1600 or something fixing our front end earlier this year. the guy told me that all together to do everything would be $850. i wanted to puke. they just put the tires on today and he is giving me the quote on the receipt. i have to get it done or my one front tire will just wear right out again.

so... so far that is my day. i just want to sell that damn car. i hate it. i never even wanted it in the first place. but i have become so accustomed to having a vehicle that it will really suck to go back to NOT having one. not to mention... we're going into winter. and it is supposed to be an especially cold winter this year with lots of snow. not exactly the best season to be carless in. we'll save a lot of money... that's for sure. i want a brand new volkswagen. a city golf! i love them. and they're so reasonable for a brand new vehicle. under 20,000. i wish i could afford to get one. but... i'm stuck being strapped for cash perpetually for the next year at least... is it bad that i would rather skip having a big wedding and buy a car?

i'm just getting more and more stressed out, and my stomach is starting to feel really gross because of it and part of me kind of wants to cry... but i must focus on the good things that happened today and stay calm... at least till i get home from work. then i can go home and do the dishes that tyler pointed out i neglected while i was "sitting around buying shit" this morning.

why can't a day just be all good?

daisy.

TYLER FIXED THE COMPUTER!!!!!

this is very exciting. although i only just discovered it... it has probably been fixed for a while now. hah. thanks tyler.

i have a whole bunch of pictures to share! but... i don't have the time right now. i will say, the name of this post is a song by a wonderful lady we checked out about two weeks ago - christina martin. she's really good. from nova scotia! she told these really awesome stories about all her songs - as a result tyler felt it a necessity to buy BOTH of her cd's. haha. but i don't regret it. they are awesome cd's.



check out her video!! this is from her first album - still awesome.

and now for the pictures i will share right now... this is me at the roller derby bout (trystan and i were the best mc's ever, of course). my friend did my hair (she just started hair school and is really into killer rockabilly hair do's).



i don't have time to play with the first one to turn it... because i don't remember how. hah. that's how long it has been since i posted pictures!!!!

my hair is getting long... its weird....

anyway, that's all for now. i will post some more later because i can do it at my leisure at home - WOO!!!!

respect.

i love when i get to play what we call around here 'kiss classics' - like aretha franklin's respect. awesome song. i probably wouldn't choose to play it right now if i was at home and playing my own music, but i like it a heck of a lot better than adam lambert or something else awful like that.

last week and this week have been tough. lots of work, and other busyness. last week i worked afternoons all week, but i managed to fill each evening with things. this week i didn't work at the radio station until tonight, but i worked the last 3 days and today washing windows. big days. busy days. tiring days. not to mention i need to prepare myself to mc on saturday for the osrda double header (which i am very excited about, and hoping i can be better than the last time i was asked to mc something - yikes!).

i am VERY excited for tomorrow. tomorrow i don't work during the day at all. nothing until 4 pm. it will be really nice to get up at my leisure and sit around in my pyjamas for a while. there is NO way that i am getting up to make tyler's lunch and see him off tomorrow morning. my body feels like it is going to fall apart i am so tired and sore and just... done.

i have to admit, i probably wouldn't have made it through this past week without tyler and my mom's help. my mom has done LOTS of dishes (mind you, she did them when she was over to use our computer to book window washing jobs because their computer broke), and tyler cleaned the whole house including the bathroom and bathtub, and he did laundry and vacuumed. it was a relief to be working so much but not be worrying about the state that my home is in. it means that i don't feel guilty when i sit down for 15 mins before running out the door again, instead of tidying something.

tomorrow night i work, and then brodie is coming over to finish our little project for the roller derby girls - we've been making trading cards. they're pretty cool!!! we just have to print them. we want to get a couple done to have for sale at the bout on saturday. i am VERY excited - i have arranged for a friend of mine to give me a sweet rockabilly hair do. she just started hair school, and this is her area of expertise. it should look wicked. i get to be cherie fury for the night! and trystan, who will be my co mc, will be known as wyatt slurp. hahaha. i think it will be a lot of fun.

and... my brain feels fried. i'm having troubles just typing this... agh. so tired. i can't wait to fall into my bed after work tonight... wish me luck for saturday!!

i feel like this morning could be a good time to write about some things that i have been thinking about for a while now. things that have been bothering me, actually.

when i was about 12 i started to sing. i guess i had always been singing... but... when i was 11 or 12 i sort of discovered i was perhaps good at it. dean helped me with this, learning songs i could sing and spending hours in the evenings with me, playing guitar so i could sing. i even got to go to jam night at a local place and get up on stage and take my turn singing the songs that dean and i had learned together. i would get to skip the first half of school the next day because my mom said that my musical education was as important as my academic education. i loved going.

all through high school my plan was to be the singer in a band and to pursue music as a career. it was what i loved, and i had few doubts that it would take me places and i would achieve something. i wanted to make something of myself. i guess, i wanted to be a big deal. and i believed i would be.

since then i guess i have had a few things that i fell in love with and wanted to chase after. and i did chase after a few things. when i was 19, i moved to montreal. i was enrolled at lasalle college for fashion design and very very excited about it. i moved with my then boyfriend, which was my big mistake. while in montreal i met some awesome people, both through school, and a few through the music scene there too. i really wanted to pursue music while i was there too. it was a world of opportunities for me. i loved the city. but my personal life fell apart. and it felt impossible to stay and try to make things happen. and so i came home, before feeling like i had managed to accomplish anything. i felt like a big failure. i felt like i blew my one big chance to make something happen for myself.

since then i have moved to vancouver, which was a mostly a miserable experience, and calgary, where i met some fantastic people. and i have ended up BACK where i started. i have basically completely let go of my dreams with music. i almost never sing, especially not in public. i can't play an instrument and that really limits me. i don't really sew anything ever. which scares me because i have taken on the task of sewing all the dresses for my bridesmaids... i feel like i am just settling into a normal, boring, average life. sometimes i have an overwhelming feeling of disappointment with myself because i thought that i could really be something great. so what am i doing in this small town doing nothing? i work at a little local radio station, playing music i really don't like.

i guess it is natural for your dreams and plans for the future to change, but i just feel like i lost mine. i feel like i don't have any anymore because i just crashed and burned so hard.

i have always just wanted to be the best at something, and i'm sure everyone feels that way. i know i am good at things, but there is always someone better. i want to be the best. at just one thing. anything. i feel like i am always just mediocre at things. or awful. but everyone is awful at something. i've never come in first. never had the highest mark. never been the fastest. never been a big deal.

and maybe now i can stop thinking about all this and dwelling on my failures.

updates of mayhem.

right in the middle of my hell week. i'm truckin through it... hopefully i'll make it. i am also on day 3 in a row of the gym in the morning. so far that is going quite well. i committed to going in the morning around 7 every day. this morning i went a bit late... (like almost 9) but i had time to do that. haha. so i reasoned it was okay!! tomorrow will be the tough one to do. i have to go between 6:30 and 7 to have enough time. after that, come home and shower quickly and get ready for the PARADE! so excited. i am in the parade with the roller derby team. erin and i are going together. she is going to put my outdoor wheels on my skates (yes, i still haven't done that - i have had them for almost 2 weeks! i'm a slacker... or just really busy). i just hope i don't eat it and make a fool of myself in front of everyone watching the parade. that would be REALLY embarrassing.

i have done 3 of 5 shifts for the ipe. it isn't so bad. i'm always late because rob is always late bringing me the vehicle... out of my control. but other than that, it hasn't been too bad. the first day was a little catastrophic, and i was 40 minutes late getting out there because literally EVERYTHING went wrong on my way out there - like down to the vehicle being out of gas, and me having to use my own money to fill it up (i got reimbursed). i work the night shift tomorrow, after all the parade excitement. and then just a 3 hour stint on sunday (directly after my sunday morning shift) and then the ipe is over. i don't even actually get a chance to go out there and just hang out and check it out. kind of bummed about that. but what can ya do? nothing.

everyone around the office kept talking about how excited they were for the long weekend, and all wished me a happy long weekend as they left... but... long weekend just means that i do two very early mornings back to back. not really relaxing for me. i'm the one who gets stuck with the shifts while you are all at home kicking back and having a good time! sheesh. don't rub it in...

tyler and i have decided that we are going to have a date night once a week where we will take turns planning something for the other person. i think it will be good for us to do that. especially with our strict budgeting, we hardly ever go out and do anything fun... and it takes a toll. sometimes i feel like the only time we spend together is in front of the tv. we don't do anything together other than watch shows and movies. it gets a bit boring sometimes. so tonight i planned our activity... we're going on a bike ride to one of my favourite spots to sit and hang out. should be nice... and calming, after the week i have had. my legs hurt a bit from 3 days in a row at the gym... but... i shall suck it up. it isn't too tough of a bike ride anyway. i'm really excited to do this. tyler is excited about it too, which is nice to see.

annnnd... i have to make my cd for the derby parade music tonight. i am a little nervous about it. i hope no one hates it. i hope my idea of what music goes with derby is what other people think too. i'm the music expert... this should be no problem... right?