today i bought a gym pass. ladies world. i just feel like i need it. you all had very valid points... but i just don't know that i will push myself to get out and be active outside by myself. i don't know that i can do that. the gym almost feels like something new that i have to conquer. it could be really good. it is a fear that i have had (what with people judging me, and me not knowing what i am doing) that i think that i need to deal with. i know it won't be as bad as i might think it could be. the way i feel about it is similar to how i was feeling about going to roller derby. i can do this. i just have to try!!

i did a special spot tonight on roller derby and had a chat with the fresh meat coach (also known as ima bustyouup! haha). it was really exciting because i actually got a call from a woman asking for the information again RIGHT AFTER i finished airing it. i thought that was really cool. you don't often get a response like that - especially not in the evenings. it just means someone was listening to me AND they found my spot interesting! yay!!

there are two more roller derby games happening - june 12th, and june 19th. i get to volunteer with the one on the 12th and be a part of the association which is pretty exciting. i get to sell 50/50 tickets. haha. which isn't a bad job to be assigned because it means i get to walk around, and i actually get to watch part of the bout!! and i get a sweet shirt.

i have finally made a final decision on my colours for the wedding. i want to use peacock feathers, and i found this awesome idea board on a wedding blog using all these beautiful jewel tones and peacock feathers. so the bridesmaids dresses will be slightly varying shades of green, the flower girls will wear BRIGHT teal, and we will accent with purple. i was also thinking it might look cool to have the groomsmen wear purple shirts. and we were contemplating doing grey pants - i have seen a lot of pictures of this and i think it looks cool. different than the standard black dress pants, ya know? i also picked 4 different patterns from the vogue vintage collection - 1 for each of the bridesmaids. i think they will look awesome. so the next step is going to vancouver to scope out wicked cheap fabric and getting all the girls measurements so i can order the patterns. i want to start making them. i will probably make each of the dresses out of muslin first so i don't wreck the real fabric the first time. and that way i can work out any of the tricky things!! i am so excited. everything is starting to come together and work itself out. i think we also worked out the guest list for the dinner - it was really hard to do because we can't have everyone there.

i don't remember if i wrote this on here... but we decided to split the day into 3 portions. the ceremony - will be short, not SUPER formal, just a few chairs, and most people will stand. the dinner - only 100 people, just an intimate dinner with some friends and family and close friends, nothing TOO exciting, probably rather quiet... and then a 'cocktail hour'/reception - the party won't start RIGHT away. everyone will be invited to this part, and this is where we will have the speeches, slide show, and all that fun stuff - so everyone can be a part of it! and then the party/dance will start. yaaay!! i think it works out nicely so that we can keep things small and personal, but considering we both have such huge families, no one gets left out of all the fun stuff. right?

and we picked the song for our first dance. i heard it at work, actually, sunday morning. its an old classic song. timeless, i think. and it isn't something that will go out of style and we won't want to listen to anymore. and its so appropriate. and i think it might be interesting to keep it a secret!! haha... you'll just have to come to the wedding and hear it for yourself i guess!!

that's all for now.

second time's a charm!

last night was my second go at a roller derby practice. it was soooo much better than the first time!! it was so satisfying to sweat soooo much and feel my muscles burn. i love it. i get sturdier on my skates every time i put them on. not only did i skate, but i did little jumps from side to side (while standing still) and ones where i spun around and jumped. i fell once when i did the spin jumps... but i was really proud of myself! i participated in all the drills, including one where we mocked a game and had to block the jammer. we successfully blocked erin from getting through a few times. it was really really fun. i learned how to hit... although we only made it through one round of the drill before a girl got knocked over and, they think, dislocated two fingers - YES, IT'S A FULL CONTACT SPORT. i also learned transitions... where i turn around so (if i could do it...) i can switch to skating backwards. but i can't skate backwards yet. i also got another girl that i know to show me how to do the cross over skating (where one foot goes over the other and you can go fast around corners)... although i haven't managed to wrap my head around that one yet. my wheels keep getting stuck on each other. no good. i didn't fall doing that though....

i got in a sort of bummed out mood this afternoon after randoming around all morning... so i sat down and started whip it! before i had to come to work. it just made me want to practice skating all the time. i mean... if i can see the difference in my ability after TWO practices... it can't be that bad. i think i could be a natural! i actually likened it to the years of dance i did... once i know how my feet are supposed to move, i can do it.

aside from that... hmm... what has been going on? i have a ton of work to do on my mom's yard. i am, hopefully, going to get a good start on the flower beds in her yard this week. i think most of the plants are in the garden now... so we can start working on the flowers. i want to get some tiger lilies and some more irises. they're soooo pretty! just make the flower beds in the front of the house, and around the side (the ones you see when you drive up) look magical and whimsical. not like perfect landscaped flower beds... like just an over growth of flowers where no weeds happen to be... because i will pull them all out. hahahaha. tyler and i are hunting down more brick or paving stones for the back yard... we haven't found much yet. it seems to be a popular thing to request and goes quickly... but we will keep trying. tyler has another set of stairs to build, and the ones already built need another coat of stain on them... and we have to figure out WHAT is happening with the rest of the porch.

i also need to get my mom to take my measurements so i can pass them along to dessy for the dress. and take a look at the technical drawings she did for me... and pick exactly how i want the dress to be....

not too much is going on aside from all that. just wedding planning and roller derby. i am also debating on getting a gym pass still... i thought YES for a bit. and now i am thinking i just need to skate more and sweat doing that... because i sweat a lot. and i feel so good. i don't know. i guess we'll see. i was also thinking if i go to the pool some more... and then start swimming in the lake once it is warm enough... WHAT TO DO WHAT TO DO!?

what do you think?

my food expert.

my friend jayme, who made my 'food for thought' feature possible (she is like a pit of knowledge... its amazing!!), has just created her own blog.

she hasn't posted anything yet. but you guys should get on board and follow it. there will be sooo many delicious ideas in no time, i'm sure.

this is it.

into the mirror.

i have acquired SO MUCH NEW MUSIC in the last 2 days. so many of my favourite bands have released new albums. this song is from the new minus the bear album, 'omni'. its fantastic. also new album from the national ('high violet'), the gaslight anthem ('american slang'), the black keys ('brothers') and los campesinos ('romance is boring'). i'm really really really excited about all of it. still not through my bjork obsession though. there are a few songs on the greatest hits we have that are just soooooo good.

so i went to roller derby. it was good. i was really nervous. i HATE being bad at something, especially being bad at something in front of people who are really good at it. they have gotten so big that they are splitting into too teams - the more experienced players and the newer players. obviously, i am with the newer players. its good though, because this way i will actually get to play as opposed to not really getting to because everyone is so much better. and this way i am learning with people who are at about the same level as me... and i don't feel like a total loser. so... when practice first started they did this drill that i totally couldn't do, because i didn't know how to do the stop. so i just sat and watched. the one woman who is one of the original few members came over and told me i could skate around the other half of the rink. she was kind of mean though. like seriously... cool... i'll just go skate around randomly by myself. i know how to skate! i don't know how to do anything else! give me some direction! so i just sort of chilled by myself for a while... and then they split into the two groups and i joined the fresh meat group (the newbies). the woman who is coaching the fresh meat is really nice, and she helped me a bunch. and there were a couple of other girls i talked to who were really encouraging and told me i was doing much better than a lot of other fresh meat their first time - i guess lots of girls can't even stand on their skates let alone attempt the drills but painfully slow (like i did). i can skate pretty decent though... its just a matter of practicing skating. and finding a good place to practice on my own.

i'm glad i went though. i felt really good after. and it was fun.

i have been feeling really gross lately. i weighed myself... i weigh more than i have ever before in my life. its depressing. i'm having a really hard time finding time to do active things and get out. go for bike rides. whatever. although our group that usually bikes together in the summer is getting their stuff sorted out... thanks to shelly, and i think tuesday evenings are going to turn into bike ride night. and i am supposed to get myself a gym pass this week. i know a BUNCH of people that go to the ladies gym here... so i think i am going to join that one. suzanne and i were talking about how we could go together last night, so i think it's a good choice. going to the gym is just like roller derby for me - i don't know what i am doing and i feel like everyone is staring at me because i look stupid. haha. i just need to make myself actually try it though, and i know it will be fine. so that is my goal for this week. and i know if i just get myself more active... everything else will work itself out. and in the next month or so my parents won't need me for window washing and i will have my days off and lots of time for active things during the day.

and my mom just got here... we're going to the farmer's market. more later!!

summer!!!... or pretty much, anyway.

today was a long day. and tomorrow will be another. today i worked all day washing windows with dean. and it was BEAUTIFUL. so warm. sunny. i got a tan! not that getting a tan is difficult for me... but it has started. tyler is jealous. his neck is a nice shade of red... not a burn, but that's just what colour he turns in the sun. i bug him and say that his tan is just red, and he says i am being racist because he is part metis. haha. anyway, now i am at the radio station. it's bike to work week in vernon, and so i biked to work. i planned on biking yesterday, but i got down to the end of our street in the car, and realized that i had forgotten. it was too late to go back and get my bike. oh well. i biked today. my mom and i joked yesterday about dean biking to work for window washing and how funny it would be. a trailer with all of the equipment. that would be the longest and hardest day EVER. hahahaha. but funny to see. tomorrow i work with dean again, and then i get to go to roller derby for the first time!

that's right, my radio counterpart is finally back from australia. she left in january, and i have been doing everything that normally her and i share. it has been A LOT of work (all the hockey games, the on air shifts... etc.). but now i have to surrender a few of my evening shifts to her. which is cool. tyler and i might get to see each other a little more often, and of course, i finally get to go to roller derby and use the skates and equipment that we spent so much money to get (i am TERRIFIED to go now... erin has already been going for months... i am going to be so bad). but part of me also feels like i should get to keep the shifts. i worked really hard to get this weeknight spot. i did EVERYTHING they asked me to (including an operating shift where i only had 7 hours between the night before, and when i had to come in at 5 am... and then came back to do my evening show at 5 that evening...) and counterpart just waltzes in after sunbathing and partying on the other side of the world for 4 months and takes some of my prize. i know that it makes sense though, so i can take time off and there is something to cover for me. and i do want time off this summer. i just don't want to lose what i worked so hard to get, ya know? i'm the one who is here for the long haul!!

i got some plants going on my balcony. i'm really excited about it. my mom and i got some strawberry plants at the farmer's market. i got two different kinds. one of which i need to put in a hanging basket. i also got some basil and oregano plants (which aren't outside yet... because its too cold). my mom said she would give me a cherry tomato plant, and some green onions in a pot. i am really really excited about it. i haven't ever had my own garden before. and it's pretty cool that i can make it work without even a yard! just goes to show that anyone can have a garden if they are determined to. i have also seen really cool ideas where you can build a hanging garden in a window. there was something in an old bust magazine (if you haven't checked this magazine out, you need to... good music, books, artists, crafts, recipes, and stories every great feminist will enjoy) where they had built the hanging garden with old pop bottles and you watered it at the top, and it made its way down through all the bottles to water everything. it was so cool. i'm considering building one of those for the spare room maybe... hmmm.... i have to find that old article.

also... amy had mentioned wanting to listen online, you can listen to my show online at 1075kiss.com. 5-9 on weeknights (except tuesdays and wednesdays). the feature that i created, 'food for thought' runs every night at about 5:45. also, if you would like a copy of any of jayme's recipes... let me know. i can email them to you!!

i got some awesome patterns from vogue. i'm really excited to make them. one is a strapless dress... short... kind of hard to explain beyond that, but it is soooo cute. and the other is a vintage vogue pattern that we figured was kind of similar to my wedding dress (i wanted to try on something kind of similar... so my mom and i figured we could make it, considering i can't find anything like it). i also got a pattern for the dress we're going to make for my mom for the wedding. its really nice. i like it. i hope it looks good. i just need to go fabric shopping now. and order more patterns. there is another blog that i have been following, here, and she did a made me march, and made me may. sooooo cool. for an entire month, everything she wore, she made herself. i want to do that really bad. i think it would be really rewarding. and soooo much cheaper than trying to buy all the stuff i want. i would say less frustrating than looking for things i like... but... i don't know about that one.

anyway... thats all for now.

ps. i am obsessed with bjork's all is full of love today... just obsessed.

on the verge.

i think that's a title of a song. not sure. whatever. its how i feel. tyler and i are driving to calgary as soon as i am done work tonight. i am REALLY excited. it's my friend gill's birthday. i think i am going to ask her to be my 4th bridesmaid when i see her. its a decision i feel pretty solid about. oh yes, i haven't written in a while, i asked suzanne to be my third. and i felt really good about it. recent events have made my decisions easier. although, i have totally rethought my ideas about colour and what i want them to wear... currently i'm thinking i will make the dresses. and i think i will do them in like a tan/gold colour. i have an idea of what sorts of styles i will make them... but they'll all be different. something that will flatter each one of them.

thanks for all the comments. it does help.

yesterday was a pretty rough day. sarah left. and it was weird. she left the night before. and i had a funny feeling about it. the next morning she texted me and told me that she just stayed at her friend's house and wasn't feeling good. she didn't work. i didn't buy it. and then i got a message a little later saying that she was going back to prince george and joe was on his way to get her. she didn't say goodbye. she didn't say thank you for letting her stay at my house for a month. nothing. i didn't get anything. but a broken door and little pink and brown stains on the carpet.

that's all i will say. because i don't want to get into how i felt and still feel about it. or whatever other details there are. but she is gone. that is that.

i made a new friend in this last week. her name is tori. she is originally from toronto. she is a designer. she does interior design, and also does some design for some skate and surf companies. she's pretty cool. i don't often meet people that i just click with, and her and i really hit it off. she doesn't know a lot of people around here, so i have seen her a few times in the last week. i randomly noticed the other day that we have the same birthday!! how weird is that? the only other person i have met with the same birthday as me is dean's dad... but he doesn't really count. i feel like that has some kind of an explanation as to why tori and i hit it off so well. october the 18th!!

i am excited to be in calgary. to get out of here. especially with how bummed out i have been. it will be good to go and see friends and spend some time with tyler and just HAVE A GOOD TIME! also, we're going to go by the bike shop my friend matt works at and he is going to find tyler and i both some tape for the handlebars of our bikes. i think tyler wants orange. i want bright purple. he already told me he has to order the purple. i was expecting that though. i also want to try and find some JEANS. jeans have been the bane of my existence for the last little while. nothing fits me well. i have been wearing skirts a lot. or jeans i just don't really like... and no one feels good wearing clothes they don't really like.

my girls.

I haven't written in forever. yes. i know. i was feeling discouraged. i have decided it doesn't really matter if anyone reads or comments on my blog. i will just write anyway. whatever.

things have been really really busy around here. i've been working evenings at the radio station. 5-9 weeknights. its fun! and i have a regular spot! this now gives me the opportunity to run my own features and custom design my own show. make it my own. make a name and a personality for myself on air, rather than just simply running regular station stuff, and taking about regular station things. my first feature i have added i am tentatively calling "food for thought" and it is to promote eating locally and seasonally. my friend jayme, who used to run the kitchen at nature's fare, is my food specialist. and every night she will feature a different seasonal vegetable, why it is good for you, and some simple ways to cook it. as well we are looking to include an online portion of it and post jayme's recipes including whatever the feature item is. that part i am still working on with rob. also, there was talk of being able to run my own contest with it, and perhaps give away a cookbook once a week!! i'm pretty excited about it.

i haven't made any progress on programming my own music for my show.

working this schedule also means that my time with tyler is far and few between. mostly we just sleep side by side. it's pretty lame. i hate feeling that the bulk of our time spent together is unconscious. we try to make the most out of our saturdays and sunday afternoons, after i get home from working. so far it is working... sometimes i just get really lonely during the day. i try to keep myself busy, and lately i have been. i have been driving my mom and rhiannon around a lot and hanging out with them. rhiannon and i have set up a weekly hang out on mondays or tuesdays (whichever works best) and the plan is to bake something, and watch this show called glee that i downloaded, and was pretty sure she would like. she does. its fun. last week we made white chocolate hazelnut brownies, and then my mom joined us and helped with chocolate chip oatmeal cookies and raspberry oat bars. all of that baking was gone within the week!! this week, we actually didn't bake anything. we did the farmer's market with my mom, and then when we got back to my house... my kitchen was a big mess (i forgot!) and we only had another 2 hours, and i didn't feel like cleaning the whole kitchen and then baking, and then having to clean it again. i was tired just thinking about it. so we watched a couple episodes of glee and i took her to violin lessons, where my mom was waiting for us.

i am feeling ambitious today. i finally made dinner last night... i have been planning on doing it. but i have to do everything myself and have it ready for when tyler gets home from work, so we can eat before i go to work (there is an hour window when we are both home...). but i have been having a really hard time feeling motivated to cook and have it ready on time. last night i finally made some yam quesadillas, and they were delicious. tyler did the clean up, and i ran off to work! this morning i got up and made tyler's lunch, did the dishes and cleaned everything up from last night, and then showered. now i have to take sarah to my parent's for work. i want to pick up some asparagus from friesen's on my way home (for dinner tonight). then i want to go on a good solid bike ride (i have ridden my bike ONCE this year... i am so ashamed). and then it will be time to fold a million loads worth of laundry, followed by working on the very intense baby quilt i am making for my friend darcy. and then of course... dinner, and work. i am determined to get all this done today... so... enough blogging. time for more doing!!