reason to believe.

today is day 9 of 10. that's right, i got another shift added on. but its kind of a good thing. the station asked me to work tomorrow, and the following monday as well, for the drive home. the 4 - 7 shift. patrick says he wants to see how i do in one of their top rated spots. i have a lot that i know i haven't been doing very well, but i want to give it a shot.

i've been reconsidering my ideas about moving to toronto and fashion school all together. i think that maybe the fact that i'm okay with the idea of giving it up is a sign it isn't worth moving across the country for. and the more i think about it, the more i'm unsure i want to move that far away again. and then i factored in the fact that i wouldn't be done school until i'm 28. that puts me at almost 30 with student loans, no guarantee on a good job, and living on the other end of the country where i don't particularly think i want to live forever. i would like to think that i am thinking practical. i love bc. i even love the okanagan. its like part of me is wanting to do what i always do, take off in search of something great and fantastic. maybe there is nothing wrong with my life here. i have some good opportunities with the radio station, and i got a pretty good job at the pub. i have a great life. there is no need to upset that. besides, sewing and designing could make a better hobby than job for me, i do believe. i think i will enjoy it more. i already have so much of the equipment and some of the knowledge. the internet has tons of things for me to discover to help me along the way. i think i'll just try and do it for myself by myself instead of spending a ton of money to move and go to school.

maybe its just time to put down some permanent roots. tyler wants to buy a house in lumby. i said NEVER will i EVER live in lumby, nevermind BUY a house there. agh. no way. what a scuzzy little town. its a village for eff sake. the VILLAGE of lumby. aggh. gross. if i was to buy a house... it would be a cute little really old house that needs love and fixing up. one of those old homes with fantastic weird little rooms and corners for reading chairs next to big windows. thats the kind of house i would want to live in forever. old hardwood floors that have so much personality they almost have a voice of their own. i could make curtains, and paint any colour i wanted. and a yard with big old trees and a garden of my own.

but all that is a long long long ways away. first things first.

i don't really have much more to say, considering i have been working a million days in a row and nothing very exciting has really happened. i've just been thinking a lot about a lot of different things.