it has been a rather crappy day. or rather, everything has just piled up and i feel like trudging along is just getting harder and harder.

last week was INSANE. it started with work monday evening at the station. and then i worked washing windows tuesday. followed by a trip to kelowna to see tyler's friend. wednesday was more window washing. followed by roller derby. by the time i get home from derby and shower, there isn't time for anything else. its bed time. and i usually just barely have enough time to eat dinner before derby, if i'm lucky. and it isn't a real, well prepared, delicious and nutritious dinner... its whatever i can grab that will fill me up before i go to roller derby dinner. thursday was more window washing. enough time to shower and again grab whatever i could find that was fast before i had to go to the station for work. friday was the same as thursday, except after work at the station i went skating for a bit. i found a pretty good spot to skate outside that is also close to my house. saturday i had a remote at the bell store. and then i told tyler that i wanted to go to the beach and i would go with or without him because that was what i really wanted to do. lucky for me, he agreed. and then sunday, i was up for work at 5:10 am and worked till 11 am. we went for breakfast when i got home, and then painted the chicken coop at my mom's. for the afternoon we just watched episodes of dexter because i didn't think i could move at that point. my body hurt after all the working and derbying i did all week.

so today it was back to work washing windows. and i am tired. and it was hot. really hot. and especially muggy. i had sweat dripping down the side of my face. i looked pretty gross altogether, actually.

i get home. shower. tyler comes home. he showers. i tell him he has to go out tonight and get a loaf of bread so that he can have a lunch tomorrow because we can't afford for him to buy a lunch again tomorrow. i haven't had time to go grocery shopping so he will have to just make do with peanut butter and jam. and whatever fruit is left in the fridge... i think there is an apple. and maybe a granola bar left. he complains, of course, about having to get a loaf of bread and says he will just starve tomorrow. which is annoying. i know he's "joking" but he is actually very upset with having to go get a loaf of bread. and then he discovers we need to find somewhere to buy cat litter from pronto (because we use wood pellets and the fare stopped selling them). which makes him more unhappy. he hates going out in the evening, and his argument is that he worked all day and he just wants to relax. well... i work all day too. and i work in the evening while he sits at home and plays world of warcraft.

i feel like i have to do everything or it won't get done. or it will be done the easy way with way too many corners cut. i haven't had a chance to do the dishes and clean the kitchen in a while. the laundry is piling up. we need groceries in a bad way. and i haven't been to the gym in like a week and a half. eating crap that is easy to grab and go, and not having time to go the gym because of my stupid working all the time schedule... its just making me gain more weight. and i feel disgusting. and i'm stressed out. and i can't get everything done. and i have to work enough this week to make enough money to drive down for grandma b's memorial. and i am supposed to be playing in a slow pitch tournament this week too which we don't have enough players for, i haven't had time to make my costume for (and i have to make tyler's too, of course), and when i am not there for the friday night game and the sunday play off part... we won't actually have enough girls.

i just want to sleep for a year and forget about everything that i am supposed to do right now. why can't someone else do it? don't i get any help?

peaceful easy feeling.

it is MONDAY. i have opted to work the next 4 days washing windows (if it can be booked...) so today was my lone day off to get everything done. i folded like 5 loads of laundry (off the floor of course) and scrubbed the bath tub. it was disgusting. i would look at the bottom of the tub every time i was having a shower and note how dirty it was... and just not get around to scrubbing it... so today was the day. and having the floor of our bedroom clear is a nice change. haha. tyler was glad to have clean underwear in his drawer... yikes. i didn't get around to the dishes, but i am hoping PERHAPS tomorrow after work, or tonight... just maybe. we're going to kelowna tomorrow night, i think, to see tyler's friend colby. and wednesday night is derby. and then thursday and friday nights i work. plus i have a friend that is going to europe, and i would really like to hang out with her... she leaves saturday.

it will be yet another busy week.

and i have to fill our funtastic team. it would be nice to get 2 or 3 more girls on the team. right now we have 14 players locked and loaded... but we paid for 18. so we need 4 more. jasmine has some to contribute i think...

there has been drama erupting in the roller derby community. the fresh meat coach is splitting to make her own team. i think i am going to go with her. most of the fresh meat girls are. PLUS then i can actually get involved with the radio station and promotion. i can have some say in things and make things the way it should be. the whole derby scene is a bit skewed with the other team, and they have an announcer from sun fm, and so are exclusive with them. which is a bit of a bummer for me. and i think if i stayed with the raggedy rollers... what would i do at practices? i would go off on one little corner of the rink and skate back and forth by myself... and that wouldn't really benefit me all that much, you know? i wouldn't have anyone to teach and help me, because no one other than the fresh meat coach really does that.

tyler came up with a fantastic name for me after the bout in kelowna... and then i checked it out, and its taken. soooo... no go. it was bettie rage. which i thought was AWESOME! but... back to the drawing board. any ideas? i really wanted 'fujiyama mama' which is the name of wanda jackson's big 1958 hit single (check it out... its awesome). but that one is taken too. arg. some of them are so clever!! the best ones i have heard were probably on the movie 'whip it!'. like babe ruthless, or ravin maven, or rosa sparks, smashlee simpson... etc. erin's is traxel rose. there is a girl on the raggedy rollers called smash gordon. i want something incredibly clever and tough and awesome!!

anyway... that's it for tonight. i'll be back thursday.

derby love.

we went to the game last night in kelowna. yesterday was actually a VERY BUSY DAY. and when i say we... i mean tyler and i.

it all started friday evening, i suppose. andrew came over, and when i was done work the three of us went for a bike ride around town. it was a really nice evening. just finally getting dark. it was a good ride. our last stop on the ride was to get some candy, and we went home and watched hot tub time machine (which is totally ridiculous and stupid if you were wondering... sometimes we like to watch dumb movies). andrew stayed over.

in the morning, we took andrew home, where we traded him in for rhiannon. we then went to walmart, printed some of the lovely photos that laura took for us. we printed two of them in 8x10. next we headed downtown for the sunshine festival!! yay!! rhiannon had her heart set on getting her face painted, but the only face painting we could find wasn't very good. it was a disappointment. we also got some picture frames for the photos that we printed. and we stopped in at this place that tyler and i have been dying to check out. its called 3208 and its a gourmet hot dog joint. so good!!! we hadn't gone because we heard they didn't have veggie dogs but apparently people have been asking for them, so they have some now. it was so good! although... they switched the ones that tyler and i ordered... so i got his, and he got mine. he had ordered the 'gwaka gwaka' which had guacamole mayo and melted cheese and salsa maybe? i'm not totally sure. i had ordered 'the med' which had hummus, olives, and artichoke. rhiannon got a kids one... with just mustard... haha. tyler started to get grumpy - i think it was too hot... he got a sunburn.

we dropped rhiannon off. went home briefly. and then headed to kelowna. we went to doc willoughby's and had some veggies and dip and hung out there for a while on the patio. kelowna has awesome patios downtown. vernon doesn't have anything that compares in the least. we killed time until we had to meet the family for dinner at the keg. the keg, for the record, has one vegetarian dish that they make. and it isn't on the menu. BUT... it is delicious. it was portabello mushroom fajitas. so good. i recommend it to anyone who doesn't feel like having a steak at the keg (if you ever find yourself in that position...??). it was a good dinner, but the fam took so long getting to kelowna that tyler and i were kind of in a rush.

the main event started at 7! roller derby game in kelowna. andrew, rhiannon, and dean joined tyler and i. the kelowna peach tarts and the ok shuswap raggedy rollers rematch. last time they played, we beat the tarts by more than 100 points. this time wasn't nearly as awesome. erin got to do a demo before the game to explain how it works. it was cool. she was great. i was jealous. rhiannon had a HAY DAY at the game. and dean wouldn't stop talking about how it is a sub culture. tyler's friend kristy, who lives in kelowna, and her boyfriend joined us part way through. i got to explain to everyone how it works. and by the end rhiannon was following along, and had learned all the lingo. my throat hurt by the time we left. the refs were calling all kinds of stuff on the raggedy rollers, and NOTHING on the tarts. we saw soooo many elbows (which are not allowed). it was brutal. so, although the raggedy rollers had a really strong lead right off the bat, the peach tarts won - 249 to 201. it sucked. trystan texted me the score after the game ended, calling the peach tarts all kinds of names. it was kind of funny. trystan isn't really the angry type.

the drive home was nice. we listened to some neil young at dean's request, some beatles at rhiannon's insistance, and then to the doors for dean again. we dropped off the fam, and went promptly home to bed.

i got up at 5:10 and am now almost done my shift.

after work will find me at the gym for a good hour, probably a shower, and then to my mom's to paint the chicken coop (hopefully). followed by dinner at tyler's mom's. and then funtastic practice at the park across from our house! its like 10 days till funtastic. we're starting to get really excited. i need to figure out my costume. everyone has to dress up as their favourite character from hook! the team is called BANGERANNNNGS!!!! jasmine won't stop hounding me about my costume decisions. CALM DOWN JASMINE. DON'T WORRY. I WILL HAVE A COSTUME AND I WON'T COP OUT, OKAY?

alright... i think thats all.

take on me.

so i have just stopped trying to write blogs at home because it is too annoying, and i also can't comment on them from home... and i don't always have time when i am at work... so i guess it will just be sparse. whatever.

today is exactly one year to the wedding. my mom has been saying things about how it is our one year prequel anniversary. i want to start creating a photo album with random things in it for the year leading up to the wedding. there will be soooo much work done this year for the wedding. i should take some pictures of the yard and to compare to what it will look like AT the wedding. i am HOPING it will be drastically different, haha. it does scare me a little... i worry that we won't get enough done. fingers crossed.

another thing i am worried about is the dresses!!!! i want to get working on that right away. there are so many things to do, and it seems so early to be planning all of this... but... its too much to wait to plan everything. i want it all planned and on track so that later on down the line everything will just fall into place. easily. no stress. hahaha. i realize this may be a bit naive of me to think that it could actually happen that way, but i am REALLY hoping.

curious about the patterns i chose for the bridesmaids? i'll show you!!!

jasmine - although i am unsure about the neckline on this one? i was thinking either a deep v or a scoop might be better? i don't know. thoughts?
megan - this one is a SURE thing. it was the first one i picked. and so perfect for megan. SO perfect. and she loves it... win win!
suzanne - i actually have this pattern (it is one of the ones i bought in too small of a size and was trying to convert it... yah... that project is long abandoned. but i would REALLY like to get back to it... really....). i THINK it will look really good on suzanne.
gillian - this one i am not positive about. gill doesn't normally wear form fitting clothing, and CERTAINLY not dresses... so i don't really know what kind of thing she will look good in, or what is the right shape for her... but... we'll see i guess? i love this dress. i love the buttons down the front. i think it is beautiful.

now to pick fabric. i found this. i REALLY love the picture in the top right hand corner of the collage thing - the flower arrangement. i want to use those greens for my bridesmaids dresses. and then the bright blue for the flower girls. and then accent things with purple - the groomsmen will probably have purple bowties, little peacock feather corsage things, and maybe we'll line the vests with a purple satin-y fabric? i have yet to decide on my SHOES, but this is a very important question. haha. what kind of shoes do i want to have? they're going to show... so... really it could be something FUN! i saw a picture of these awesome blue sparkly ones, like the colour of that bright blue. that might be cool. i haven't been able to decide what i want the groomsmen to wear exactly. we know that we don't want jackets at all, just vests. and bowties. i was thinking it would be cool to have grey pants and black vests - but i pretty much got told by everyone that it was a bad idea - 'WHAT, not the same colour? thats too much...' i still like the idea. but it IS hard to invision when i haven't seen it. thoughts?

pretty much working, derby, gym, and wedding have swallowed my life whole. there is nothing beyond those 4 things.

crocodile rock.

so i had to run the song of the day contest tonight. it was the first time i had to do it in my shift. it was a little bit stressful. i was worried i wouldn't have any callers this late in the evening... but i had a bunch. so thats good. and it is over. that is also good.

i have a massive headache. i have had it all day. it really sucks. i have already taken 4 advil. and i have been drinking water all day... nothing seems to help. so i am just dealing with it until i can go home and go to bed to sleep it away. sometimes that is the only thing that helps.

today was my day off from the gym (and i think i will not be going on sunday either). i went on wednesday and thursday though. wednesday with my friend mikha, which was awesome. i used to work with her at the fare, and we had conversations about the anxiety that going the gym caused me. she had the same thing, but she got a pass months ago and had been going. she said it wasn't so bad. so we planned to go together, and she showed me what she usually does. and it was actually really nice to hang out and chat, seeing as how we haven't really done a lot of that since i stopped working at the fare in december. we have a lot of similar interests. and mikha has interesting thoughts on things. she helped me feel really comfortable. she went camping this weekend, and left thursday right after work, so i went solo yesterday. it was a little scary at first, but i just did all the same things that we had done the day before, and went a little longer too. it was good. i brought my ipod and just listened to music. it good to feel so super sweaty after and know that you worked really hard. and it is nice to be active, and i find i feel much less sluggish for the rest of my day. i kind of just wanted to get on my bike and ride for the rest of the night. haha.

roller derby has been going really well too. erin is apparently going to be moving up to the more talented group by july, haha. kind of bums me out. i want to be better and move up. but i just started. she has been going for a few months now. but i will get there. there is a bout tomorrow night, and another one the following week. tomorrow is against the missfits of mayhem from alberta. haha. it should be fun. i get to sell 50/50. not super pumped on that, but whatever. have to do my part and help out! the following game is in kelowna, so we don't have to help out. i just get to go for free! yay! tyler and trystan are going to the game tomorrow night together. and i only have to do 50/50 till they do the draw... and then i get to watch for the rest. i think that is at the halftime? whatever.

i am hoping that going to the gym will help me in roller derby. make me stronger. build up my endurance. i did 21 laps in 5 minutes - you have to be able to do 25. but 21 is pretty good. only 4 laps away. and that was only at my 4th practice. i just keep getting better!!

it seems that's all i ever talk about.. but i'm not sure what else there is to really talk about? we have been doing yard work at my mom's house. both tyler and i were a little bummed to see how little support and help we got from our friends. brady, suzanne, and matt (briefly) helped us out last weekend. we got a lot of weeding done. and brady and tyler finished the second set of stairs on the porch, and redid the railing (we got rid of the ugly stuff, and put new stuff up). we have to colour match the paint and repaint the porch. and also find out what we are going to do the flooring for it. my mom and i have been going to the farmers market and collecting flowers to plant in the flower beds we cleared out. we got a bunch of irises. i am really excited for when they bloom next year. it will be soooo pretty. suzanne talked to a woman she works with and she is going to give us a bunch of lilies and irises after they bloom this year for FREE, which is the best part. we're having another work day on sunday this weekend. i kind of don't think anyone will come, but... tyler and i will be there! haha. not too sure what the project of the day will be, but there will be something. there is still a ton of weeding to do. or maybe we will try and get the paint jobs done. and the chicken coop painted. we still need to acquire a large quantity of brick and paving stones for the yard... but that can be done at a later date.

... i think thats all i have going on.

today i bought a gym pass. ladies world. i just feel like i need it. you all had very valid points... but i just don't know that i will push myself to get out and be active outside by myself. i don't know that i can do that. the gym almost feels like something new that i have to conquer. it could be really good. it is a fear that i have had (what with people judging me, and me not knowing what i am doing) that i think that i need to deal with. i know it won't be as bad as i might think it could be. the way i feel about it is similar to how i was feeling about going to roller derby. i can do this. i just have to try!!

i did a special spot tonight on roller derby and had a chat with the fresh meat coach (also known as ima bustyouup! haha). it was really exciting because i actually got a call from a woman asking for the information again RIGHT AFTER i finished airing it. i thought that was really cool. you don't often get a response like that - especially not in the evenings. it just means someone was listening to me AND they found my spot interesting! yay!!

there are two more roller derby games happening - june 12th, and june 19th. i get to volunteer with the one on the 12th and be a part of the association which is pretty exciting. i get to sell 50/50 tickets. haha. which isn't a bad job to be assigned because it means i get to walk around, and i actually get to watch part of the bout!! and i get a sweet shirt.

i have finally made a final decision on my colours for the wedding. i want to use peacock feathers, and i found this awesome idea board on a wedding blog using all these beautiful jewel tones and peacock feathers. so the bridesmaids dresses will be slightly varying shades of green, the flower girls will wear BRIGHT teal, and we will accent with purple. i was also thinking it might look cool to have the groomsmen wear purple shirts. and we were contemplating doing grey pants - i have seen a lot of pictures of this and i think it looks cool. different than the standard black dress pants, ya know? i also picked 4 different patterns from the vogue vintage collection - 1 for each of the bridesmaids. i think they will look awesome. so the next step is going to vancouver to scope out wicked cheap fabric and getting all the girls measurements so i can order the patterns. i want to start making them. i will probably make each of the dresses out of muslin first so i don't wreck the real fabric the first time. and that way i can work out any of the tricky things!! i am so excited. everything is starting to come together and work itself out. i think we also worked out the guest list for the dinner - it was really hard to do because we can't have everyone there.

i don't remember if i wrote this on here... but we decided to split the day into 3 portions. the ceremony - will be short, not SUPER formal, just a few chairs, and most people will stand. the dinner - only 100 people, just an intimate dinner with some friends and family and close friends, nothing TOO exciting, probably rather quiet... and then a 'cocktail hour'/reception - the party won't start RIGHT away. everyone will be invited to this part, and this is where we will have the speeches, slide show, and all that fun stuff - so everyone can be a part of it! and then the party/dance will start. yaaay!! i think it works out nicely so that we can keep things small and personal, but considering we both have such huge families, no one gets left out of all the fun stuff. right?

and we picked the song for our first dance. i heard it at work, actually, sunday morning. its an old classic song. timeless, i think. and it isn't something that will go out of style and we won't want to listen to anymore. and its so appropriate. and i think it might be interesting to keep it a secret!! haha... you'll just have to come to the wedding and hear it for yourself i guess!!

that's all for now.

second time's a charm!

last night was my second go at a roller derby practice. it was soooo much better than the first time!! it was so satisfying to sweat soooo much and feel my muscles burn. i love it. i get sturdier on my skates every time i put them on. not only did i skate, but i did little jumps from side to side (while standing still) and ones where i spun around and jumped. i fell once when i did the spin jumps... but i was really proud of myself! i participated in all the drills, including one where we mocked a game and had to block the jammer. we successfully blocked erin from getting through a few times. it was really really fun. i learned how to hit... although we only made it through one round of the drill before a girl got knocked over and, they think, dislocated two fingers - YES, IT'S A FULL CONTACT SPORT. i also learned transitions... where i turn around so (if i could do it...) i can switch to skating backwards. but i can't skate backwards yet. i also got another girl that i know to show me how to do the cross over skating (where one foot goes over the other and you can go fast around corners)... although i haven't managed to wrap my head around that one yet. my wheels keep getting stuck on each other. no good. i didn't fall doing that though....

i got in a sort of bummed out mood this afternoon after randoming around all morning... so i sat down and started whip it! before i had to come to work. it just made me want to practice skating all the time. i mean... if i can see the difference in my ability after TWO practices... it can't be that bad. i think i could be a natural! i actually likened it to the years of dance i did... once i know how my feet are supposed to move, i can do it.

aside from that... hmm... what has been going on? i have a ton of work to do on my mom's yard. i am, hopefully, going to get a good start on the flower beds in her yard this week. i think most of the plants are in the garden now... so we can start working on the flowers. i want to get some tiger lilies and some more irises. they're soooo pretty! just make the flower beds in the front of the house, and around the side (the ones you see when you drive up) look magical and whimsical. not like perfect landscaped flower beds... like just an over growth of flowers where no weeds happen to be... because i will pull them all out. hahahaha. tyler and i are hunting down more brick or paving stones for the back yard... we haven't found much yet. it seems to be a popular thing to request and goes quickly... but we will keep trying. tyler has another set of stairs to build, and the ones already built need another coat of stain on them... and we have to figure out WHAT is happening with the rest of the porch.

i also need to get my mom to take my measurements so i can pass them along to dessy for the dress. and take a look at the technical drawings she did for me... and pick exactly how i want the dress to be....

not too much is going on aside from all that. just wedding planning and roller derby. i am also debating on getting a gym pass still... i thought YES for a bit. and now i am thinking i just need to skate more and sweat doing that... because i sweat a lot. and i feel so good. i don't know. i guess we'll see. i was also thinking if i go to the pool some more... and then start swimming in the lake once it is warm enough... WHAT TO DO WHAT TO DO!?

what do you think?