thoughts and afterthoughts.

it has been a rather crappy day. or rather, everything has just piled up and i feel like trudging along is just getting harder and harder.

last week was INSANE. it started with work monday evening at the station. and then i worked washing windows tuesday. followed by a trip to kelowna to see tyler's friend. wednesday was more window washing. followed by roller derby. by the time i get home from derby and shower, there isn't time for anything else. its bed time. and i usually just barely have enough time to eat dinner before derby, if i'm lucky. and it isn't a real, well prepared, delicious and nutritious dinner... its whatever i can grab that will fill me up before i go to roller derby dinner. thursday was more window washing. enough time to shower and again grab whatever i could find that was fast before i had to go to the station for work. friday was the same as thursday, except after work at the station i went skating for a bit. i found a pretty good spot to skate outside that is also close to my house. saturday i had a remote at the bell store. and then i told tyler that i wanted to go to the beach and i would go with or without him because that was what i really wanted to do. lucky for me, he agreed. and then sunday, i was up for work at 5:10 am and worked till 11 am. we went for breakfast when i got home, and then painted the chicken coop at my mom's. for the afternoon we just watched episodes of dexter because i didn't think i could move at that point. my body hurt after all the working and derbying i did all week.

so today it was back to work washing windows. and i am tired. and it was hot. really hot. and especially muggy. i had sweat dripping down the side of my face. i looked pretty gross altogether, actually.

i get home. shower. tyler comes home. he showers. i tell him he has to go out tonight and get a loaf of bread so that he can have a lunch tomorrow because we can't afford for him to buy a lunch again tomorrow. i haven't had time to go grocery shopping so he will have to just make do with peanut butter and jam. and whatever fruit is left in the fridge... i think there is an apple. and maybe a granola bar left. he complains, of course, about having to get a loaf of bread and says he will just starve tomorrow. which is annoying. i know he's "joking" but he is actually very upset with having to go get a loaf of bread. and then he discovers we need to find somewhere to buy cat litter from pronto (because we use wood pellets and the fare stopped selling them). which makes him more unhappy. he hates going out in the evening, and his argument is that he worked all day and he just wants to relax. well... i work all day too. and i work in the evening while he sits at home and plays world of warcraft.

i feel like i have to do everything or it won't get done. or it will be done the easy way with way too many corners cut. i haven't had a chance to do the dishes and clean the kitchen in a while. the laundry is piling up. we need groceries in a bad way. and i haven't been to the gym in like a week and a half. eating crap that is easy to grab and go, and not having time to go the gym because of my stupid working all the time schedule... its just making me gain more weight. and i feel disgusting. and i'm stressed out. and i can't get everything done. and i have to work enough this week to make enough money to drive down for grandma b's memorial. and i am supposed to be playing in a slow pitch tournament this week too which we don't have enough players for, i haven't had time to make my costume for (and i have to make tyler's too, of course), and when i am not there for the friday night game and the sunday play off part... we won't actually have enough girls.

i just want to sleep for a year and forget about everything that i am supposed to do right now. why can't someone else do it? don't i get any help?