into the mirror.

i have acquired SO MUCH NEW MUSIC in the last 2 days. so many of my favourite bands have released new albums. this song is from the new minus the bear album, 'omni'. its fantastic. also new album from the national ('high violet'), the gaslight anthem ('american slang'), the black keys ('brothers') and los campesinos ('romance is boring'). i'm really really really excited about all of it. still not through my bjork obsession though. there are a few songs on the greatest hits we have that are just soooooo good.

so i went to roller derby. it was good. i was really nervous. i HATE being bad at something, especially being bad at something in front of people who are really good at it. they have gotten so big that they are splitting into too teams - the more experienced players and the newer players. obviously, i am with the newer players. its good though, because this way i will actually get to play as opposed to not really getting to because everyone is so much better. and this way i am learning with people who are at about the same level as me... and i don't feel like a total loser. so... when practice first started they did this drill that i totally couldn't do, because i didn't know how to do the stop. so i just sat and watched. the one woman who is one of the original few members came over and told me i could skate around the other half of the rink. she was kind of mean though. like seriously... cool... i'll just go skate around randomly by myself. i know how to skate! i don't know how to do anything else! give me some direction! so i just sort of chilled by myself for a while... and then they split into the two groups and i joined the fresh meat group (the newbies). the woman who is coaching the fresh meat is really nice, and she helped me a bunch. and there were a couple of other girls i talked to who were really encouraging and told me i was doing much better than a lot of other fresh meat their first time - i guess lots of girls can't even stand on their skates let alone attempt the drills but painfully slow (like i did). i can skate pretty decent though... its just a matter of practicing skating. and finding a good place to practice on my own.

i'm glad i went though. i felt really good after. and it was fun.

i have been feeling really gross lately. i weighed myself... i weigh more than i have ever before in my life. its depressing. i'm having a really hard time finding time to do active things and get out. go for bike rides. whatever. although our group that usually bikes together in the summer is getting their stuff sorted out... thanks to shelly, and i think tuesday evenings are going to turn into bike ride night. and i am supposed to get myself a gym pass this week. i know a BUNCH of people that go to the ladies gym here... so i think i am going to join that one. suzanne and i were talking about how we could go together last night, so i think it's a good choice. going to the gym is just like roller derby for me - i don't know what i am doing and i feel like everyone is staring at me because i look stupid. haha. i just need to make myself actually try it though, and i know it will be fine. so that is my goal for this week. and i know if i just get myself more active... everything else will work itself out. and in the next month or so my parents won't need me for window washing and i will have my days off and lots of time for active things during the day.

and my mom just got here... we're going to the farmer's market. more later!!