dying day.

so i started writing this big blog just before new years with good intentions, and then didn't have time to finish it... and so it was abandoned. and now it is just too late to publish it.

so i will start over.

things have been crazy busy (although i guess i always say that). i am still waiting for that day when i wake up and things have slowed down and i have time to get around to all the cool stuff i want to do. somehow i maintain the belief that it will happen, haha.

despite my crazy hectic life, i have decided to keep one of hugo and jasmine's adorably cute offspring. i named her belle starr. she was the one i named from the get go when all the puppies were born. she is all black except for a white star on her chest and a few white hairs on the tip of her tail (the border collie white tipped tail). she was always my favourite. i have wanted a dog for quite some time, but i have never had the life to accommodate one. for those of you who don't know, belle starr is probably the most bad ass female outlaw ever. she was stylish, well educated, and played classical piano. she has been called the female jesse james. look her up.

i decided it was time for a change.

my plans have changed around a few times in the last few months (like i guess they always do). i realized that if i really took off to europe for a few months that my career would basically start over. when i came back i would have to start at the bottom of the pile, back in vernon where i didn't want to be, working somewhere that doesn't give me a chance to fully spread my wings and do what i am good at. don't get me wrong, i have been appreciative to have the opportunities that i have had and to learn the things i have learned. but i am starting to feel really restless. i have a goal and i have been actively working towards it. i want to be in vancouver and working in a major market.

so i am working towards vancouver in the spring. that's my goal. and being locked down (with a dog). and i feel pretty good about it.

and i am also stuck on the idea of a music blog again, but i don't know how to angle it. like a direction. i guess i am still working on that. i've also been working on using my social media (facebook and twitter) to share cool stuff that i find on the internets like a good radio personality should. i am trying to be more in the know of whats up in pop culture. it has actually been kinda fun. i have come across some really cool stuff.

for a good listen on this thursday afternoon, check out my current song obsession.



for those of you who didn't hear, i did my very first open mic like two weeks ago. it was the first time that i had gotten up in front of completely strangers and played guitar. i was REALLY nervous. i played this song (and stumbled my way through it... but i was determined. because i love it).

hope you love it as much as i do.

christmas eve eve

well... it is christmas eve eve day. hahaha.

this year is a weird christmas. kaetlyn won't be here, she is in iceland. and drew is living in kamloops and will be coming tomorrow, and leaving after we do presents on tuesday morning. almost every christmas we have been all together. but this year is also (i think) the only year we have done christmas dinner with a bunch of extended family. i think that is going to be a lot of fun.

i have already decided what i am making for christmas dinner dessert (although last night i found out there are actually way more people coming than i thought, and so i am going to have to make more than one dessert). i found this recipe for an eggnog cake with spiced rum and vanilla bean in it. it sounds sooooooo good. pretty stoked.

i have done my best to go all homemade this year. and i almost succeeded. i am going shopping today after work to try and finish things up and get the rest of what i need. i also need to finish my last couple of projects (nothing like last minute). i haven't even started kaetlyn's yet. although i have told her that it will be more of a christmas/valentines day present because it will take forever to get to her, haha.

i have decided that i would like to get back to writing on my blog more regularly. i needed a little break (not that i was writing on it that much before) but now i am ready to get back at it.

soooo.... check back soon!

so here's the deal.

this is a hard blog to write, but i think it is the best way to just say what i have to say.

tyler and i have split up.

there are lots of reasons. and yes, this is for sure, and it is for good.

i don't really know what i want to say about it right now, but i know that i am going to be okay. i am going to get through this. for me and my life, i think this is a good thing in the long run. it just really sucks that this is the way that things have to go down. i am being true to myself. doing the things that make me really happy. and i don't want to spend my life with someone who isn't supportive and tears me down for the going after these things.

i'm moving in with my mom for november. i am applying for a job at the peak in vancouver next week (but it is a real long shot... but who knows... maybe the timing is just right for me and i will get it and it will be meant to be... we'll see!) . and my plan is to move to france in the spring for a few months. followed by school next fall for radio.

there. now everyone who might read my blog will know.

i'm back... again... haha.

i have been trying to figure out exactly what i would like my blog to be called. and what exactly it should encompass. my mom said i should practice and have a bunch of entries just already written up. i think that's a good idea. she is really trying to push me towards writing about music. but... you know... i don't really feel all that qualified to write about music. i am not a musician. i don't play any instruments. i have never written anything. but... i am a very dedicated and devoted LISTENER of music. haha. does that count for anything? i just don't know that it counts for enough.

i read this article yesterday that got me really excited and got my brain going for a summer project. my friend in montreal has a daughter who attended this camp last year (they quoted her, ava hosson) and will be going back this year. the idea for the camp is just amazing. i always feel a twinge of jealousy when i see programs like this for kids these days - especially girls, because there was NOTHING even remotely like it when i was a kid. i think i would have benefited from it.i have never wanted anything, and i mean anything, more than to be in a band. if my job could be music (and not just playing mediocre to bad music by other people over the airwaves) it would be amazing. although, i will admit that watching the voice this season jealous has crept up on me over this one girl's voice. juliet simms. i WISH i had her rasp and raw rock and roll persona. and she is just KILLING it in that competition. i love her songs, but... at the same time i just get so depressed and overcome with jealousy. i wish that was me. i don't know how to make that me.i don't actually think my voice is special. i have one of those other voices that were eliminated earlier (or didn't even make it on the show) that is good... but... nothing special or different.

and i know... my mother will argue otherwise. but mom... you're my mother. you think everything about me is special and amazing. its just a part of the job description.

again jealousy crept in on me this morning when i was reading my friend's blog. he and his girlfriend (also a friend of mine) are travelling right now an 'around the world' trip. they started in africa. and they have been all over china. and thailand. and i am not really sure where they are going next... but they have several more months before they come home. i feel like i am wasting my life sometimes here in the okanagan. living where i have always lived. doing the things that i have always done. essentially... nothing all that interesting. working and trying to make enough money and get ahead... but never really ever seeming to get anywhere with it? increasingly hating my employment situation more and more. it just gets to be less and less fulfilling and more and more frustrating.

i need to be self employed. i need to get the blog thing going already.

anyway... i want to try and get enough people together to make a girls rock camp in the okanagan this summer. i would try and do it the beginning of august. i have asked amy if she would be interested in doing it with me (teaching piano). she doesn't think she is qualified or skilled enough (everyone should help convince her otherwise - haha). and it would be an awesome way to have her come visit for a while this summer AND make some money at the same time. and i really think it would be fulfilling to help empower young girls with music and encourage them to explore their own creativity with it.

i know i would have appreciated that kind of thing when i was young. from anyone OTHER than my mother...

maybe its just a downer day at work. or i just have some issues to deal with. i just want change really badly. i feel in a rut.

easter treats.

i have been writing a food blog here for the radio station in association with my food feature on sunday mornings. i have really enjoyed it (and that is in large part what has encouraged me to start my own blog project). the recipe for homemade easter treats is something i found on another blog, actually. last night my mom and i tried them out, with some of our own additions. we skipped on the turmeric and the yellow yolk centers altogether. we tasted the mixes for the middles, but we only tried one whole one with the chocolate and everything. as i predicted, they are much like bliss balls - which i am VERY excited about considering bliss balls are my favourite sweet treat (and they're rather expensive).

so we started out with just the original mix in the recipe to see what they would be like. and it was delicious... so then i started playing with it. the first one i did was hazelnuts and cranberries. that's the one that we tasted. delish. then i did almonds with matcha and coconut and cranberries. they were really not sweet... not sure if i liked the combo. but we covered them in white chocolate and i am hoping that will give them the sweetness they need. or maybe they will be perfect for someone who is not that into sweet stuff. and the last one (which i liked the taste of the nut mix the best) was pecans, coconut, and dried blueberries. SO GOOD. i am excited to try these with the chocolate.

i kept the basic recipe the same. they all have the maple syrup, coconut oil, dates and oats in them (although we actually used a 7 whole grain mix). and then i just added things and mixed it up. i highly recommend these. i'm actually thinking i am going to make a bunch and have them as snacks, like where you might have a granola bar. my mom and i were thinking about using things like pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds too. i'm excited about it!

try them out... super easy. all you need is a food processor. have fun with the shapes and let me know if you come up with a particularly delicious combo!

new project.

i know i know... i never write. and so my next project will probably baffle most of you a little. i have decided that i would like to start a blog with which to earn a profit. i am still working on details for content and name and all that, but it is in the works.

i really want to create a way to be self employed and not be tied down to a location. tyler and i have plans for the next few years, and we don't want to stay in one place. we want to spend a few years traveling around working and whatever else we feel like. probably teaching some english in non english speaking countries (france, germany, italy... you get the idea) and maybe trying some other stuff in places like england, scotland, and ireland. i am REALLY excited by the adventure of this idea. my little heart has a hard time swallowing the fact that i have to wait likely two more years before we can take off and make it happen.

sometimes i have dreams that i am sitting on the grass in this little square in paris where we went with antoine. and it is much like it was then... kids playing in the water of the fountain, other people sunning on the grass, and tyler and i are talking and smiling and generally enjoying ourselves and the day. everything is beautiful and warm and i am bursting with happy.... and then i wake up and am in vernon and it is cloudy and the buildings are generally ugly the language is boring and the food is the same as always. i am usually genuinely depressed for the rest of the day. other times i actually fight off an urge to cry.

and so i am working on a plan to make this life more attainable. a blog. a great way to be self employed AND to be myself and not have to contain certain parts of myself or pretend i am into things i am not really into (ahem... top 40 music). the name i am thinking about is "the other life" i don't want to limit it to just one topic (food, fashion, music, lifestyle etc). i want it to encompass everything that i am passionate about, and all in their alternative way. the alternative way of living in all ways.

i have been talking to my friends who do web design... and it seems the best way to start it is on a free blog site... but i don't think i like the limitations of blogspot. but i don't really know what else is out there? bethany, do you know of any that are a little less limiting with design options? and maybe would you help me with a skin or design or whatever for my little blog project once i get it going?

i have also been talking to people i know with similar interests to me and maybe a little more knowledge in specific areas. casey is taking environmental sciences in school, and she's vegan. suzanne is uber crafty and into baking and homemaking. jayme is a whiz in the kitchen and with natural eating and nutrition. they have all expressed interest in doing guest posts, which i am excited for. i also know some people in bands (and although i haven't asked) i hope to do some interviews and stuff like that.

i'm really excited about the idea... excited to be heading in a specific direction that i feel makes more sense for me and what i want for myself. after much frustration with my current employment situation and aspirations, i realized some things. i realized that i will never get what i want from my job. i realized that no major market radio station would give me what i want. i discovered that in order to get a radio job with cbc, where i think i would actually enjoy it, i would have to move waaaaaay up north and work my way up. i don't think tyler is willing to do that. and that would mean giving up my travel and adventure dreams and being stable somewhere. and based on my dreams and how sad they make me... i don't think that would really make me happy.

i may be looking at doing some stuff at one of the stations in more of a promotions role, which would be awesome and would put me working along side someone who has some really good ideas for how i can get this blog thing going and making money with it. so... yah.

lots going on with me... as usual.

i am going to try and do some blogging every day just to get on with the regularity of it and writing all the time.

also... if you need some music... my march playlist, and august 2011 playlist are both up on my 8tracks profile! check it out. heart the playlists you like. follow me (thanks laura!).

searching for new music?

i have recently discovered 8tracks.com and its AWESOME.

my friend charlotte has been bugging me to make digital playlists instead of burning cd's and mailing them... soo... i finally put in the effort.

you guys can follow me here and check out all the playlists i upload!

so far i have december and january up there.

yay... music sharing!